Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

It's kind of funny if you think about it. I could have been pictured singing this to Chad before Dec. 1, 2010. I use to feel exactly this way for him. I would have done anything for him and I never wanted to let go. Now, I can truly hear Chad singing this to me. It's much like when Jessica's favorite song was "Because you Loved me" by Celien Deon (sp?) and she would sing her little heart out I could hear Paige singing that to Jessica. Then when Jessica went to heaven I could so hear Jessica singing that song to Paige. Every time I hear this song I have to turn it up really loud and I sing to the top of my lungs and imagine Chadman singing it to me. I dedicate this song to me from Chad (becauase I am suer he would if he could) :)

Heaven Was Needing A Hero - fallen soldier tribute

A friend of mine sent this to me and I have to say there was no more perfect song for how I feel. This is the only way I can truly make sense of all this. I miss you Chadman and momma loves you so much and I will continue to honor you to the best of my ability and I will fail, but I will keep trying. My promise is I will not stop until I make sure all of your brothers are able to spend their precious time with their families like we were able to do with you before you left. You are my inspiration and strength right now. I don't like this, but I got this! You wouldn't believe all the love and support we are getting and the support and excitement around our project (Wings for Our Troops in your memory). I love you my sweet baby boy and I will live the rest of my life trying to honor your memory and I will always support your brothers. Love, Momma Bear

It's Official! - Project Update 4

We have a name!  Wings for Our Troops "in loving Memory of CPL Chad S Wade".
For those new to this project I will give you a quick overview before getting into the newest developments we've had.  This project was first conceived when Tebo and I first realized that our Marines had to pay to get home before and after deployments.  I guess I just assumed that our government paid for these young men and women to go home for pre and post deployment leave.  I was wrong!  This expense comes out of their own pockets.  There is a true misconception that our military folks get paid this great salary and everything is paid for them.  That is so far from the truth that it's actually very sad.  Our military does not make much money at all.  So when we learned that some of the guys wouldn't be able to go home before deploying to Iraq Tebo and I offered to help them get home.  They refused to take a hand out so that's when the wheels started turning for us.  They are too proud to take a hand out, but maybe, just maybe they would be willing to apply for assistance through a foundation set up just for that reason.  Well, I'm ashamed to say that once we had Chad home, while it was in the back of my mind, we didn't actively push to start this project.  Once Dec. 1st came around and we got the news that Chad was KIA while in Afghanistan it tugged at my heart even more knowing that while the band of brothers is an amazing thing and I know it helped these guys more than we may ever know, I truly believe their true healing won't start until they are home with their families.  Chad was fortunate enough to have us be able to help him get home.  I can't imagine now not having those 11 days with him here before Afghanistan and I'm sure every parent and family member feels the same way we do that we wouldn't trade those visits for anything, but can you imagine after all these guys have been through while on this deployment how much more their families will cherish their return visits home and how much these guys need these visits?  I do not ever want one service member not be able to go home because they can't afford to get there.  So now on to our official update!

So we have a name, Wings for Our Troops and now we are in the process of setting up our bank account as well as I've already been reaching out to folks to understand how to get our website up and running.  If there is anyone out there reading this that can help me with that it will be greatly appreciated.  I'm clueless and a little computer challenged so I can use all the help I can get with that.  We have our "Advisory" committee set up.  Our members for that are:  Tebo & I, Russell Tooley, Sean Gill (former Captain in the Air Force and Navy), Jimmy Keene (former Captain Army), Glennia Hunt, and our honorary member, Seth Voie (USMC).  This committee will be responsible for coming up with rules of engagement and criteria for distributing the funds.  We will be creating another committee as well that will help generate ideas for fundraisers, getting the word out about our project/foundation, etc.  I'm excited to work with this committee, because this is where all the action happens.  :)

Speaking of raising money, I am so excited for a couple of reasons.  First, I know many of you have seen my blog about the jewelry I received from Ally Miller (and check out Daisy & Elm for Friday's Jewelry!).  Well, she has decided all military jewelry she makes she will donate the money to our foundation.  This will include her "Red Friday" jewelry.  Thank you so much Ally!  You are amazing!  Also, one of Chad's very first friends he had here in AR, Cody Bradley, is in a Christian rock band and he has a t-shirt that he will be donating all proceeds of those sales to our project as well (I will be getting more information about that from him).  We haven't even kicked off this project completely yet and we've already had so many amazing people reach out wanting to help that it is almost overwhelming. 

This is a chance for us all to pay it forward a little and to show our troops that we not only appreciate them, but we want to take care of them as well.  Not all these service men and women are as fortunate as Chad was (we were blessed enough to be able to help) to have the help to get home and it breaks my heart to think one of them might not be able to travel home because of money.

While starting out we will have to focus on the US Marine Corps it is our goal that the other branches pick up and it will be available for all branches.  Our goal is to have this foundation go nation wide and have a website up and running in order to make it easier for people to donate online.  Tyson Foods, Inc has been amazing in helping us get this thing started and if we get the sponsorship from one of our groups here at Tyson we will be able to have fundraisers here that will allow the money collected to go directly to our foundation.  This is so exciting.  We still have much to do, but we are so close I can taste it. 

I want to give a special shout out to Russell Tooley of Tyson Foods, Inc.  If it weren't for him we wouldn't be this far.  Thank you Russell for all your help and your excitement for this project.  I am sure I drive him crazy with my impatience and excitement and energy, but I am passionate about this and I am determined to see it through.  I have a burden on my heart for these men and women and I won't rest until I know they know we are here to appreciate them and take care of them.  I guess you could say I have a new life mission.  Oh boy, there better look out.  When I put my mind to something there could be no stopping me. 

I would love to see our NFL teams, Nascar, college teams, etc. get involved in this.  If you think about it, almost every sports team regardless what it is typically recognizes our military in some fashion at some point in their season.  Why wouldn't they want to support this effort.  I will tell you that I expect the Peyton Mannings, Pat Summits, and Dale Jr (Chad's favorite driver) and more to get involved and they can certainly expect to hear from me.  :D 

Thank you in advance for all everyone has done or will do with this project and be watching for the latest updates.  I plan to start a blog just for the project very soon (maybe even tonight) so I can make sure we get as much visibility as we can.  I will also have a Face Book page for it as soon as it kicks off.  I'm super excited if you couldn't tell and I hope everyone reading this gets excited as well.

Mother's Day 2011 & My bonus kids

You know, I truly was dreading Mother's Day this year.  It was hard, don't get me wrong.  I was very emotional off and on most of the day, but I made it through it.  I keep saying that I don't feel like a mom and I still don't, but I do want to say that I am still a bonus mom.  I'm not referring to all my bonus kids I have throughout the military and Chad's friends, but I'm talking about my original bonus kids.  Candi, Nathan, Tia, Alex, and Trevor.  They always do a great job of including me and remembering me all the time and even more since Dec. 1st.  They have really stepped up and made sure they made me feel important and loved.  I can't put that kind of gratitude into words.  I don't know if I will ever get that "I feel like a real mom" feeling back, but I do know that I am a bonus mom to so many, but especially to 5 amazing kids/young adults.  I'm so thankful to have them in my life and none of this would have been possible, of course, without their daddy.  I'm very blessed to have Tebo in my life and the love of his children and I will forever be thankful of that.  They are all very good kids and they work hard and they love hard.  They have huge hearts and would do anything for anyone at any time.  That is good character and it just shows me how they were raised.  I hate we don't see them as much as we would like, but we are fortunate enough to have Candi and Nathan right here locally now so we can see them any time we need to.  I probably talk to Candi almost every day either on the phone, text, email, or walk down and see her at work, but it's nice to know if we need our "kid fix" we can go to their house across town and see them.  That's a nice feeling.  We have Tia and Alex (who is an honorary bonus kid right now until he makes it official) coming in town the weekend of Memorial Day.  We haven't had them just all to ourselves ever so that will be a nice treat.  We just plan to kick back and relax.  We were fortunate enough to have Trevor live with us for two years here in AR and that was nice.  I know Tebo absolutely loved having him here every day and getting to participate in daily activities with him.  I know he misses that and I hate that for him, but Trevor is where he needs to be right now for him and that's the most important part.  He is in high school and it would be very hard not to graduate with the friends he has known and been around his whole life.  All in all we can't complain.  We have amazing kids and an amazing family dynamic and as dysfunctional as it may seem to some it works for us.  :)

Tebo's Wife Gifts

So I should start out by giving a little explanation of "Tebo's Wife Gifts".  Those who know Tebo already know he is the best gift giver ever.  He is always so thoughtful and always loves to buy clothes and jewelry for me.  This year for Mother's Day it was bothering him that I really didn't want to celebrate and I was struggling so he came up with a fabulous idea.  He decided that he would do "Tebo's Wife Gifts" instead of Mother's Day gifts.  They would be funny, something I needed, and no sentimental stuff.  Also, he fixed it so I would get a gift a day starting on Wednesday through Saturday so that they couldn't get confused with a "Mother's Day" gift.  He's a pretty smart fellow.
So here goes our journey through the 4 days of "Tebo's Wife Gifts"

Day 1:  Wednesday (boiled egg timer)...  You might think, what?  Well, let me explain.  The only way (yes when I do at all) I can make boiled eggs is by dropping this little egg into the water and the darker the egg gets the more done your boiled eggs are.  My bonus mom gave me one shortly after I moved out on my own and I had used it so much it was just falling apart and I wasn't sure if it even worked anymore.  I had mentioned a few times that I needed a new one soooo...  

Boiled Egg Timer

Day 2: Thursday (shoe box) ... Again, let me explain...  See, when I buy a pair of shoes I want those shoes to come in their original box.  I then bring them home and place them on the correct shelf (according to color) and they remain in their original shoe box.  Well, my BFFSS across the street took me shopping one night and I loved this pair of red shoes.  I went up to get the box and check out and low and behold, there was NO box!  First, how does that happen?  I'm sure when the department store received the shoes they were in their box, but apparently they lost the box at some point.  Well, I told him I didn't want them without the box so he said what if I take another 10% off the shoes (which were already on sale of course) and I thought a few minutes and looked at her and decided I should buy the shoes, but we would have to go get me a shoe box.  When I got home Tebo said he would get me a shoe box at "Beneath The Bed" and he forgot.  Sooooo...  

He did good

Day 3: Friday (Vinturi Tower)... Fine, I will explain for those that don't know... I love me some wine and our BFF Russell bought me a wine breather thing (I can't remember what they are actually called) that puts the air in your wine so you don't have to wait for it to breathe before you start enjoying your glass.  This tower holds it for me.  You might wonder why I would need that (well, if you know me well you wouldn't have to ask).  Well, it just so happens when you use this little breathing thing without the tower it tends to drip wine and it gets on the counter and sometimes my hands and it drives me crazy.  I constantly have wine to clean up and it is almost always certain that when I am using it with my red wine I grab my white towel to clean up the dripping wine, soooo...  

He does do good with gifts

Day 4: Saturday (New Dishes - that match!)... Here comes the big one!  Since we combined two households when we got married and we were/are both very set in our ways and don't like change much, we have been using our combined hodge podge dishes all this time.  Neither set had more than 4 place settings so it was hard to just get rid of a set or two because if we had just our kids over we wouldn't have enough of all the same ones.  We've looked many times at buying new ones, but I always found a reason (usually money) not to get them yet.  Well.....

Cups

Bowls

Plates

Whole set - see, he does good work

Soooo...  you know, I really love it when things are organized and match and in order so as soon as we were finished with breakfast I couldn't wait to pull all our old dishes out and replace them with our lovely new ones so I got after it.  After I replaced all our old plates (had to keep a few plastic ones because he loves to microwave with those) with our beautiful new ones that I got just for being Tebo's wife.  :)  Is he a biscuit or what.  So here is how it looks now with it all nice and organized and matching!  WooHoo!  Thank you babe.

Plates & Bowls

Cups

Cups with Tebo's cereal bowls

So I have one final thing to show you in our cabinets.  You know I mentioned earlier that we aren't real crazy about change.  Well, I tend to get really attached to certain things and especially if it has anything to do with my kids.  This is something that is particularly special to me and something I've had since Chad was 3 years old.  He loved the Atlanta Braves and he and I were watching a Braves' ballgame one day together and I was looking at the back of his cereal box and they were selling little plastic ball cap cereal bowls.  We tried to order the Braves bowl, but all they had left was the White Sox.  Well, he loved the bowl so I ordered it and he used that bowl until, well, he went into the Marine Corps.  Don't get me wrong, when he came home and ate cereal (even after he was in the Marine Corps), he would use this bowl.  I almost packed it up with his fry daddy when he got married and moved his things to California, but I just couldn't part with it.  Today when I was reorganizing our cabinets there that bowl was and I told Tebo I was so glad I never packed it up and it had to stay right in this cabinet.  Soooo...  

Chad's special cereal bowl

So needless to say, it's good to be Tebo's wife...  I love you babe!  You're the best.

Another Bonus Sun

Another of our bonus sons added some additional sunshine to my day today.  SSGT Soto is probably not one you've heard a lot about lately so let me refresh your minds about him or tell you about him for the first time.  SSGT Soto accompanied Captain Martinez (Carl) to our house on that faithful night of Dec. 1, 2010.  We were his first family to have to notify so can you begin to imagine how difficult he found his job to be that night?  He was precious.  I can't remember a whole lot about that night except that both SSGT Soto and Captain Martinez were so caring and genuine.  I knew we would love them forever from that moment on.  SSGT Soto escorted Tebo and I to Dover and stayed with us every step of the way from that night on until after the funeral.  He was truly the most precious thing ever to us.  We keep in touch via email, although not as much as I would like, since then, because I have to make sure he calls his mom (his real mom) each day and at the very least every other day.  He has kept his promise.  See, he is a good son.
Anyway, so this morning I'm rearranging my kitchen (okay, Tebo's kitchen) cabinets when the doorbell rings.  Tebo answers it and it is more flowers.  We open the box (okay, again, Tebo opens it) and they are beautiful roses and a small box of chocolates from SSGT Soto.  His card read "Please know that although you don't here from me often, you and your family will always be in my thoughts and prayers.  God bless you and Tebo in all that you do! Jose M Soto".  It was a very nice bright spot in our day.  Thank you SSGT (aka bonus son) and know that you too are thought of daily and we truly appreciate you thinking of us.  Make sure you call your mom soon if you haven't already.  Love, Momma bear

Flowers & Chocolates

There were two white roses (my fav)

His precious card

Oh My Bonus Sons...

So, yes, I'm dreading Mother's Day.  There, I said it.  However, we get home tonight after having dinner out (it was my night to cook) and Candi and Myka are here and Candi says, that box was on your front stoop when we got here.  It was from ProFlowers.  I thought my precious husband sent them (a whole other story to be told later), but I was wrong.  I opened the box and the card said this " Happy Mother's Day Bonus Mom - Love Your Bonus Sons: Zach, Seth, RoRo, Shawn, and Rob".  You read correctly!  My bonus boys sent me beautiful flowers for Mother's Day.  I could only do two things.  First.... "Oh My God!"  Second... "cry".  Yes they were happy tears and shocked tears, but tears non-the-less...  Thank you boys.  I love each of you from the bottom of my heart!  Love, mom (aka bonus mom)

From My Bonus Boys

From: Zach, Seth, RoRo, Shawn, & Rob

I love them!

P.S..... I couldn't figure out how to flip my pictures so you will have to turn your head to the side to see... :)

Baby Noahh Brag Time!

Oh my how he is growing up.  I can tell I need to work on his wardrobe though (you will see why shortly)...  :)  Emily is so great about keeping me updated on new pictures and all his little comings and goings since their move to SC.  She promises me that she will make sure he loves the TN Vols and Colts (for Chad of course), but no pressure Em...  jk... (a little). 
He is absolutely beautiful and I can't wait to get my hands on him again.  I hope it's sooner than later.  I thought I would take a minute to share a few photos.  I will share a sweet story she told me about today.  He was eating and he went fast asleep.  Those that were around when Chad was a baby I bet you remember when he fell asleep in the highchair at McDonald's with a french fry in each hand.  I guess moms everywhere have stories like that about their babies.  I love it.

I see a Colts outfit in his near future

Love this little Marine

I wonder if I can wake daddy up

What an angle

Love the sassy

Daddy!  Wake up!

Emily, if you are reading this, make sure you have a wonderful first Mother's Day with little Noahh Stafford and give him a big hug and kiss from his Ammy.  We love ya'll and thank you for sharing the pictures (even the one with the Steeler outfit)...  Ha! 

Another thank you for today

Key Ring - Love this picture & my boy

The entire bracelet

First half



Second half



Yet again I am amazed at the kindness of complete strangers.  Well, technically she isn't a stranger anymore and I have now adopted yet another bonus son and daughter.  I'm talking about a precious young lady named Ally Miller.  Her husband, Neal, is deployed at this time as well and she makes jewelry.  She stays very busy with it and does an amazing job.  I encourage anyone interested to let me know and I will give you her contact information.  If you have special pictures that you would like to turn into jewelry you can keep forever she can do it.  Also, she has taken things a step further (and after getting to know this beautiful person I'm not surprised).  She plans to take the money she makes off military jewelry she makes and donate it to our Chad Project (name TBD)!  Can you believe it?  This is someone I haven't had the privilege to meet in person YET!  She reached out to me after finding my blog and offered to make me a bracelet in memory of Chad.  She said she wanted to do this for me because she felt she couldn't do anything else.  First of all Ally, just being a friend and being encouraging and supportive was doing more than you might think.  Anyway, I sent her several pictures that I would like to include and told her to surprise me with the ones she used and the order and she did.  Then she also surprised me by including the sweetest key ring with a picture of Chad and I dancing at his wedding.  It is priceless and I love it!  You know, the only thing I have really found wrong with Ally so far is she is a KY kitty cat fan.  I'm trying hard to over look that little detail, but every time I look up at the sky and if it happens to be KY blue I think about her.  :)  Just kidding Ally.  She was great about Chad and I being huge TN Vols fans (how could you not be) so I will have to cut her a little slack.  LOL!  If you want jewelry made please let me know either through my blog or email and I will make sure you get her contact information.  Here are some examples of what she did for me just because.  Again, thank you Ally... Lovey, "bonus mom"

Another special thank you...

So those that were at Chad's funeral got the chance to see this amazing gift Tebo and I received from my sister Stacy and her husband Leckey.  She asked me if we would like a picture of Chad at the front of the church just in case we weren't able to have an open casket and I said yes, I thought that would be really nice.  Well, I had no clue what she would end up with and if she even showed me the picture she planned to use I can tell you I never remembered.  Well, let me tell you.  When Stacy gets her head around doing something she does it and she usually does it big.  When I say big, can I say, life size?  :)  Let me tell you, the first moment I saw the picture it literally took my breath away.  It was like I could just reach right over and give him a big hug.  He was MY SIZE!  I know, that didn't take much, but it really felt like I could just give him a hug and kiss.  It's beautiful.  I'm still uncertain where I want to hang it so right now it's hanging out in his and Trevor's old bedroom and I go in there at least once a day and give him a little smile and sometimes a little momma bear kiss.  I love it Stacy and Tebo and I appreciate you and Leckey for doing something so selfless as this.  It is something we will forever treasure and every time I look at it I think of you as well.  what a gift.  The picture on here doesn't do it justice so if you ever want to see the life size picture of my Chadman just come on by.  I'm happy to show it off.  :)  Love you and thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

Am I happy or what...Hmmm... Osama bin Laden

Hmmmm... I guess it could be summed up in two words, "cautiously excited". While it is great that one of the worst masterminds behind terrorism is now dead, I know it's not over. There is still much to be done. I've had lots of people ask me how I feel and if I feel justice has been served. Well, it's hard to answer that completely, but I will say that while it will never make it okay or make up for the loss of my son, there is a kind of vindication that comes from knowing they have been crippled up. It's a very difficult situation to be in and very hard not to want to hate, but there is no time for hate. If I allow myself to get lost in hatred or vengeance then "they" win. I won't allow that! Al Qaeda is made up of hatred (in my opinion) so I won't give them the satisfaction. Besides, I still have lots of bonus kids fighting the fight and still in harms way and until each and everyone is back on US soil, not only will I not rest, but I will not get lost in the hatred and vengeance of it all. None of those things will bring my son back or any one's loved ones that have paid the ultimate sacrifice. It won't heal those who have been physically and mentally wounded. It won't make those visions that my "bonus" boys will have in their heads the rest of their lives away. What it does do is gives us a little satisfaction that this horrible person can never hurt anyone (personally himself) again. Yes, he has those followers that will want to pick up where he left off and he has those that he mentored that will try to carry on his mission and take revenge on the US, but we will be ready. Our men and women will be ready. They are now (hopefully) rejuvenated a touch to carry on. Hopefully their morale is lifted somewhat that they truly are seeing progress with this recent accomplishment and seeing what they accomplished in Iraq and are trying to accomplish in Afghanistan. Is this over? NO! Not by a long shot, but it is a step. A huge step! I am so proud of my son and all his brothers that served side by side with him and the brothers I don't know, but support. It's because of you that we can even take a few minutes to celebrate in our hearts that this evil man is now dead. I will limit my celebrating (if no one minds) for when all our men and women are safe and out of harms way and personally for me, all my bonus kids that are still in Iraq or Afghanistan. Don't loose focus guys! Keep your head down and know that you have a warrior angle that is trying really hard to help watch out for you and you have lots of prayers from over here for each and every one of you. We won't rest until you can. Much love, "momma bear"