December 1, 2010 - A day that will live forever

I am actually writing this on my phone on our way home from Dover after attending Chad's "Dignified Transfer" back onto U.S. Soil (while on a plane).

Well, on December 1, 2010 at approximately 5:45 pm any parent's worse nightmare came true for us. Two uniformed Marines rang our doorbell to inform us that our son was killed in action in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan. All I remember about that moment is the heartache and I could see in those Marines eyes that this truly was as hard for them to say as it was for me to hear. I kept feeling an overwhelming feeling doubt in my heart that there could be a mistake and that surely they had the wrong address. I should have known right away that the Marine Corps doesn't and never could make that kind of mistake, but for a moment I was sure wishing this was their first time (but would never want another family to feel what we were feeling). I do remember asking Tebo not to let them in and then telling them to please not tell me what they had come to tell me. I didn't want this to be real. My baby boy was gone! I never got to tell him I loved him on our last phone call one week to the day prior to this day and that was all I could think of at the moment. I had not seen his face or touched in in about 8 weeks prior to this and I needed that at that moment more than ever. I can truly say that this experience was exactly like it is portrayed in movies and as much as that always gripped my heart when I saw it in the movies it was so magnified at this moment that words truly cannot explain the feeling and do it any justice. You want to scream, fall, hit, cry, and beg God to give us more time. I wouldn't be doing the Marine Corps justice and especially the fine Marines that have walked every mile with us and Katie throughout this nightmare. We will never be able to repay them or thank them enough. They were warm, caring, touched, broken, and compassionate in such a way that I have never experienced before. They certainly weren't "military" as we all think they are all the time during this entire process. They truly are mourning right along side us for a fallen brother. I, nor do I think anyone else unless you've been in their shoes, can imagine how difficult this job is for anyone to have to perform (and two of our escorts were doing this job for the very first time). Not only has the Marine Corps been amazing throughout this process with us, but so have our family, friends, Tyson Foods, organizations, and complete strangers. I will go into more of how they have all reached out and touched us later when I can, but right now I need the therapy of talking about my baby boy. For the most part of the first 17 years of Chad's life it was me and Chad. I'm so not complaining, because this created a love and a bond and close relationship between us that I pray all parents experience with their children and especially with moms of boys. I would not trade a moment of this journey with him (good or bad/challenging) for anything in this world (well, maybe to have him back). We always had lots of love and support and I had lots of help from my family (especially BoBo) in raising him to be such an amazing young man and I will be forever grateful for that. After all those years of it really just being Chad and I the most amazing man entered our life (Tebo). He helped the two of us walk through some very difficult times of Chad moving from a child/teenager to a young man. For any parent that is quite the challenge, but Tebo did a great job of helping me learn to let go some and showing Chad how to take on that new role as well. It wasn't a piece of cake and there were certainly bumps in the road, but I know graduation, the year after graduation, the day he entered into the Marine Corps, his first deployment, his wedding, his second deployment, and now this I could not have made it through all this without him. God certainly knew what he was doing when he placed us together in the timing that he did and I will be forever thankful for that. He is as broken with all this as though Chad had always been his own son and that is not something most people can say for the Bonus father of their children and I am proud to say that I have one of those special men in my life. I just pray he can hold on to me long enough for me to find my "new normal" without Chad in my life (physically) and doesn't give up on my sadden heart. Chad loved Tebo as well and while he wasn't open or vocal about it he proved it more in one request that he had for Tebo on his pre-deployment leave this last time when he asked Tebo for one day with him (just the two of them). A father's chest swelled up like I had never seen and I was a very proud momma. There were some very hateful people that were in our lives (those people know who they are and will most likely never see this) that actually "blamed" Tebo and I for Chad joining the Marine Corps (to supposedly get away from us). I would like to formally let "those" people know that they could NOT be more wrong! (shame on you for ever letting those words leave your mouth). Chad played like he was a Marine from the time he was literally old enough to even understand soldiers. He talked about it all the time up until he was a junior in high school and then he went for about 2 years saying he wasn't going to join. Once he graduated and had realized college wasn't for him and he spent a year out of school just floating through life he decided if he was going to make something of himself that he needed to do something and enlisting was his decision. Tebo and I asked him to give it 3 months to really think about it and weigh all the pros and cons and after that 3 months he still wanted to enlist we would support him 100%. He not only thought about it, but met with his recruiter, SSGT Lopez, every week and worked out with him and decided this is definitely something he wanted to do. Also, my daddy (aka BoBo) feels guilty about the fact that Chad joined the Marine Corps to follow in his footsteps, but Chad would have had no other branch and he made no bones about that. There is a country song out there (of course I can't remember who sings it or the title), but it talks about a boy joining the military to follow in his father's footsteps. Well, BoBo was more of a father to Chad his entire life than his own biological father ever was and when I hear that song I replace father with BoBo, because Chad always wanted to be just like him, and he accomplished that.

We honored our promise to him and supported him 100% throughout his active duty as a US Marine! We did this with the most pride I think either of us have ever felt and Chad knew this. When he met Katie just before deploying to Iraq he asked me to stay close to her and let her know that he would be back to her and I did just that. I actually ended up basically courting her (I know they don't use that word anymore, but I do so there) throughout his 1st deployment. We even planned a wedding together and when he returned he married his first real girlfriend. They were so in love and I had never seen my son love a woman that much and it filled my heart with such joy to get the chance to experience with him and watch him walk down the aisle. There are many parents of military young men that don't get that opportunity so I am so grateful for that. I promised Chad during all his training when he would be away for days/weeks/months at a time that I would check on her daily to make sure she was okay and I did that. During this last deployment I promised him the same thing and I did that as well. She was amazing to call me every time she heard from him regardless of the day or time and I will forever be indebted to her for that. It made my heart smile when I knew she had heard his voice. I knew he was safe and happy. I know this all sounds odd to most, but these are things parents do for their children so for us it feels like the most natural thing to do (like breathing). I am changed forever. I love my only biological child and one that was so much a part of my heart that I wonder at times if I will ever be able to fill that hole of sadness, but I do know that I have family and friends that love us and will help us through this, but I also have a husband that truly could not be more made for me and I know that will help as well. My heart is still breaking every moment right now and will for a long time to come, but I truly could not be more proud of the son, young man, Marine, husband, and hero my son is and nothing will ever take that away (not even the horrific sadness I feel today).

Thankful Heart

Since it is the season of Thanksgiving I thought I would express my thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for and I try very hard to never take any of it for granted. I will attempt to list the things I'm thankful for and give a brief commentary, but it could get long (just saying). First and foremost I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. I was unfortunate enough to experience some not so great marriages (2 as a matter of fact, sadly), but I honestly believe I had to go through those in order to find Tebo when I did and to be in the place I was in when we did finally meet and eventually get married. He has been such a blessing to me and not only did I have the honor of marrying my best friend and soul mate, but he blessed me a second time with three bonus children that I am so grateful to have in my life. They enrich my life in so many ways that it is so difficult to even put into words. Candi has blessed us with an amazing husband and we couldn't have asked for a better man for her. I'm also so grateful for my precious son. He has truly brought me so much joy than anything else in the world starting in May 25, 1988 to present and that joy has never been forgotten. That is joy my friends! I have so much pride for him and all he is doing as a Marine. I long for the day that he and I could have a date night again even if it's just once a year. I miss those. He has also blessed me with a precious bonus daughter. I can't think of a better partner for him. She has done an amazing job of supporting him while on deployment and I know that's not easy. I am so thankful for two sets of healthy parents. We have had our scares and they've had less than healthy moments, but that's what we get as we all mature, but for the most part they are healthy and happy and living life to the fullest. I am so blessed to have the best "bonus" family. Tebo's family has welcomed me into their family and it is as if I've always been there. We don't like "in-laws" so we use "bonus" and that's exactly what it feels like. They are precious and his mom is so much like my grandmother that I truly believe that had a lot to do with the Lord allowing me to meet Tebo. He gave me another Celeno (if that were ever possible) and I couldn't be more thankful for that. We are both blessed with great jobs and a great work environment and not everyone can say that these days. I appreciate the jobs we have and the home we live in, but more than that I am so thankful to have a loving family on all sides with siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends that feel like family. That alone makes us wealthy beyond words and that's all anyone can truly ever ask for. My prayer for our kids is perfectly said in a song by LeAnn Womack "I hope you Dance". I've told Chad and Tebo many times that I want that played at my funeral for all my kids (nieces and nephews included), because that's what I want for all of them. If you don't know the song you need to listen to it. As I welcome Thanksgiving (not my favorite holiday) I will be more conscious to make sure I let those in my life that I am thankful to have them and hug our kids a little more (those I can put my arms around) and hopefully get to talk to Chad and will hug Katie through the phone. Until you've had to spend holidays not seeing your kids or even hearing their voices it isn't as easy to understand that longing, but I know if I have confirmation he is safe and ok that will work for me until we welcome him home. I hope Katie feels my hugs in California as much and can't wait to hug all our kids that will be here Thursday. We always feel a little less complete when any of our kids are missing for one reason but they are always in my heart.

Dedicated to Katie & all military wives

So I know I usually write all about Chad and how brave he is and how hard he is working overseas, but I never want to forget to remind people how brave these wives have to be. Everyone knows how hard being married can be and at times very stressful, but try adding the military (especially the Marine Corps) to that daily life and you can't imagine what these brave women have to go through. What most might not realize is while these men are away fighting these women are home taking care of bills, children (if they have them already), animals they may have, the house, their jobs, keeping mom in touch, and most importantly, continuing to be their husbands' biggest cheerleader and making sure they have everything they need or want while they are deployed. That might sound easy and it might even sound easy if they are stay at home wives/moms, but I can tell you having a daughter who is experiencing this right now, I know it isn't easy. Not only are these ladies doing all the above, but they often do it with a lonely and fearful heart. I can tell you how it feels to be a mom with a son over there, but I can't truly tell you what it must feel like as a wife with her husband over there. I know how I feel when my husband travels for work or has to be gone or I'm gone for more than a day so imagine 7 to 9 months of that. On top of that, you never know when you will hear his voice and you just pray you are never anywhere that you can't hear or answer his call. When that happens (and it does) it's the worse sick feeling you can have. At least when Tebo is traveling or we aren't together for whatever reason I know I can just pick up the phone at any time and hear his voice. I'm not constantly in fear when he is gone like these women are. Katie was a young bride and she had to grow up very fast and if I must say so myself, she has done an amazing job. Not only has she done a great job of taking care of the financial end while Chad is away and making sure he has the perfect care package, but she has gone above and beyond to make sure she calls me every time he calls her. I told him from the start, if you only get to call once to always call her and she can call me. She should always be the first person he calls no matter what and I couldn't ask for a better bonus daughter, because she has made sure that every single time he has called she calls me first. Thank you Katie Bug for that. You may never truly know what that means to me. These women go to sleep alone, go to the doctor alone, are sick at times at home alone, take care of babies/pregnancy alone, manage the financial responsibilities alone, take care of household duties alone, experience sadness and fear alone and some after only being married a short time. So the next time you pray for a Marine or any other soldier in the military and they are married, please say an extra prayer for the wife that is faithfully standing by her man and remember to thank her as well for her service. Just think, if she weren't supporting and encouraging her husband while he is fighting over there he couldn't do his job and stay focused so as far as I am concerned, they too are Marines and any other soldier in our Armed Forces! Thank you beautiful ladies and I will always be praying for you as I do our men! I love you all, but especially you Katie Bug. Love, mom

Chad Update 2

Yesterday was the Marine Corps 235 year birthday! Guess what? Katie & I got the present! Chad called both of us yesterday. He sounded so good considering all he has been through. Okay, let me take a stab at filling you in on all I can. He will have some great stories when he returns to the states and I just hope he is writing them all down so he won't forget anything, because after only 3 weeks he has some pretty good ones already.

So, first of all, don't get me wrong, things are rough over there. I'm just thankful they have found a way to have a sense of humor in the midst of all this chaos.

To celebrate, on Nov. 1st Chad picked up Corporal (promotion). He has worked so hard to achieve this next rank and every time he would get there they would increase the points needed to pick up and he would have to wait and do more to achieve it. This has happened many times since he picked up Lance Corporal so we are all celebrating with him.

There has been very busy since he has arrived in Afghanistan, but thank the Lord Chad is safe. He has lost a good bit of weight, but that was expected. Maybe not expected to be so much so fast, but he is doing all he can to improve that. He did have a little set back yesterday and today due to getting sick (ATM, you really don't want to know what that stands for), but he will recover and hopefully not get that dreadful virus again. Anyway, one thing he is trying to do over there to help him with his weight gain is working out. You might wonder what Marines would do in this remote and desilite place for a gym. Well, I'm glad you asked. What they have done is create a make-shift gym out of wood, sandbags, and car parts (yep, you read correctly, car parts). He has actually become quite the McGiver over there, mainly out of necessity, but at least he can do it. He has made a make-shift mouse trap (mice are terrible over there) out of metal, coke cans, stick, peanut butter, and a bucket of water. It was hilarious hearing him explain it all and he was quite proud (as he should be). By the way, it worked! He and his buddy Seth have made their own room out there. They found some old wire and fabric and made some walls so at least he has a little privacy. The way they eat anything other than MREs is to purchase (for usually $1) chickens, goats, and turkeys. Some of the villagers there gave him and Seth a puppy (black lab mix) and he has become their "cat" for catching mice. One late night early morning "Eli" brought a dead rat and laid it on Seth while he slept (bless it). As they were getting the puppy Chad saw a baby chicken running around so he scooped it up and slipped it into Seth's pocket. They made it a little pin and are feeding it MREs so they can fatten it up and eat it. I asked if he named it and he said no he thought it might be harder to eat if he did that. LOL! I love that boy.

There are so many crazy stories like that and like I said it's only been 3 weeks. I told him to write it all down so he wouldn't forget a thing. Katie and I are so thirsty to know every little thing they are experiencing over there and don't want to miss a thing. Yes, we may regret knowing some of that stuff one day, but right now, we are all about it.

The most important thing is he sounded good. He said mom, things are rough over here for sure and we are living like cave men (nothing ugly meant by that for any cave men that may be reading this), but I'm kind of liking that part. He said he is enjoying the "camping/roughing it" feeling and having to make all this stuff to get by. Only a true redneck could even say that in the situation he finds himself in today. That's my boy!

He did want me to thank everyone for all the prayers. He can't get on the computer obviously and we aren't sure how long he will have this phone for now, but knowing he is ok and things are being taken care of by these fine Marines made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside (yes, it's an understatement, but if I told you I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest you might not have understood exactly what I meant).

We can't disclose exact locations (he doesn't even really know exactly where he is), but we do know these Marines are trained and prepared for battle and they will take care of business! HooRah.... To Be Continued...

Happy 235th Birthday Marine Coprs

WOW! Talk about something that is the same no matter how much time has passed. My daddy was a Marine and his contract was up just as Vietnam was getting started and now my son is a Marine serving in Afghanistan as I type this and honestly nothing much about the Marine Corps has changed. The things my son did in boot camp are the same things my daddy did in boot camp. My daddy was on the East Coast and my son is on the West Coast, but it's all still the same. With the exception of my daddy being in Force Recon and Chad not and the fact that some of the things DIs would do to recruits when daddy was in versus now with Chad all other aspects of the Corps is the same. It was actually amazing to see how little it has really changed over the years. That tells me that consistency works! They train fine young men who I can attest become amazing men, husbands, fathers, & grandfathers. I'm so proud to say I'm a daughter and mother of a Marine! I have always been proud of these two men in my life, but every day I become more and more aware of what they go through and sacrifice for very little pay I am more proud and I truly didn't think that was even possible. I didn't get to experience what my daddy went through when he was enlisted, but I've walked every step (not literally) with my son and I know what he has gone through and continues to go through and I can tell you that there is nothing he can't do or handle with amazing grace. He himself didn't realize how little sleep he could function on or how little or terrible food he could hike miles with or without or how composed he could be when he is faced with adverisity, but I've seen him do that now consistently for almost 3 full years now. I believe through all his training and experiences with the Marine Corps he has learned not only patience, but tollerance and understanding that I don't know that he had or knew he had at 19 years old when he joined. Do I believe he would have had the heart and drive he has today at some point in his life, absolutely, but I don't believe he would have it today at 22 years old had it not been for the Corps. Yes, he chose this life and he (in a way) knew what he was getting into, but you never really know what you are getting into, because he had never been in a war before or lived so far from home with little to no contact with home before so to truly say he knew what he signed up for is a bit unfair. He knew he was giving up a lot of freedom and knew there would be people telling (yelling) orders to him and telling him when he could and/or could not do things, but there was no way he could have ever known what to expect of war and the sacrifices he would truly be making. I try very hard not to complain too much about being tired, or not sleeping all night or being hot or cold, because every time those words leave my mouth I immediately feel guilty thinking where my baby boy must be sleeping, if he is sleeping at all or what he had to eat, if anything at all or what the weather must be like there and especially since he can't just go take a shower or sleep in. He doesn't even get days off of work and "if" he gets an hour or two of R&R there is most likely a good chance that will be interupted with something they didn't see coming. You see, until you actually have a child that enters into the military and deploys to war it would be very difficult to truly understand what it must feel like not knowing for sure what your son is experiencing at this moment in time. I am very proud of him. I'm so proud that proud doesn't seem like a strong enough word for what I feel and I truly believe in God and I know he is protecting him 24/7, but knowing and feeling all that does not take away the fear and anxiety that goes along with no longer being able to wrap my arms around my son and protect him at all costs. It doesn't take away that sharp pain in my heart of just not knowing for sure what he is going through or how he feels at this moment and where he is. It's a terrible feeling all the time, but I don't obsess about it. I blog about it instead and then try to just leave it in my blog or my personal journal. I know my son is very well trained, prepared, guided, leading, surviving, and training others wherever he is. I know this. What I also know is when I see him, hear his voice, look at his pictures, or remember memories I have with/about him I still see a precious little tiny curly headed barefoot boy that talks (what little he would talk) around his "sassy" and is carrying around a ragged feather pillow (that use to be mine) with this little blue teddy bear with the satin rubbed off that Aunt Sharon gave him in the hospital when he was born dragging the baby blanket that grandmother made for him wherever he goes. That's what I see today and that's what I will always see in him. Regardless how big and bad a Marine he is, that is what I will always and forever see. I am one proud Marine Mom of Corporal Wade, Chad Stafford and a very proud daughter of a freaking genius, Lance Corporal Croft, Larry Dean! Never forget that MEN!

Peace

I know with my son in Afghanistan and my bonus daughter in CA basically alone that it might sound odd for me to say I have peace, but right now I really do. Daddy called this morning to tell me that during revival service last night he stood up for Chad, Katie, & myself and that the pastor prayed long and hard for not only us, but for all the other military service men and women out there serving today. Daddy said he had a peace come over him and that in turn gave me peace. I know there will still be scary days and sleepless nights, but knowing they have all those prayers going up 24/7 without ceasing gives this momma bear peace. It's my prayer that all the wives and parents of these young men have peace knowing that there are lots of prayers going up for all the guys as well as wives and parents. Sometimes it's hard for those who don't have a family member serving to truly relate with the constant fear and worry that you have and while we are all always so proud of our brave men and women serving sometimes the ones forgotten are the wives and parents that are trying to be as brave as our men & women. While we are not actually there with them experiencing the scary and devistating things they are, I know for me, in my heart and mind I am taking every step with mine. I know Katie takes every step as well as all the other wives and husbands out there. We all need that same peace and I truly do pray that we all get it and keep it as long as our loved ones are out there. I will be so thankful when this war is over and all our military folks are home safe and sound. My heart goes out to those who have either lost loved ones over there or have them return home wounded. I can't imagine your pain and I hate that anyone has to experience that. This needs to end and everyone needs to learn to live in peace. I know that is a dream and we may never truly see world peace, but a girl can dream can't she? To all our military (every branch) you have my commitment that I will be praying for you until you return home safely. To all our military wives & husbands, you too have my commitment that I will be praying for you until they return home safely and for all the parents out there you have my commitment that I will pray for you until your baby/babies return home safely.

What I really want to do...

What I really want to do right now is bring my son home safely and put him in the arms of his wife and take his place in this ugly war. If I thought I could do that at all I would so be right there and he would so be right here safe and protected. However, I can't do that regardless of how badly that's what I want to do. All I can do is pray and wait. Pray and wait. That seems simple and easy enough, but honestly, it's one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It's one thing for my kids or my husband or family to travel and be gone for long periods of time. It's not always easy to go through that or have your family scattered, but at least I know should I need to I could get to them one way or the other. Right now, I can't get to my baby boy. All I can do is trust the Lord and the Marine Corps and while that may seem easy, it's not. I never have been one to spend a lot of time wishing I could go back and have him little again or take back years that we have already gone through, but at this very moment I would love to be able to have him little again, barefoot, and little ringlet curls bouncing all over his head again for just a moment. Just to have a moment where I can pick him up in my arms and just hold him and protect him from anything or anyone that could harm him. I want those days back where he is dressed up in his football uniform with cowboy boots and a gun and holster set around his waist and him running and falling in slow motion. I want that back. I want him to be upset with the cat because she is on his pilpow (pillow). I want him lining all his little matchbox cars up in the living room in a row because he is watching Nascar on TV or singing his little heart out (Wanted by Allen Jackson) with his cowboy hat on with his aluminum foil microphone that BoBo made him. That's what I want today more than anything else. However, I can't have that back right now and I know my son needs me to be strong while he is fighting in this horrible war and that is what I will try my very best to do, but I will say this... These bad guys have never seen the likes of what a momma can do to them should they hurt my baby boy. They will only wish every military branch in the world was there instead of me if they hurt him so let them be warned!

I miss my son....

That's all, I just really miss him.

Chad - Update 1

Well, Chad's last deployment is currently underway. He has arrived in Afghanistan (specific location classified), but not to his final destination yet. He should arrive there in the next couple of days. He has been traveling to this location now for 5 days now. He is extremely tired and ready to get on a routine. I've not spoken to him personally, but thank goodness he has been able to contact Katie and she has been wonderful about making sure I know what she knows. He will be deployed for 7 to 9 months and once he returns to CA he should only have about 3 to 4 months left on his contract. At this time their plan is for him to get out at the end of his contract and for them to settle down in or near NW Arkansas. That time can't get here fast enough for me. Those who are family and/or have been in our lives since Chad was born it's amazing to see the transformation of this little curly headed baby boy to the fine young Marine he is today. He has made us so proud and continues to amazes us at this dedication and commitment. I guess all that training in boot camp and SOI is truly showing through. Most days when I think of him or see or talk to him I still see that little curly headed boy. I totally get the commercials where the dad is handing car keys to his daughter and she is around 6 or 7 years old when he looks at her and she is really 16 or 17. I so see that with Chad every time I see him. I guess as parents we always will no matter what. Imagine how cute he looks at 6 years old wearing his dress blues. :) I know, right? I really am that ridiculous with him. Regardless where he is or what he is doing, like most parents, he is constantly on my mind. Not always with worry, just never absent from my thoughts. He has done amazing things with his short life and had major milestones. I was reflecting back that he turned 21 years old in Iraq and will turn 23 years old in Afghanistan. That certainly doesn't make for the best birthday, but he is doing a wonderful job and no one can ever take this experience and training away from him. He will be in Afghanistan for at least 7 months and then return to CA where he will then finish out his 3 to 4 months remaining on his contract and then finally home. It's fun to listen to him making plans and talking like such a mature adult. I have to remind myself many times that he isn't that little curly headed boy or the teenager that face planted off stairs while wearing roller skates or the pre-teen that felt a fish (in his defense he thought it was a snake) tickle his leg while fishing with BoBo and ran out of his shoes and left all his fishing gear floating in the water, but rather a young married man who happens to be a Marine. I love you Chadman and you make me proud every day. My prayer for you has always been that I hope you dance. No matter what son, dance when you get the chance. Love, Mom

Somethings the news doesn't tell...

My son, along with many other Marines, have deployed to Afghanistan. There seems to be very little news being reported these days on what these men go through and that is actually really sad. Unless you have a loved one over there I think for many the war is just out of their minds. I receive emailed military news articles all the time and this one really touched my heart. I would love for everyone to reach this article and really pay attention to the words and what it really means for these young men. http://www.military.com/news/article/marines-in-marjah-war-by-the-numbers.html?ESRC=eb.nl. Can you imagine being in your early 20's and going through the riggers of war and only doing laundry twice, not getting baths, sending 5 letters back home and only receiving 2 letters back? I can't and I hope my son and bonus sons receive more letters than they ever send out. I never want these young men to think I have forgotten for one second that they are over there and working so hard. I am on a mission to make sure that all the young men I have addresses for receive a letter on a regular basis from me and it's my hope and prayer that everyone who reads this also does the same thing for any military person out there. Let's not allow one more soldier/Marine send more letters out than he/she receives. Thank you for reading.

Being Married... according to me...

You know, I've done this once or twice and I will say I do believe I've learned a thing or two from past mistakes that has lent to feeling I have finally done it right this time. Tebo and I have both been married before and I have one child and he has three. I was single close to four years before going out with him, but had been alone (completely alone in the marriage) for most of my married life. I felt, since Chad was born, that I was a single mom and that's how we lived our life and that was okay. It wasn't what I would call ideal, but Chad and I made it work. One thing I do believe is that as we get older we do learn to be more patient and appreciative and maybe that also comes from being alone for so long and hopefully reflecting on where I failed in the past, but whatever IT was/is, I do believe it has helped us have a wonderful marriage now. Marriage is definitely compromises. It can be easy to get caught up in the "tit for tat" (keeping score) nonsense that exist in a lot of marriages. There is a lot of give and take and if you ever start focusing on who is doing more taking and giving you will find yourself caught up in the "nonsense" of marriage and before you know it you could be facing the next few years alone or wishing you were. Some times it is just tolerating and respecting the people in our partner's life that either we may not be a huge fan of or they aren't a huge fan of us, but you do it out of love and respect for your spouse. I know Tebo and I both have been put in those types of situations thoughout our relationship that (at times) could really test us, but we both did it with as much grace and respect as we could for the other one. That's just what you do when you love someone. I do believe something that could help everyone is to understand the other's personality. Over the years I have learned more about my personality than I really ever cared to know and we have and are taking a Birkman assessment at work and we are going to compare them between Tebo and I to see how we align at home with our own personalities. I think it will be interesting, but for each of us there should be no surprises. We are both very aware of our quirks and personalities and I think for the most part aware of each others, but what I hope to learn from this exercise is the best way to approach the tougher situations and not provoke my husband or push him in a direction that would give me the opposite solution to what I am looking for. Sometimes it is easier to expect someone else to just respond to us the way we feel on the inside or like we think they should when sometimes it could be our approach with that person that actually provokes a negative response from them. I do believe mine and Tebo's personalities compliment each other very well. We are best friends first. He is the love of my life and I enjoy doing things for him. You know, he is perfectly capable of picking up his clothes, shoes, dishes, etc., but I enjoy doing those kinds of things for him so he doesn't have to (and I'm usually already up messing with something else so why not). He is also capable of doing laundry and other household chores, but I do it and I enjoy it. It is kind of weird actually, there are lots of things that I enjoy doing and just instinctively do for him that would make you think we are living in the 1950's, but I don't see it like that at all. I do our laundry and I make sure I iron all his clothes (pants and shirts) before hanging them up. It isn't because I just love to iron, it's because I know when he pulls his clothes out for work in the morning he likes them to already be nice and pressed. He likes to open his drawers each morning and have enough clean clothes (socks, underwear, etc.) to get him through the week. That makes me feel like I am taking good care of him when he has that and it gives me great joy. He loves to cook. He knows I hate to cook. Even on my two days a week that I am "suppose" to cook, he will usually end up throwing something together or we go out. I know he does that because he knows I don't enjoy it (although I would do it for him) and he likes to do it. I do the cleaning and he does the cooking. Sort of the Ying and the Yang of it all. We don't get caught up in the silly things that can get some couples in a mess. I don't worry if he plays video games or watches TV all day. That is his relaxing time. I go about my business of cleaning or whatever I happen to have on my list that day and I don't give it a second thought. It doesn't upset my apple cart if I am sweeping and mopping and running around the house cleaning while he is watching TV, because I know if I needed his help I could ask for it. I'm doing what I like and what relaxes me and he is doing the same. At night, I don't get upset if he doesn't want to watch Dancing with the Stars and I do. I just go to the bedroom and watch it in there while he watches his 3 shows in the living room. Now he might have an issue with me running into the living room every time I think there is something news worthy happening on the show (the celebrity I dislike is still making it to the next week, etc.), but he never says a word and he pauses his show to hear what I have to say and then I return to the bedroom. That's all I wanted anyway is to tell someone and know they heard me. Right? Right. I do my dead level best to put his needs and desires before my own. That might mean that I visit friends and family without him at times or go places I might not necessarily feel like going to make him happy and show him I love and respect him just as there are many times he goes with me places that he doesn't necessarily want to go just because he knows it makes me happy. He also puts up with a lot from me. I constantly offer to babysit for others and I really am all over the house 24/7 cleaning, reorganizing, arranging, scheduling, etc. and he just goes with the flow. I'm not the easiest person to live with at times. There is no yelling or fighting, but there is lots of cleaning with lots of Pine Sol and I am constantly reorganizing things (not necessarily out of need) making it hard to find things from time to time and I am so ridiculous about being on time (everywhere/anywhere) and I have certain schedules that I do not like to mess up (bedtime being the biggie). So you can see when he has moments when he can play a video game, or veg out in front of the TV that he deserves that "me" time. I'm super okay with that. He is a wonderful shopper. If it were left up to me I would still be wearing the same clothes I wore in high school (and I mean that literally). He will buy me nice clothes (very stylish) and makes sure I look nice when I leave each day. I don't put near the effort into how I look and I'm so thankful he does. There are those that don't always get us or they tend to find things to criticize him or I or both of us about and that is certainly okay, but it would be really nice if folks would take the time to get to know us both and understand what makes us tick (Birkman is a huge help if you ever get the chance to take this) and then some of the little things that get nit-picked might just go away. Marriage is not easy by any stretch and you add children and/or bonus children to the mix and sometimes it can really get stressful, but if you can always remember that marriage is not a competition and it isn't about what you can get out of it, but more about what you can contribute, I believe there would be more happy marriages out there in this world than there are today. It would have been nice if I had learned this early in life and not had to go through the pains of divorce, but maybe this is something I finally learned through maturity and experience and I do know had I learned all this before and had he learned all this before we would have never found each other and I can't imagine my life without this man in it. I love you babe and I'm so thankful for every day that I can make you feel loved and cared for and like the man you really are.

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I've often wondered if everyone thinks like this, but I try to make a conscious effort to live my life each day so when I lay my head on my pillow at night I can rest with no regrets. I have not always been able to do that, but for the most part I can say I have. I will never understand how people in this world can be so rude and disrespectful to others we come in contact with and let alone any family or friends we have. I guess there has been so much in our lives and with our family that have given me reason to feel life is way too short to live in ugliness and I try (although I fail and fail often) to be the best person I can be and even when people in our lives or who cross our paths make it difficult at times, I still try to hold my tongue and keep my opinions to myself as much as I possibly can. I'm usually pretty easy going and it takes a lot to really ruffle my feathers, but it does happen from time to time and I hope I've never failed to apologize if I allow the human side of me to show it's ugly side. I'm far from perfect and I've never claimed to be, but I do believe I am more tolerable than the average bear and I do have a very forgiving heart. I know not everyone can get along all the time, but it sure would be nice if we could. Since we can't and there will always be those that cross our paths that may make it difficult to be the best person we can be, it's my hope and prayer every day that I do all within my power to look past that and continue trying to be the best person I can be so I can always lay my head down on my pillow each night and know I can sleep well and hopefully with no regrets.

Something on my mind

As my son and bonus sons begin their departures for their deployment to Afghanistan I can't help but feel a little sentimental. I know they will be safe. They are too trained not to be, but just knowing he is there and we don't have instant access to talk to him when we feel the need makes it difficult. It's hard as parents to lose the control of knowing where your kids are all the time and that they are safe, but you certainly get a crash course in it once they move out and certainly when they join the military. While I wouldn't trade this experience for him, it has sure been quite the journey. This will be his last deployment before his contract is over and I know he and Katie have to be counting down the days, but so am I. You know, there are many things people don't tell/warn you about when you are thinking of having kids and knowing how to let go and be ok with letting go is certainly one of them. I never knew this could be as hard as it has been, but if I must say so myself, I think I've done a pretty dang good job. I've had my moments, but hopefully never really let him see or know about those moments. I've tried to deal with any of that within myself and of course (bless his heart), my sweet hubby. He has certainly been a rock for me over the last few years with me adjusting to my "new normal". He has done it with grace and compassion and more understanding that I thought possible. He hasn't even really complained about the overdose of Pine Sol at times. He just knew that there was therapy in session and just let me work through it. It is just truly amazing the strength you end up finding in yourself when you have no other choice. Thank goodness I found I had more than I thought I did. Tebo might have had his doubts a time or two, but being as wonderful as he is, he never let me know it. I know there will be more adjustments once he is out of the military and settles somewhere and we begin the next chapter of a "new normal" and they start planning to have kids and me finding my place, but I know that with wonderful children like they are and my precious husband it will go as smoothly as the last few years go. I won't say that my baseboards won't have to be repainted again and there won't be a time or two that we overdose on Pine Sol, but one thing I do know for sure, we will get to the next stage with grace and love and will be better for it. That's really all I had on my mind today.

Life

You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (I do that often and probably shouldn't), but I've been wondering a lot lately about why it is that negative people can influence the actions of normally positive people the way they can. An example, we have a cousin that is living in the past so much so that it is truly eating away at her. The only way it would appear that she can deal with this is to lash out at one of my sisters. I don't understand it really, but I have come to the conclusion that the reason this cousin can get to my sister the way she can is because I believe when you have a loving person who only wants to be a positive impact on others that negative people upset that person so much is because they feel they have failed in helping that negative person. There must be people in this world that are just destined to be bitter and if they are bitter and miserable they are only happy if they make other people feel as they do. It's really sad. They are wasting so much of their life living like this and how exhausting it must be. I for one do not want to live my life like that. Yes, I want everyone to be happy and I would do anything for anyone if they needed me, but I do not want to allow someone else's bitterness and unhappiness to bring me down. I think life has enough of that all on it's own that it doesn't need the additional negativity and sadness to consume our space. I believe if my sister weren't such a loving and caring person this wouldn't bother her. This cousin has decided to attempt to make my sister's life as miserable as her own and while my sister's heart is bruised right now from all the hurtful things she continues to say, she isn't broken and she won't be. Once she realizes that this is a waste of good energy and time she will bounce back again. She won't let this rob her of her joy and happiness. Misery loves company. Don't give it company sis. Let it go and love your life and continue to enhance your life. You are in a different place in life now and it can and will be amazing. Just don't allow the negativity and misery of someone else define your day or your life. It isn't worth it. I do pray that our cousin finds happiness again one day. That's the only thing that will make this bad dream disappear. Until that time comes, just let it go and pray that she finds that happiness and love in her heart so she can move on. You don't want to be in her place in life and I know that. I love you and the ones that love you know your heart and know what you stand for. Those who seem confused or even give her comments a second thought don't love you and you don't need that poison in your life. So there, that's my take on it and that's how I feel. Enough said. :)

To my son

Dear Chad, this is for you (although he may never read it). You will understand my heart one day when you are a father and you will be a father one day when the time is right. I love you more than I love myself. It's easy, you are my heart and there isn't a moment in my life that you are not on my mind, in my thoughts, in my heart. With every breath I take I am thinking of you and loving you. You have made me one of the proudest moms in the world. Your service and accomplishments in the Marine Corps are easy to be proud of, but the things that most people may not see or know are the things I'm most proud of. I've always reminded you to live your life as though myself or BoBo were standing by and watching you and you've done that. You have made a few mistakes in life (we all have), but I've never NOT been proud of you. You went to war and are heading back and you do it with such courage that go beyond my wildest dreams. You are a husband now and what an amazing husband you have become. I don't really know where you learned how to be such an amazing husband, but I'm so proud of you. You do your best to take care of Katie and your obligations and you always take a few minutes out of each week to call me so I can hear your voice even if it's for a few minutes. You will understand what that simple little call means to me one day when your child does that for you. I can just think of you at times and my eyes fill up with tears (in a good way). There isn't a moment in my life since I watched you get on that bus in Kansas City that I don't miss you. I've cherished every second we have ever had together and I especially cherish our date nights we use to have. I miss those, but I am so thankful I have those memories. Always make time to have a date night with Katie and one day with your children. Even if it's once a month or once a week. Always make sure you do that. It will mean more to you one day than you can imagine. I am learning how to be me in this "new normal" life without you home all the time. I'm fortunate to have Tebo in my life now to make this transition easier and it helps to know you have Katie in your life so there is someone with you to help you when I can't be there. My heart goes with you to Afghanistan just as it did when you went to Iraq, SOI, & Boot Camp. My heart goes with you always no matter where you are. I will always be here for you no matter what and to give you any advice it would be to continue being the stand up man you are today. You have made me so proud and you continue to do so every day. Before you have children you never really know the kind of love you are capable of feeling. I know one day you will have that feeling and you will know exactly what I am talking about. Thank you for being the wonderful son that you are and I always want you to know how very proud I am of you and always will be. You are not only my son, but you are also my hero. I love you precious son. Always know that! Love, mom

Weighing on my mind...

You know, as parents we go through quite a bit with and for our children, but as women I think we go through this a little more (nothing against our men), but I think sometimes we feel deeper and more with the heart. For instance, for me, it hurts my heart to feel like our kids don't always think about us like we think of them. I know they have their own lives and they should, but once in a while it would be nice to get that phone call for no reason. It even bothers me when my husband's kids don't call or write him. Why in the world do these things bother women? I've got so many things on my mind lately. My son's deployment, my sister having to go through the anniversary dates again, my niece adjusting to college, not knowing how one nephew is due to never hearing from them, my youngest niece's lip, my bonus kids, parents' health, my bonus family. So many things that seem to consume my thoughts most of the time. Wanting to make sure all our family is happy and healthy and really having no control of any of it. It weighs on my mind more some days than others, but it is never gone. I am so fortunate to have the family and life I have and I am so grateful and then I feel guilty for worrying about things. It's not so much worry as much as just stuff on my mind. I think as women we tend to take on more of that kind of stuff than most men do and I guess that's the way the Lord wants us to be. I just keep thinking eventually it will get easier not to worry about our kids or to adjust to this "new normal" we have, but I haven't quite figured out when that time will come. Probably once I've fallen into complete dementia and can't remember I'm suppose to be fretting over them. Ha! I know that is no joking matter, but sometimes I think that is what it will take for me to relax when it comes to our kids and family. Of course, any time we have any of our children in harms way (i.e. war, sickness, etc.) we will always fret and worry. I love the Lord and I know he is in complete control of our lives and I pray for our children and family constantly, but there is something human about holding on to a part of that worry even though you try to give it to the Lord. Giving it is truly one thing and truly leaving it with him is another thing. I don't know why that is or how to change that, but I know that's how I feel today at this moment. Maybe I'm feeling a bit nostalgic with deployment coming soon, who knows, but that is how I'm feeling at the moment.

On my mind lately....

Well, the closer deployment for Chad gets the crazier I start feeling. It's weird, I feel anxious, nervous, sad, proud, dread, and so many other strange feelings all at one time. I know he will be safe. He has been training for over a year for this deployment and he is prepared. I only hope Katie and I are as prepared as he is. I know we have to be strong for him and for each other, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I really have what it takes to be that strong. I didn't think I did when he deployed to Iraq, but I surprised myself and found that I was stronger than I thought I was. This time I hope I continue to surprise myself, but just in case I find myself slipping and getting weak I know I have my "therapy" to fall back on. I'm sure I will have to repaint my baseboards before it's all said and done, but at least the house will be nice and clean. Of course, if all this cleaning actually prevented me from getting a mouth full of ulcers that would be fabulous. Oh well, it's not the first time nor will it be the last time that I have a mouth full and I've managed to get through that part just fine. I guess time will tell and I have no doubt that there will be lots of blog-venting going on so be patient with me as I vent all these crazy feelings on my blog. My baseboards and hubby will thank you I'm sure.

Chad/Katie Update - Deployment

Well, it's been a while since I've updated my family and friends on Chad so I thought I better get this out there. He and Katie will be coming home Sept. 17th for 12 days for pre-deployment leave. He will deploy to Afghanistan mid to end of Oct. Please keep them both (and momma) in your prayers. We are so thankful this will be his last deployment before his contract is up, but it doesn't make it less scary and sad to have to say good bye again, but we are so proud of him and all he has accomplished. He should pick up Corporal any time now so we are anxious for that to happen. He has worked so hard for it and deserves it so much. We can't wait for them to get home. I've taken off 7 days of vacation to spend as much time with them as I can before they go back to CA. Tebo is taking off the first week and he and Chad have a day planned to do "guy" stuff and that day Katie and I will do "girl" stuff. We can't wait. Of course there will be lots of pictures being taken the entire time they are home so they might as well get their camera smiles ready. :) Katie is planning to remain in CA while he is deployed so keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well that she stays close to her lady friends that she has met as they are a true support for her. I plan to do the best I can to get to CA when I can to keep her company too. Chad has been doing so much training since January and as hard as it's been for him it's been just as hard for Katie as she has had to be home alone so much and when he is home the poor thing is so dang tired that she probably still feels like she is home alone, but he has done a great job of trying to make time to do stuff together and just be together. They have handled all this like troopers. He spent 45 days at Bridgeport, CA for cold weather training where he got the beginnings of frost bite (thankfully they caught it in time so no damage was done) and hypothermia. That hypothermia was awful for him and imagine how scary it was for Katie not to be able to get to him, but like a Marine would do he fought back and with less than 30 days to recover he was off to the Mojave Viper dessert for more training where the temperatures were averaging 120 degrees each day in full gear. They did that for a little over 30 days before finally getting home. They've been working long hours to cram in any last minute training before they go on deployment leave. He has struggled some keeping his weight up (don't we all wish we had that problem?), but Katie is doing an amazing job of fixing him amazing dinners and trying to fatten him up as much as she can. They will celebrate their 1 year wedding anniversary (can you believe it's already been a year) on the 18th of Sept. They are so excited to celebrate that where they had their honeymoon. Their little addition (Remi) is getting big and I believe he must be in his terrible twos, because the other day Katie was going to pick up Chad and that little thing stepped on the window button and rolled the back window of the truck down and jumped out of the truck. Apparently he (like Chad) watched Pippy Longstocking and thought he could fly! Fortunately he must have tucked and rolled because he only suffered road rash and terrified Katie, but he wasn't seriously hurt. She believes that he must have immediately realized he was in trouble, because he laid flat on the street with his ears straight back until she got to him. Bless her heart, she was scared to death and when she got Chad they took him to the vet (what, did you think it wasn't a dog?) and he was ok. Thank goodness. I have a feeling he won't do that again. Sheeewww... Anyway, they are doing great and are very happy and I couldn't be more happy that they will be home for a couple of weeks and I just plan to soak up all the time I have with them. His contract will be over around Sept./Oct. 2011 and then they can decide where they will settle down and start their "normal" life. Military life has to be one of the most difficult, but they have handled it with such grace and courage. I don't know if I could do that well myself, but they've made it look easy. Well, that's pretty much a summarization of our kiddos and thank you in advance for all your thoughts and prayers. I think we will all need it over the next 7 to 9 months. We love ya'll and thank you for loving us and especially Chad & Katie with us.

Because You Loved Me...

Well, it's been 14 years since our precious Jessica got sick. Truthfully some days, it feels like yesterday. There has been a lot of healing since then and still more that needs to happen, but what is so amazing is the resiliency the human heart seems to have (even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it). Jessica was only 8 years old when she went to be with the Lord after a short 5 week battle with brain cancer. We don't truly know what caused it, but for me, I will go to my grave believing it was enviromental. She was an amazing child and throughout her entire illness and treatments she always smiled and was the first to tell someone that "it's okay". She, in many ways, was stronger and more positive than the rest of us. During that time we learned a lot about not only ourselves, but each other. We saw who was truly there for all of us when the chips were down. My sister (Jessica's mom) was an amazing example of a strong woman who would hold it together at all costs for Jessica. She will always be my hero for that because I don't really know if I have what it takes to do all she did during that time. Our sister, Stacy, left Memphis and moved in with Paige to care for Jessica so she could keep her job and still knew Jess was being taken care of. There aren't a lot of syblings/people who would do that. I know for Paige and certainly myself we will forever be grateful for that. My job that I had just started (literally the day she was diagnosed was my first day there) was amazing. The people at Gastonia Home Health Care could not have been more understanding and caring. They allowed me as much time as needed for me to be with my family to help as much as I could. Even my little Chadman who was (in his words) Jessica's boyfriend, but honestly, they were as close as true brother and sisters would be. He was so strong. He misses her to this day and I know this because he never fails to mention her to me during this time and he even has a tattoo remembering her. He even took what he learned from that experience and helped a friend of his who was also his age (at this time he was 9 years old) get through the loss of his little baby sister. I don't know many 9 year olds who can do that, but he did. Our parents (all of them) were amazing. They knew what to say and what not to say and when we needed something and when we didn't. We had family members that came from all over to be at the funeral and to support Paige in this horrific time. Probably one of the most impressive of all these folks was Jessica's baby sister, Jorden (who at the time was only 4 years old). She was so brave and it was actually very sweet to see her have amazing intuition to know when her mommy needed an extra hug. She wasn't really even old enough to truly grasp what was going on, but she just did everything she was asked to do and she always had perfect timing when mommy needed a hug or for her to be quiet. It will always amaze me with everything everyone did. We have a large family with 2 brothers and there are 5 of us girls and we were all there to be with Paige during this time. A family this large always seems to have someone missing at times like this, but not our family. They were either there in person, on the phone, sent flowers, cards, etc. But regarless how they were there, they were just there. It is a sad time of year, but it does warm my heart to know how loved Jessica, Paige, and Jorden were so loved during this time. We won't understand why this had to happen like it did until we are standing in front of our heavenly father one day and until then we can only know that it was in his plan. As for my sister, Paige, she continues to live her life to the fullest and while this time of year is especially hard for her she always manages to make sure Jorden and her husband know they are loved as well as the rest of her family. We all miss Jessica in our own ways, but I can't imagine how Paige misses her. Jessica will never be forgotten and will forever be loved and it a wonderful legacy to leave behind.

Chad update

WOW! He went from spending 45 days in May at Bridgeport, CA in cold weather training (and boy was it cold) to having less than 30 days home before leaving again for 30+ days in the Mohave Viper dessert with average 120 degree weather. He handles the heat so much better than the cold and I am so glad for that. I did get to hear his voice once while he was in the dessert when they had a few R&R days, but Katie did an amazing job of keeping me up to date on how he was whenever she got to talk to him (which wasn't much). I'm blessed to have a bonus daughter that loves me enough to do that for me. He arrived back to Camp Pendleton Friday, August 6th around 2 or 3 pm and the wives/girlfriends were all there waiting to pick up their sweeties and the Marine Corps decided to keep them until 9:00 pm. There they sat patiently waiting for their loves for 7 hours in the vehicles in the parking lot to finally see their skinny little faces. Most all the guys lost a good bit of weight and Chad was no exception. Katie and Chad both are working double duty to try and build his weight back up (don't you wish we all had that problem?) before he deploys in October.
He and Katie will be home in NW Arkansas around Sept. 17th for about 2 weeks for his pre-deployment leave. I can't wait. As soon as we have dates and timing confirmed by him we will be booking their flights and I will immediately start washing sheets and freshening up the bedroom! Ahhhh it will be so nice to have them home even if it's just for a couple of weeks. Anything is better than nothing so I will take what I can get.
At this time the plan is that Katie will remain in CA while Chad is deployed to Afghanistan and either attend school or work. She has a nice group of wives that are a great support for her and I'm sure she is for them and they are doing an amazing job of being there for each other when the guys are out in the field or training and I know they will be during deployment. I'm so glad she found these ladies and they are taking such good care of my girl when I can't be there.
We are so blessed with all our kids and very proud of them all.

What a couple of weeks...

We've been so busy with commitments for the last several weekends so lots of driving and work has been crazy to say the very least. Our daughter in CA had a visitor that she thought was going to be lots of fun and turned out not to be as much as expected, but she made the best of it of course. My BFF announced she was getting married and she and I are trying to plan a wedding and honeymoon together with her in KY and me here. Sheewwww... It's just been nuts. My baby boy gets back to base and to his wife tomorrow night after spending 30+ days in the Mojave Viper dessert in 120 degree weather. I will be glad for him to have air conditioning to sit in and a nice cool shower and his loving bride to take care of him. Tebo has played over 12 softball games in 2 1/2 weeks, he has the Tyson softball tournament all this weekend, Candi and Nathan have been busy and happy (with the exception that Nathan has been put on a night shift for a while so their together time is cut down significantly to say the least), Tia has gotten all moved and Trevor is days away from starting high school. Alex bought a new truck and there has been lots of activity and a fair share of drama in Tulia so we are just trying to keep up with everyone. I've had very little time to clean house so you know what that means... Baseboards will be on the list in the next couple of weeks. I feel like I've gotten behind on everything and I so do not like that. We are counting down the days that Chad and Katie come home on Sept. 17th for pre-deployment leave and we can't wait. The only thing that would make that any better is for all the kids to be home, but I know that is just wishful thinking. At least we will have Chad, Katie, Candi, and Nathan here so I won't complain for a second. Jorden starts college in a few weeks (I'm sure she has the actual days posted on Face Book), but I'm thinking it's about 20 days (give or take a day or two).... :) She is too excited and that's what it's all about. We have a good life and a happy life and while there are some things I would love to change (like having our kids closer all the time), I feel so completely blessed. I sure do love my family and my life.

Hmmmm.... You really have to wonder

You really have to wonder when a person decides to grow up and realize that when you work in a corporate environment there are certain ways to treat your co-workers. I've had this ongoing issue with a certain co-worker and it can get so frustrating. This person comes to us out of the military and while you would think this training would teach a person about respect and how to communicate, but turns out that apparently that branch doesn't teach the same kind of respect as the USMC. I am not one who typically has trouble working with people, but this one has been particularly difficult. I've had a chance today to speak with this person one on one and maybe this will help our relationship at work get better and it is my hope that the tension between us subsides and we can just all do our job and leave all the hurt and frustration (from that piece of it) behind us. I can only hope. Ugh!

BFFs

My BFF has been my BFF since the second week of high school. We were inseparable throughout all 4 years of high school. We've been with each other through marriages, births of our only children, divorce, deaths, happy times, our children getting married, and so much more. I'm reminiscing today, because tomorrow is my BFF's birthday. I can't be with her due to geography, but she is celebrating in Florida with her new "bestie", Jennifer, that she works with. I'm glad Jenn could go when I couldn't. I know she is having a ball and I wish so much I could be there.
You know you have a true BFF when you can go almost 10 years without even speaking and get a phone call and pick right up where you left off. I don't know if everyone has a someone like that in their life, but I am so grateful that I do.
We are so close that we truly feel like we are sisters and there is always more room in our lives for another sister.
Sometimes the wonderful men in our lives don't always understand why we have to talk on the phone sometimes 4 or 5 times a day, but any time something funny, sad, scary, or just plain weird happens we call the other one to tell them all about it.
We do share everything and it is the coolest thing in the world to have the same BFF for going on 30+ years now. We have both experienced a lot of things in our lives and without fail we always know we can call on each other for support, a laugh, a good cry, or even a phone date with our wine (well, she hasn't grown up to wine yet so she has her wine cooler), sorry Boo! LOL
I really don't know after all these years what it would be like not to have her as my BFF, but I don't plan to find out.
Happy Birthday my sister and I know you will have many more sunshiny days ahead. Love you! (more pictures to come)

Loneliness... Our Military Wives

So as a parent, I cannot imagine this and I am sure those of you who are parents will relate. Those that are not parents yet, you still have family and close friends that I know you can relate to this as well.

My daughter, Katie, is out in CA with Chad who will be deploying soon and he has been in basically back to back training since January which means she has been left alone for the most part for up to 45 days at a time. She has a couple of girls that he has made friends with, but they have their lives to live and apparently are not the visiting type much. That makes life in a new state and so far from home and family and friends so much harder.

Her biological family has basically treated her as though she doesn't exist anymore. Who the heck does that? I don't understand and I never will (nor do I want to). My heart breaks for her and I know Chad's does too. He doesn't want to worry about Katie being lonely while he is training or deployed and most men wouldn't have to worry about that because usually her family and friends would make sure she is taken care of and safe and happy. Tebo and I are doing our part and trying so hard to make sure she knows we love her as well as some of my family members, but sometimes it takes her own family to step up and be..... well, FAMILY! What is wrong with these people.

We are going to do everything we can to get them here for his pre-deployment leave and spend as much time with them as we possibly can. We don't even know if her family will even want or try to see them while they are here, but if they don't, it is their own loss. Then once he deploys, we will do whatever we can to help them do what they want to do and what is best for them. We are so upset that we can't make this go faster for them, but we can't. Yes, I know, they both knew this would be tough and that he had to leave again, but there is not one person in this world that can say that at the moment you wouldn't think it wouldn't be a big deal until you are in the midst of the situation and then you realize, wow, this is much harder than I thought it would be. I have to believe that in some way it wouldn't be as hard as it is on her right now if her family would step up and make her feel like they are still there for her. What is wrong with people these days? Our children (and family for that matter) is all we really have when it comes right down to it and honestly, I'm proud to call her my daughter.

We (as a country) talk so much about supporting our troops and trust me, I am so grateful for that. But let us not forget these wives that are out there not only supporting troops, but their husbands, and in some cases children while all the time trying to stay strong for their husbands and for family memebers. It is comforting to me as a mom to know that Katie is out there taking care of my son and making sure he is happy and healthy when I can't be there. We can't forget those wives. They are living this life just like our men are. These young women need their families and friends and while they do sometimes have each other out there, there are many times when they sit at home alone. It breaks my heart to know she sits there day in and day out all alone (even with others right there close) and the only company she does have is when I call her. She deserves better than that.

You hang in there my Katie Bug... Carly (what a precious friend) will be there soon and then you and Chad will be home and we will have our girl time while the guys go have their time. :) I can't wait. Love you.