When is enough really enough? I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend. Friday would have been Chad's 24th birthday, it was Memorial Day weekend where we honor our fallen heroes (Chad happens to be one of many), my youngest sister had her chemo treatment on Tuesday after Memorial Day, and so on. When is enough really enough for one family? I'm not really having a pity party (well, maybe a little), but more than that I've had lots of quiet time on my hands (which I truly needed) and I've done some thinking.
We are really no different than other families that have had more than their share of sadness or loss. It just seems a bit intensified lately, because there are so many "milestone" moments that hit all at once for us (as it would seem, to us).
So let me just talk/write out loud for a moment. In 1996 our sister, Janet, passed away at 17 years old unexpectedly. She had just become a Christian in December of 1995 and her birthday was the 27th of December. She started writing amazing poetry and she even wrote one right before she passed away that almost predicted her early demise. She passed away February 12, 1996 and we buried her on Valentine's Day. Then in or around August of 1996 our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy and began an oral chemo pill. If that wasn't enough, suddenly in September (Labor Day weekend to be exact) our niece (my sister, Paige's oldest daughter) came home from school with a note asking could she be having migraines. Well, the odd thing about that was that the year prior Chad had been having migraines and they were treating him with a maintenance medicine to manage them so we thought, well, I guess she could be. Well, Chad and I were driving the 2 hours from Gastonia, NC to Asheville, NC to help care for mom when Paige called and told me about Jessica. I picked up Jorden and kept her so they could care for Jessica. See, the doctors first thought she had the flu or something like that, but she wasn't getting any better. Paige called me on Monday, Labor Day and told me she was like a zombie and she wouldn't respond to them. I told her to get her in the car and I was on my way. See, Jessica would normally respond to me if she wouldn't respond to her mom (she was at that age where we thought this was normal). I got there and she didn't even respond to me and we knew then they had to get her to the hospital. Long story short, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. She was 8 years old. She fought for 5 weeks before cancer won the battle. We were all devastated, but obviously none more than Paige. We had never really experienced this in our family before and didn't know how to deal with it. Of course I wanted to "fix" everything. What's interesting and important to know is that our sister, Stacy, moved from Memphis to live with Paige so she could care for Jessica so Paige could still work as much as she could. Stacy stopped her entire life to do this and was happy to do it. Paige was fortunate to have her there and I know it was a blessing to say the very least. After Jessica passed away, Chad and I moved into Paige's house with her and her husband and Jorden. I was worried about Paige and Chad was struggling with the loss of Jessica so it just seemed like the right thing to do. We eventually moved into mom's house to help her sell the house and get her settled into something smaller and more manageable for her. Fast forward a few years and we get to Chad enlisting into the Marine Corps. We were proud and scared at the same time. I asked him to give it 3 months (don't know why that timeline) and think about it and weigh all options. He did just that. After 3 months he told Tebo and I that he really wanted to enlist and we told him we would support him 100%. We did. He was getting ready for his first deployment and he called me and said "mom, I've met a girl". We go back and forth about how he met her and this and that and he said, here, let me send you a picture of her. He emailed the picture and I said, Chad, she is beautiful. He was like, I know mom. He said he was going to take her on a date when he was home for pre-deployment leave. Now, you have to know that Chad never really had a girlfriend. He was more interested in hunting, fishing, the guys, and what boys do. He didn't really worry himself about girls (well except Charlene who he loved from afar)... I encouraged and supported him, but he fell hard! When I say he fell hard, that is an understatement. He saw her every chance he could while he was here for two weeks. The week or so before he deployed he flew her to CA to spend a week with him and when he was ready to leave he called me and said, mom, take care of Katie and make sure she is ok while I'm gone. Well, what do you think I did? I took care of Katie. I spent every minute with her I could and I basically courted her for him. Then I get the call that he wants to propose to her. I told him to sleep on it and call me tomorrow (which was always my answer) and he did and he was serious. I said ok, you tell me what you want me to do. He wanted me to pick out different rings and send them to him to pick from so I did. He picked it out and I made arrangements to get it purchased and sent to the house. Ok, now think about this for a moment. My only child goes off to war, gets engaged all at one time. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but all I could think about was making sure he was happy and had what he wanted. They were going to get married in December when he was on Christmas leave. I'm thinking, ok, that could be doable. Then 4 weeks before he was to come home from Iraq he calls and says they decided to get married when he got home. I said, Chad, that is only 4 weeks away.... His response? "If anyone can do it, you can momma bear". Well, what do you do with that? You pull off a wedding and reception in 4 weeks. We did. He got home and a week later got married. It was a beautiful wedding and yes, I cried a lot, but it wasn't because I was sad he was getting married. It was a lot of things. My baby boy had just been to war and seen things he shouldn't have to see at his age, he had a girl in his life for the first time that was not me, he got married! He was now a married man! He left for CA about a week later (or less) and Katie and I helped her get prepared to join him. It came quicker than any of us expected and there he was, a husband. He was a great husband too. I asked him one day how he learned to be such a great husband when it was just he and I for so long. He said, from you mom. I was taken back a moment and truly didn't know what to say, but it was the best compliment he could have given me. Then came pre-deployment for Afghanistan. We got them home for 11 days and I took every day of vacation I had available and made sure I was home when he was home. I have to say it was the most amazing visit we've ever had. He spent more time at home that visit than he ever had before. We spent time at BoBo and Nana's and hugged me a lot that visit. I was in heaven (I won't lie). I had told Tebo several times that I didn't have a good feeling about this deployment and he would never say anything, but encouraging things to me. I took them to the airport and Katie went to the bathroom for a minute and I had time with him alone and I asked him if he was scared. He said yeah a little, but I'm prepared mom. I said, I'm scared too, but I will take care of Katie. He said thanks mom. I need you to do that. I did. I called her every day and we talked multiple times a day. I told her I was available any time day or night. Then December 1, 2010 came and our lives changed forever! He was gone. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. He was my heart. It was always just me and him until I married Tebo, how would I go on? We get through that for basically a year and a few months and my little sister, Stacy gets diagnosed with breast cancer. Really? She is 36 years old and she has to fight this disease? Why not me Lord? I didn't pray, I begged God to give it to me and not her. I could handle it and if it was stronger than me then I could join Chad sooner than later, but not her. She has two babies that need her and a husband that loved her. Our parents didn't deserve to watch their child go through this like my other sister had to do. It wasn't fair. Well, it was real and it was what it was and she started the fight. She has done really well. She will have her last chemo treatment on June 11th and will then have a double mastectomy and partial hysterectomy and have her lymph nodes removed. 6 months after that and radiation she will have reconstructive surgery and it's our hope and prayer that she will be rid of this horrible disease once and for all. I just don't know how much more one family can take. It's not that I think we deserve more or better, I just don't know when enough will be enough. It's been tough. I know there are others that have it harder than us, but it certainly feels like we are all being tested in ways I never thought we would have to be. We have a strong family and we all have our own personal close circle of friends that we lean on, but we are ready for a break. I don't know about the rest of my family, but I'm ready to have a little break and some good news for a change. It's about time I think.
If you are reading this and you are a prayer warrior, I'm asking that you add my family, especially my sister, Stacy, to your prayer list. We need a break from sadness and pain and finally see that things are turning around for our family. I don't want to continue watching my sister go through this cancer fight. I want her to see her kids grow up, graduate, go to college, get married, have children.... all the stuff we expect to see in our life time. So I'm asking (just short of begging) for prayers for our family. I know this is a pretty unconventional way of asking, but it's the best way I know how at this time. My heart hurts and it's not just for myself, but for my whole family. We need a blessing and a miracle for a change. I have another sister in Asheville, Amanda, that just had gallbladder surgery today, another sister, Paige, that had some skin cancer surgery, and honestly, I don't know how much more my parents can take. Just pray... That's really all we need right now. Please and thank you.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Well, made it....
Well, we made it through what would have been Chad's 24th birthday, his first birthday as a civilian since enlisting 4+ years ago, and Memorial Day this weekend. I wasn't sure how I wanted to spend this weekend. To be quite honest, if I could have crawled in a hole that seemed like a better option, but it wasn't the right thing to do.
Instead, I took Friday off for vacation (which will most likely become an annual thing for me) and spent some time at the cemetery and took roses. This year rather than taking just Tennessee orange roses I decided I would find something that served two purposes for me. I found (lucky me) yellow roses (for the yellow roses of Texas) with Tennessee orange inside (I'm not a huge believer in "signs", but that felt like one to me). I wanted something to not only signify Chad and our love for Tennessee, but I also wanted something to honor my husband who has literally been the most amazing husband throughout this entire process (and one that I'm certain will be a lifetime process) for me (I never told him I purposely did that, but he noticed the yellow roses immediately). He just accepts me for however I am at the moment. Trust me, I've been a lot of different things since December 1, 2010 and he has never once made me feel like I'm not entitled to feel like I feel at that moment. I would hope and pray that all husbands treat their wives this way, but unfortunately, I know this isn't the way it truly is for everyone and for that I'm sorry, but also grateful that God put Tebo and I together when he did for this very reason.
I took some patriotic cupcakes to the staff at the Fayetteville National Cemetery for all the hard work they do (and trust me, it's a lot of hard work every day) and since it was Chad's birthday I put a little something special in the bag along with the cupcakes. I also gave them "No Bake" cookies (Chad's favorite sweet thing). They were so appreciative especially Chris who works in the office. She is just a doll. There is another lady in the office who's name escapes me right now that has always been so sweet to me. So, I thought I would share something with you that means a lot to me and while it may not to anyone else, I hope it made the staff there feel some better. They have struggled since Chad was placed there with water running right through where Chad is and it caused his headstone to be shorter than the rest of them and difficult for them to get the grass to grow well. It was hard for me to spend time there on some days, but I would just sit in my car on those days and have quiet time that way so for me it wasn't a huge deal although the fleshy side of me at times did get frustrated. It wasn't until this week that it was finally all fixed up and the sod was growing amazingly and the water wasn't just staying in that spot all the time. That's when I realized what an actual blessing it was that all this happened as it did. See, here is why I believe all that happened (as silly as it might be)... Our family is known for being short (we are Crofts and we are all known for that) and Chad's headstone was the shortest. Had this not happened we would have never seen deer tracks only on his spot in the Fall. He loved to hunt. Then the final and probably to me one of the sweetest memories was with all the water around his resting spot made me remember one of the funniest first moments we had in our house in Bentonville after Tebo and I got married. We had a ton of water in our backyard from flooding and we weren't getting enough run off at the time to get rid of it so Tebo and Chad were out in the backyard with buckets trying to get the water out of the backyard before it could flood the deck and get into the house. He worked just as hard as Tebo with his big 'old rubber boots on and it was the cutest thing that I had to get a picture (of course). See, had his spot been perfect from the start I wouldn't have had those little reminders. I shared this with Chris and one of the workers and they just laughed and seemed glad rather than sorry like they were at first.
In addition to getting them the "No Bake" cookies, I picked up a box for Tebo. That might not seem like a big deal to most, but I don't usually have sweets in the house (well except for me) so that was a treat all in itself, but I wanted him to have Chad's favorites for the 25th and he did. :)
Once I left the cemetery I had the pleasure of a massage thanks to a dear girlfriend, Kristin Allen, and let me just say, apparently I needed that more than I thought. The massage therapist, Megan, was an absolute doll and while she had no clue what that day was like for me or that it was even Chad's birthday she never said a word (I hate it when they talk). She just gave me a great massage for an hour and could not have been a sweeter person. Once I left there I noticed I had a message from my dear girlfriend, Kristen Jeffery (aka KJ), that simply said, I put some comfort food in your fridge. I thought I knew what it might have been, but I didn't even check until after I had my shower. Once I checked the fridge I saw my comfort food and it was exactly that.... cookie dough. :) She knows me well. I got a little cookie dough and something to drink and sat on the deck with my country music playing in the background and just sat and enjoyed the quiet. Around 3:00 my sister, Stacy, came over and joined me on the deck. We had some nice sister time and waited for Tebo get back in town. He joined us on the deck for a few hours and then he took us to dinner, Red Lobster (aka Red Slobber) and we had a great dinner. Once we returned to the house Stacy went home and Tebo and I just had us time and went to sleep. All in all it was a good day and while it was emotional and I struggled a lot on the inside, those around me made me feel like I had arms of comfort all around me all day in the most amazing ways. It might have been a phone call, a voice mail, a text, a FB message, or just simply changing their FB profile picture to a picture of Chad. That kind of love and compassion is hard to come by and I was lucky enough to not only get that Friday for Chad's birthday, but today for Memorial Day as well.
It was truly what I would call a bittersweet day and outside of not having Chad here, I wouldn't change a thing.
As for today, I struggled with what to do. I wanted to spend the day with family, but I also wanted to go to the ceremony at the Fayetteville National Cemetery and also just wanted a quiet day to reflect and not necessarily celebrate. So, while it was hard not hanging out with my family, we chose to go to the cemetery this morning and have a late breakfast and then home. I actually came in and took a long nap and just hung out on the deck listening to music between getting laundry done. I think I made a good choice for me today. I know my family understands and honestly, it's just something I needed to do. I don't know if I will ever be able to celebrate Memorial Day the way I use to before again, but I think that will be ok too. Those that can't or won't understand will just have to get past it and I will always do my best to never hurt anyone's feelings over it, but this is just something I think I need to do at least for now. Maybe it will change one day and maybe not, but for now, this seemed to have worked for me. One of Chad's buddies was planning to be here this weekend with us (USMC buddy), but things didn't work out for him to be here and I truly believe it was God's plan to give us both some time to reflect and go through this holiday and birthday in our own way. So for this man (I will keep his name private for him) it was very important for him to be here and I know that, but it actually turned out to be a good thing (hopefully for us both) and not only do I completely understand why he wasn't able to come, but I also know that you actually were here with me all weekend.
So for this milestone (and I know many more to come), we did it. I have to say, because I couldn't have done it alone so for all of you that sent cards, called, text, FB, or just plain came over I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I felt the love from all of you whether you were physically here or not. Thank you.
Instead, I took Friday off for vacation (which will most likely become an annual thing for me) and spent some time at the cemetery and took roses. This year rather than taking just Tennessee orange roses I decided I would find something that served two purposes for me. I found (lucky me) yellow roses (for the yellow roses of Texas) with Tennessee orange inside (I'm not a huge believer in "signs", but that felt like one to me). I wanted something to not only signify Chad and our love for Tennessee, but I also wanted something to honor my husband who has literally been the most amazing husband throughout this entire process (and one that I'm certain will be a lifetime process) for me (I never told him I purposely did that, but he noticed the yellow roses immediately). He just accepts me for however I am at the moment. Trust me, I've been a lot of different things since December 1, 2010 and he has never once made me feel like I'm not entitled to feel like I feel at that moment. I would hope and pray that all husbands treat their wives this way, but unfortunately, I know this isn't the way it truly is for everyone and for that I'm sorry, but also grateful that God put Tebo and I together when he did for this very reason.
I took some patriotic cupcakes to the staff at the Fayetteville National Cemetery for all the hard work they do (and trust me, it's a lot of hard work every day) and since it was Chad's birthday I put a little something special in the bag along with the cupcakes. I also gave them "No Bake" cookies (Chad's favorite sweet thing). They were so appreciative especially Chris who works in the office. She is just a doll. There is another lady in the office who's name escapes me right now that has always been so sweet to me. So, I thought I would share something with you that means a lot to me and while it may not to anyone else, I hope it made the staff there feel some better. They have struggled since Chad was placed there with water running right through where Chad is and it caused his headstone to be shorter than the rest of them and difficult for them to get the grass to grow well. It was hard for me to spend time there on some days, but I would just sit in my car on those days and have quiet time that way so for me it wasn't a huge deal although the fleshy side of me at times did get frustrated. It wasn't until this week that it was finally all fixed up and the sod was growing amazingly and the water wasn't just staying in that spot all the time. That's when I realized what an actual blessing it was that all this happened as it did. See, here is why I believe all that happened (as silly as it might be)... Our family is known for being short (we are Crofts and we are all known for that) and Chad's headstone was the shortest. Had this not happened we would have never seen deer tracks only on his spot in the Fall. He loved to hunt. Then the final and probably to me one of the sweetest memories was with all the water around his resting spot made me remember one of the funniest first moments we had in our house in Bentonville after Tebo and I got married. We had a ton of water in our backyard from flooding and we weren't getting enough run off at the time to get rid of it so Tebo and Chad were out in the backyard with buckets trying to get the water out of the backyard before it could flood the deck and get into the house. He worked just as hard as Tebo with his big 'old rubber boots on and it was the cutest thing that I had to get a picture (of course). See, had his spot been perfect from the start I wouldn't have had those little reminders. I shared this with Chris and one of the workers and they just laughed and seemed glad rather than sorry like they were at first.
In addition to getting them the "No Bake" cookies, I picked up a box for Tebo. That might not seem like a big deal to most, but I don't usually have sweets in the house (well except for me) so that was a treat all in itself, but I wanted him to have Chad's favorites for the 25th and he did. :)
Once I left the cemetery I had the pleasure of a massage thanks to a dear girlfriend, Kristin Allen, and let me just say, apparently I needed that more than I thought. The massage therapist, Megan, was an absolute doll and while she had no clue what that day was like for me or that it was even Chad's birthday she never said a word (I hate it when they talk). She just gave me a great massage for an hour and could not have been a sweeter person. Once I left there I noticed I had a message from my dear girlfriend, Kristen Jeffery (aka KJ), that simply said, I put some comfort food in your fridge. I thought I knew what it might have been, but I didn't even check until after I had my shower. Once I checked the fridge I saw my comfort food and it was exactly that.... cookie dough. :) She knows me well. I got a little cookie dough and something to drink and sat on the deck with my country music playing in the background and just sat and enjoyed the quiet. Around 3:00 my sister, Stacy, came over and joined me on the deck. We had some nice sister time and waited for Tebo get back in town. He joined us on the deck for a few hours and then he took us to dinner, Red Lobster (aka Red Slobber) and we had a great dinner. Once we returned to the house Stacy went home and Tebo and I just had us time and went to sleep. All in all it was a good day and while it was emotional and I struggled a lot on the inside, those around me made me feel like I had arms of comfort all around me all day in the most amazing ways. It might have been a phone call, a voice mail, a text, a FB message, or just simply changing their FB profile picture to a picture of Chad. That kind of love and compassion is hard to come by and I was lucky enough to not only get that Friday for Chad's birthday, but today for Memorial Day as well.
It was truly what I would call a bittersweet day and outside of not having Chad here, I wouldn't change a thing.
As for today, I struggled with what to do. I wanted to spend the day with family, but I also wanted to go to the ceremony at the Fayetteville National Cemetery and also just wanted a quiet day to reflect and not necessarily celebrate. So, while it was hard not hanging out with my family, we chose to go to the cemetery this morning and have a late breakfast and then home. I actually came in and took a long nap and just hung out on the deck listening to music between getting laundry done. I think I made a good choice for me today. I know my family understands and honestly, it's just something I needed to do. I don't know if I will ever be able to celebrate Memorial Day the way I use to before again, but I think that will be ok too. Those that can't or won't understand will just have to get past it and I will always do my best to never hurt anyone's feelings over it, but this is just something I think I need to do at least for now. Maybe it will change one day and maybe not, but for now, this seemed to have worked for me. One of Chad's buddies was planning to be here this weekend with us (USMC buddy), but things didn't work out for him to be here and I truly believe it was God's plan to give us both some time to reflect and go through this holiday and birthday in our own way. So for this man (I will keep his name private for him) it was very important for him to be here and I know that, but it actually turned out to be a good thing (hopefully for us both) and not only do I completely understand why he wasn't able to come, but I also know that you actually were here with me all weekend.
So for this milestone (and I know many more to come), we did it. I have to say, because I couldn't have done it alone so for all of you that sent cards, called, text, FB, or just plain came over I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I felt the love from all of you whether you were physically here or not. Thank you.
Ashamed to admit...
I am ashamed to admit this, but I was one of those Americans that forgot what the real reason of Memorial Day really was all about. Before Chad enlisted into the Marine Corps, it really was a holiday weekend to have an extra day off, cook out, maybe go to the lake, and basically celebrate. However, now that we are on the other side of things and our Blue Star http://www.bluestarmothers.org/ has turned to Gold http://www.goldstarfamilyregistry.com/ my perspective has drastically changed (to say the least). It s my hope that more and more Americans become more aware of the true meaning of this holiday http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day and truly remember those service men and women that gave the ultimate sacrifice. Not just because my son is one of them, but because that is what this holiday is truly all about.
Tebo and I plan to attend the Memorial Day Service at the Fayetteville National Cemetery today where Chad is laid to rest and not just to honor him, but all fallen heroes. I read an article and watched a video of a man, Chris Hayes (you can search for him yourself as I don't respect him enough to want to even share the link) who says "he is uncomfortable calling our fallen heroes, heroes... Well, I hate to tell you Chris Hays, but my son (and I know the other sons and daughters who have given the ultimate sacrifice families would say) was my hero before he ever enlisted in the USMC and was even more of my hero during his enlistment and more so when he paid the ultimate price to allow you (Chris Hayes) the freedom to do whatever it is you do! I realize he (Chris Hayes) served and I guess I'm just shocked these words came out of his mouth. Don't get me wrong, I would like to believe that it was not his intent to offend anyone with his words, but for me (a Gold Star mom of one of those heroes), I AM OFFENDED and if I allowed myself I could truly be pissed, but I will choose the high road and honor MY HERO today along with all the other fallen HEROES today and honestly, I will throw a little smug look towards Mr. Chris Hayes as I do this!
For all the Blue Star Families who had their starts turn Gold before ours, I'm sorry for not having taken this holiday more to heart as which it is intended. For those that aren't as aware of military families truly go through and especially the brothers in arms that lost one of their own, please remember them all today and everyday. It's not only a hard job for these men and women serving, but it's a hard job for the families who support unconditionally their commitment and sacrifice that (yes they made willingly) give on a daily basis.
We still have lots of men and women in harms way and while we go on with our fun filled weekend and our daily lives, they are in extreme danger and have family and friends back home supporting them and helping them get through their hellish life in the midst of war. Let us not forget those serving, but certainly the ones that did not return home.
Tebo and I plan to attend the Memorial Day Service at the Fayetteville National Cemetery today where Chad is laid to rest and not just to honor him, but all fallen heroes. I read an article and watched a video of a man, Chris Hayes (you can search for him yourself as I don't respect him enough to want to even share the link) who says "he is uncomfortable calling our fallen heroes, heroes... Well, I hate to tell you Chris Hays, but my son (and I know the other sons and daughters who have given the ultimate sacrifice families would say) was my hero before he ever enlisted in the USMC and was even more of my hero during his enlistment and more so when he paid the ultimate price to allow you (Chris Hayes) the freedom to do whatever it is you do! I realize he (Chris Hayes) served and I guess I'm just shocked these words came out of his mouth. Don't get me wrong, I would like to believe that it was not his intent to offend anyone with his words, but for me (a Gold Star mom of one of those heroes), I AM OFFENDED and if I allowed myself I could truly be pissed, but I will choose the high road and honor MY HERO today along with all the other fallen HEROES today and honestly, I will throw a little smug look towards Mr. Chris Hayes as I do this!
For all the Blue Star Families who had their starts turn Gold before ours, I'm sorry for not having taken this holiday more to heart as which it is intended. For those that aren't as aware of military families truly go through and especially the brothers in arms that lost one of their own, please remember them all today and everyday. It's not only a hard job for these men and women serving, but it's a hard job for the families who support unconditionally their commitment and sacrifice that (yes they made willingly) give on a daily basis.
We still have lots of men and women in harms way and while we go on with our fun filled weekend and our daily lives, they are in extreme danger and have family and friends back home supporting them and helping them get through their hellish life in the midst of war. Let us not forget those serving, but certainly the ones that did not return home.
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| My son on his happiest day 9-18-09 |
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| His memorial service on what would have been his 23rd birthday (5-25-11) at Camp Pendleton, CA |
Friday, May 25, 2012
Twenty Four
Today marks what would have been my son's 24th birthday. It's hard to imagine to me that I could be the mom of a 24 year old and it's even harder to believe I'm not on this earth anyway. Chad was born May, 25, 1988 by scheduled c-section. I was terrified to say the very least and then completely shocked the Lord had given me a son as I was certain I would have a little girl. I wasn't sure how to raise a little boy, but apparently God knew he would be the perfect child for me. He was easy (at least for me) to raise. As a small boy he was one busy little fellow and rarely slept. I know that will seem like an exaggeration, but trust me, if you were around us at that time you would know very well how true that statement really is. I thought I would just reminisce a little about some of my favorite memories to give you a glimpse into the life of being Chad's momma bear...
Memory #1 - This has to start the memories and hopefully a little hope for other moms going through the same thing with their baby. Chad did what is called projectile vomiting (okay, not some one's favorite topic, but it became pretty comical). I finally got really good at figuring out when it was coming and had it timed just right to make it to his bathroom sink. This really helped manage the clean up. The most fun moment, however, came when I was taking him to my favorite he cousin's house in MS. It was in Memphis, TN in the dead heat of summer and all of a sudden I hear him moan a bit and told my cosign sitting in the other front seat to lean towards the door. She made the mistake of asking why before moving and she found herself a victim of this lovely stage... You got it! Smacked the windshield (and her left side) and the best part... we were still at least an hour away from our destination with NO WHERE to stop and do a quick clean up! Windows down and lots of big breaths out the windy later we made it! Whew!
Memory #2 - Chad was a sleep walker almost from the moment he learned to walk. Our neighbor at the time calls us around 2:00 am or so and said, did you know Chad was over here? I said NO! I thought he was in his bed asleep. He was sitting in her little girl's room playing with her toys. Good grief! :) We then moved the lock on the front door to the top of the door and moved a chair that was sitting by the door so we didn't repeat that little field trip.
Memory #3 - I was at work and getting close to leaving for the day. Chad was home with his father and I get a phone call that he had lost Chad. WHAT! How do you just lose him at the house. Well, after several comments (or screaming) moments later I get home frantic. He calmly says, would you like to see where your son was? Well, duh! He opens the dryer door and yep, there he was. He was told over and over to stay out of the dryer and when he would not I decided (right or wrong) to teach him a lesson so the next time he crawled inside, I kept the door opened, pushed the little button for the door, and turned the dryer on for half a turn. He was all arms and legs and screamed... M O M M A! I said, now, stay out of the dryer. That was the last time (to my knowledge) that he ever crawled into a dryer again.
Memory #4 - He went through a stage of telling us that something was on fire. It ranged from his room, to toys, etc. One evening we are trying to get ready to go somewhere and he had been watching CMT (Country Music TV for those who may not know) and he says, the microwave is on fire. I fussed at him and he just would not stop. Over and over he would keep saying it. Well, I could not come out of the room yet so I sent his father in there and told him to tell Chad to stop saying that. Well, suddenly I hear all this commotion and turns out, the microwave WAS on fire this time! He had placed his microphone inside the microwave (which yes, oddly enough was under the counter top at his eye level) and he turned it on. Needless to say, the microwave was toast (literally) and the fire department had to be called to check things out. Thankful everyone was ok and no major damage, well, except for the microphone and microwave. FYI, the microphone had to be replaced first.
Memory #5 - Allen Jackson's song "Wanted". He would sing his little heart out in the backseat of the car singing that song and you would just have to hear him sing it to understand the sweetness of it. He had to wear his white cowboy hat when he sang anything Allen Jackson and his black one when he sang anything Garth Brooks. Ahhhhh... those were such sweet little moments.
Memory #6 - Skipping ahead a little. He was fishing with BoBo and uncle Johnny at Little Blue in OK. They were wading around casting and suddenly something touched his ankle and he thought it was a snake so he threw all his stuff in Blue and just ran (and yes completely out of his shoes) and would not stop. BoBo and uncle Johnny yelled to get him to stop and started gathering his things as they were floating away and when they finally got to him they explained it was a little fish. LOL! We didn't let him live that one down for a long time.
Memory #7 - Fishing on "Just Piddling" with Chad and Stacy! Ugh! That's the best description for this lovely adventure. They were more like brother and sister for the most part, but you add fishing into the mix and it makes it very hard for this momma or anyone else for that matter to get any sun bathing in. If one got a bite or heaven forbid actually catch one and suddenly that was the only spot in the entire lake around the boat that had fish so the fighting would begin... Jeez! :)
Memory #8 - There are so many to mention that I won't keep you reading (if I haven't lost you by now) and this is probably my most favorite memory ever we have to skip ahead to his wedding reception. His wedding to say the very least was very emotional for me. I had never had to share him with another woman and suddenly I find myself doing just that for the first time and I was filled with various feelings. I was excited, scared, sad, happy, and unsure. I had come up with all these sweet little mother/son songs for our mother/son dance for the reception and sent them to Chad & Katie. I didn't know which one he had actually decided on so it was a surprise at our dance time. It was a song by Lee Ann Womack "I hope you dance". This is the song that I always told him that I wanted played at my funeral for him and all my nieces and nephews, because that was my hope for them. I was so touched that he chose a song that meant so much to me to be our song. That's not the most important part of this memory. The most important part for me was while we were dancing we talked the entire time and of course, I cried. He looked down at me and said, momma, you aren't losing me. Nothing will change, your still my momma bear and you will always have me. That baby knew I needed to hear that and I could not have been more proud at that very moment. That small statement from him allowed me to allow him to start this new chapter in his life with the assurance that he will still be right there and I wasn't actually being replaced, just receiving another "bonus" child.
I've said it before, if I'm breathing, I am missing my son. I don't know how to move on and carry on with this "new normal" life I'm finding myself in and just as I couldn't imagine myself as a mom the day it was confirmed that I was pregnant, I can't imagine myself not being Chad's mommy.
Memory #1 - This has to start the memories and hopefully a little hope for other moms going through the same thing with their baby. Chad did what is called projectile vomiting (okay, not some one's favorite topic, but it became pretty comical). I finally got really good at figuring out when it was coming and had it timed just right to make it to his bathroom sink. This really helped manage the clean up. The most fun moment, however, came when I was taking him to my favorite he cousin's house in MS. It was in Memphis, TN in the dead heat of summer and all of a sudden I hear him moan a bit and told my cosign sitting in the other front seat to lean towards the door. She made the mistake of asking why before moving and she found herself a victim of this lovely stage... You got it! Smacked the windshield (and her left side) and the best part... we were still at least an hour away from our destination with NO WHERE to stop and do a quick clean up! Windows down and lots of big breaths out the windy later we made it! Whew!
Memory #2 - Chad was a sleep walker almost from the moment he learned to walk. Our neighbor at the time calls us around 2:00 am or so and said, did you know Chad was over here? I said NO! I thought he was in his bed asleep. He was sitting in her little girl's room playing with her toys. Good grief! :) We then moved the lock on the front door to the top of the door and moved a chair that was sitting by the door so we didn't repeat that little field trip.
Memory #3 - I was at work and getting close to leaving for the day. Chad was home with his father and I get a phone call that he had lost Chad. WHAT! How do you just lose him at the house. Well, after several comments (or screaming) moments later I get home frantic. He calmly says, would you like to see where your son was? Well, duh! He opens the dryer door and yep, there he was. He was told over and over to stay out of the dryer and when he would not I decided (right or wrong) to teach him a lesson so the next time he crawled inside, I kept the door opened, pushed the little button for the door, and turned the dryer on for half a turn. He was all arms and legs and screamed... M O M M A! I said, now, stay out of the dryer. That was the last time (to my knowledge) that he ever crawled into a dryer again.
Memory #4 - He went through a stage of telling us that something was on fire. It ranged from his room, to toys, etc. One evening we are trying to get ready to go somewhere and he had been watching CMT (Country Music TV for those who may not know) and he says, the microwave is on fire. I fussed at him and he just would not stop. Over and over he would keep saying it. Well, I could not come out of the room yet so I sent his father in there and told him to tell Chad to stop saying that. Well, suddenly I hear all this commotion and turns out, the microwave WAS on fire this time! He had placed his microphone inside the microwave (which yes, oddly enough was under the counter top at his eye level) and he turned it on. Needless to say, the microwave was toast (literally) and the fire department had to be called to check things out. Thankful everyone was ok and no major damage, well, except for the microphone and microwave. FYI, the microphone had to be replaced first.
Memory #5 - Allen Jackson's song "Wanted". He would sing his little heart out in the backseat of the car singing that song and you would just have to hear him sing it to understand the sweetness of it. He had to wear his white cowboy hat when he sang anything Allen Jackson and his black one when he sang anything Garth Brooks. Ahhhhh... those were such sweet little moments.
Memory #6 - Skipping ahead a little. He was fishing with BoBo and uncle Johnny at Little Blue in OK. They were wading around casting and suddenly something touched his ankle and he thought it was a snake so he threw all his stuff in Blue and just ran (and yes completely out of his shoes) and would not stop. BoBo and uncle Johnny yelled to get him to stop and started gathering his things as they were floating away and when they finally got to him they explained it was a little fish. LOL! We didn't let him live that one down for a long time.
Memory #7 - Fishing on "Just Piddling" with Chad and Stacy! Ugh! That's the best description for this lovely adventure. They were more like brother and sister for the most part, but you add fishing into the mix and it makes it very hard for this momma or anyone else for that matter to get any sun bathing in. If one got a bite or heaven forbid actually catch one and suddenly that was the only spot in the entire lake around the boat that had fish so the fighting would begin... Jeez! :)
Memory #8 - There are so many to mention that I won't keep you reading (if I haven't lost you by now) and this is probably my most favorite memory ever we have to skip ahead to his wedding reception. His wedding to say the very least was very emotional for me. I had never had to share him with another woman and suddenly I find myself doing just that for the first time and I was filled with various feelings. I was excited, scared, sad, happy, and unsure. I had come up with all these sweet little mother/son songs for our mother/son dance for the reception and sent them to Chad & Katie. I didn't know which one he had actually decided on so it was a surprise at our dance time. It was a song by Lee Ann Womack "I hope you dance". This is the song that I always told him that I wanted played at my funeral for him and all my nieces and nephews, because that was my hope for them. I was so touched that he chose a song that meant so much to me to be our song. That's not the most important part of this memory. The most important part for me was while we were dancing we talked the entire time and of course, I cried. He looked down at me and said, momma, you aren't losing me. Nothing will change, your still my momma bear and you will always have me. That baby knew I needed to hear that and I could not have been more proud at that very moment. That small statement from him allowed me to allow him to start this new chapter in his life with the assurance that he will still be right there and I wasn't actually being replaced, just receiving another "bonus" child.
I've said it before, if I'm breathing, I am missing my son. I don't know how to move on and carry on with this "new normal" life I'm finding myself in and just as I couldn't imagine myself as a mom the day it was confirmed that I was pregnant, I can't imagine myself not being Chad's mommy.
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| His first Easter... slept through it with BoBo :) |
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| My visit to CA for my birthday in Dec. 2009 |
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| That baby loved his Polo shirts |
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| Engagement pictures.... |
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| Our family that could make it to the wedding... Had to choose this one, we are all doing something different. :) |
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| My baby boy is married |
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| Oh the "NUTS" |
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| Zachy came for the wedding. What a great friend |
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| This would be the replaced microphone... Ha! |
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| Just about a week old. Awe |
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| Rounding the base and always had 1 pant leg up... |
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| Me and my boy |
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| He could pull off serious like no one else!
Thank you for sharing our memories with us...
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Thursday, May 17, 2012
If I'm breathing...
I'm missing and longing for my baby boy. His what would be his 24th birthday is fast approaching and it falls the same weekend as Memorial Day weekend so it's a little bit of a double whammy it seems. Mother's Day was hard enough and I won't lie, I did struggle with some sadness off and on, but I did spend the day like I thought would be the right thing to do and went to my parent's house after lunch and rather than spend the night at Stacy's for chemo day the next day, I suggested she and I stay at the parent's house since it was Mother's Day and she agreed. I think it may have helped some just being there even though having my hubby there too would have been nice, but I felt like that's where we needed to be. I still think it was the right thing to do and I wouldn't change that decision if I could.
I heard from nearly all Chad's buddies from the Marine Corps that day either by text, phone call, or FB message. That did my heart some good and I just pray that all Gold Star moms have the pleasure of feeling that kind of love and compassion.
I am certainly different now and forever changed. I don't necessarily feel like it's a good change at all. My heart feels a bit harder than it use to and I do feel like I tend to be a bit more "to myself" so to speak and maybe over time that will change. If not, hello new me I guess. I know those closest to me see it and feel it and for that I'm sorry. I don't ever want my close family and friends to feel like I am distancing myself from them. It's certainly not about that at all. It's probably more about getting my head around how I feel and how I move forward from here and that may be a work in progress for many years to come. I know in this process there will be changes (how could it not be), but I am trying really hard to maintain as much of my old self as I possibly can under the circumstances. So if ever you find yourself on the receiving end of me being a bit stand offish or quiet or even recluse like, don't take it personally and just know that I am working through stuff in my head to hopefully be a better person the next day.
For 22 1/2 years my world revolved around Chad and I've had only 1 1/2 years to figure out how to go on without him and I can honestly tell you that I still haven't got a clue. I don't know if I ever will figure it out, but I do believe I will make baby steps through the process and get better each day.
I know I will never give up trying, but I will also never give up loving him and holding his memory and our memories close to my chest for safe keeping. That being said, always know if you want to talk or hear about Chad, I will always be ready to listen and talk about him. He was a part of me for 1/2 my life and the biggest part at that so trust me, if you are thinking about him, I'm certainly thinking about him and more. I like to talk about him. It doesn't make me sad talking about him, I get sad because I miss him and he was way too young to die, but avoiding talking about him will not make it hurt more, in fact, it helps. So don't be afraid, it's really okay.
I heard from nearly all Chad's buddies from the Marine Corps that day either by text, phone call, or FB message. That did my heart some good and I just pray that all Gold Star moms have the pleasure of feeling that kind of love and compassion.
I am certainly different now and forever changed. I don't necessarily feel like it's a good change at all. My heart feels a bit harder than it use to and I do feel like I tend to be a bit more "to myself" so to speak and maybe over time that will change. If not, hello new me I guess. I know those closest to me see it and feel it and for that I'm sorry. I don't ever want my close family and friends to feel like I am distancing myself from them. It's certainly not about that at all. It's probably more about getting my head around how I feel and how I move forward from here and that may be a work in progress for many years to come. I know in this process there will be changes (how could it not be), but I am trying really hard to maintain as much of my old self as I possibly can under the circumstances. So if ever you find yourself on the receiving end of me being a bit stand offish or quiet or even recluse like, don't take it personally and just know that I am working through stuff in my head to hopefully be a better person the next day.
For 22 1/2 years my world revolved around Chad and I've had only 1 1/2 years to figure out how to go on without him and I can honestly tell you that I still haven't got a clue. I don't know if I ever will figure it out, but I do believe I will make baby steps through the process and get better each day.
I know I will never give up trying, but I will also never give up loving him and holding his memory and our memories close to my chest for safe keeping. That being said, always know if you want to talk or hear about Chad, I will always be ready to listen and talk about him. He was a part of me for 1/2 my life and the biggest part at that so trust me, if you are thinking about him, I'm certainly thinking about him and more. I like to talk about him. It doesn't make me sad talking about him, I get sad because I miss him and he was way too young to die, but avoiding talking about him will not make it hurt more, in fact, it helps. So don't be afraid, it's really okay.
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| Look at that sweet little smile sitting on mommy's lap |
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| How could you not love that smile |
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| I'm sure he was blowing that kiss to me (not really, it was to his bride), but a mom can dream. :) |
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| Got to love the liquid courage that gave him rhythm |
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| Always my heart, always my hero, now my angel... Love, momma bear |
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
1 Year anniversary
WOW! It's hard to believe that this week marks a year ago that the guys from Chad's Battalion returned from Afghanistan. As the Radio Operator, Chad did his job! He may have only made it through about 5 weeks of deployment, but he did his job and did it well. I couldn't be more proud of him and couldn't be happier that his brothers in arms made it back safely. They did have some wounded warriors and that makes my heart sad, but they are pushing through like true Marines and making the best of their lives and grateful to have this opportunity as well I'm certain.
I know that all the young men that served with Chad left a piece of themselves in Afghanistan and I know they may in some way even struggle with some survivor's guilt. I hope if any of them ever read my blog that they know they should not ever have survivor's guilt. Chad was doing what he wanted to be doing and he made that choice very clear and he loved each and every one of those guys and would have it no other way.
As his mom, I would have given my own life for Chad (as I am sure any parent would do), but that was not in God's plan. There isn't a moment that I take a breath that I don't miss my son, but I do find some peace in knowing he is in God's arms and that he is finally safe.
I also know that I have been blessed with about 100 Marines that will forever be "bonus sons" to me and Tebo. They go out of their way to check in with us on a regular basis and there aren't many people who can say that about their child's friends/brothers. I hear from at least one of them every other week and some times more often and I heard from every one of them on Mother's Day. It's amazing what just a text, phone call, or Face Book message does for a mom when her own son can't reach out. I guess in a way he did, just through them.
I'm not angry that the other guys came home. In fact, completely the opposite. I'm so thankful and happy that they made it home and most of them have re-joined the civilian life and I believe they have all secured jobs or are attending college now. I couldn't be more proud of them all. They are moving forward and living life and that is exactly what I know for a fact that Chad wanted for them.
I do wonder what Chad would be doing right now. He might be in law enforcement somewhere (something he always wanted to do) or starting a family (he would have been an amazing father) or just living the dream somewhere, but instead he will forever be 22 1/2 years old and living in heaven with the angels and never hurting or being afraid again.
So for all my "bonus sons" congratulations for coming home and for your 1 year anniversary back on US Soil and for those that are still serving, you stay safe and know that you always have a cheerleader in me... To all of you, THANK YOU! Thank you for your service, your sacrifices, loving me & Tebo, and most importantly, for loving my son the way you do. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.
Chad, you have always been my heart, always my hero, now you are my angel!
I know that all the young men that served with Chad left a piece of themselves in Afghanistan and I know they may in some way even struggle with some survivor's guilt. I hope if any of them ever read my blog that they know they should not ever have survivor's guilt. Chad was doing what he wanted to be doing and he made that choice very clear and he loved each and every one of those guys and would have it no other way.
As his mom, I would have given my own life for Chad (as I am sure any parent would do), but that was not in God's plan. There isn't a moment that I take a breath that I don't miss my son, but I do find some peace in knowing he is in God's arms and that he is finally safe.
I also know that I have been blessed with about 100 Marines that will forever be "bonus sons" to me and Tebo. They go out of their way to check in with us on a regular basis and there aren't many people who can say that about their child's friends/brothers. I hear from at least one of them every other week and some times more often and I heard from every one of them on Mother's Day. It's amazing what just a text, phone call, or Face Book message does for a mom when her own son can't reach out. I guess in a way he did, just through them.
I'm not angry that the other guys came home. In fact, completely the opposite. I'm so thankful and happy that they made it home and most of them have re-joined the civilian life and I believe they have all secured jobs or are attending college now. I couldn't be more proud of them all. They are moving forward and living life and that is exactly what I know for a fact that Chad wanted for them.
I do wonder what Chad would be doing right now. He might be in law enforcement somewhere (something he always wanted to do) or starting a family (he would have been an amazing father) or just living the dream somewhere, but instead he will forever be 22 1/2 years old and living in heaven with the angels and never hurting or being afraid again.
So for all my "bonus sons" congratulations for coming home and for your 1 year anniversary back on US Soil and for those that are still serving, you stay safe and know that you always have a cheerleader in me... To all of you, THANK YOU! Thank you for your service, your sacrifices, loving me & Tebo, and most importantly, for loving my son the way you do. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.
Chad, you have always been my heart, always my hero, now you are my angel!
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| At Camp Pendleton before loading the bus for their flight to Afghanistan 2010 |
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| In Afghanistan |
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| Chad on the radio in Afghanistan |
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| Chad's memorial 5-25-2011... Seth, Zach S, Zach W, Shawn |
Friday, May 11, 2012
Speechless!
Those of you that know me, it's rare that I am rendered speechless (for a minute). WELL, last night, my husband managed to do just that. It was actually Tia's 22nd birthday (happy birthday again Tia) and we had gone to dinner with Tia, Candi, & Nathan to celebrate. We had to go to Fish City Grill because that is Tia's favorite place here and she got to choose (I love it too so win-win). After a great dinner and just fun visiting with the kids we headed home. I knew I had a little surprise waiting for me from Nora, Donut, and Ashton, but didn't know what it was. It was the sweetest journal with pictures of Nora on the front and it was titled Happy "Ammy" Day Love, Nora. Perfect! It made me tear up (in a good way) and to top it off they put it in a bag with TN orange tissue paper (perfect again!). I just loved it.
Well, my husband cannot wait when he has a surprise (he actually waited longer than I thought he would) so he decided to give me my Mother's Day gift (which we now like to call "Tebo's Wife Gifts"). Well, he picked the perfect hiding spot which was the top shelf in the pantry. LOL! The only real reason I go into the pantry anyway is to get the broom and dust pan and I don't have to look up for that or the peanut butter which is eye level (for me) so again, no reason to look up. I can't remember how long it had been there, but I never saw this huge box. Anyway, He pulled the box down and I know I may have stopped breathing for a few seconds. I was SPEECHLESS for real! It was a Colts football helmet signed by the man himself, Peyton Manning! Oh, it doesn't stop there, included was a picture of Peyton signing the helmet (now of course I know those were probably in mass production and no way to know if that was really my helmet he was signing in the photo, but I'm believing it was and that's all that matters). I know they only made so many of these and my amazing husband managed to get one for me. Of course I cried like a baby and when I called daddy to tell him about it I almost made him cry and it made me cry even more. You wouldn't think something like that would be so emotional for me, but you would have to understand mine and Chad's obsession of Peyton Manning (starting when he was a TN Vol!). Not only do we love Peyton, but I swear Chad has similar features of Peyton. I've thought many times he favored Peyton and we would even joke about it at times. Chad was even going to name his son Peyton one day. So see, there is a huge connection for me on an emotional level when it comes to Peyton Manning so this gift was over the moon for me! Some folks at work were like, you got your wife what for Mother's Day? He would simply tell them, you just don't know my wife, she will love this! He was so right. So as a bonus, if you look at the top of the helmet just right in the light you can see (wait for it) Peyton's finger prints on the helmet! Oh YES! Now, knowing how I like to clean things we must get this in a case to preserve these finger prints before I clean them off so that will be on the "To Do" list this weekend.
Every time a holiday of sorts that comes around that involves the potential for a gift, he out does himself each time. I don't know how he does it and it makes me feel very inadequate when I get him a gift, because I'm just not that good. I'm not sure how I got so lucky with him, but I so did.
So if all that wasn't enough, I get to work this morning and one of the sweetest co-workers I have was out sick, but wanted to give me something so she came back to the office and I ran down to meet her and she gave me the sweetest gift ever. It's a Willow Tree hand carved statue and the card says "Hero, we honor thee, keeping safe your memory" and it's a woman holding a folded flag! I've never seen this before and it meant so much that words just couldn't express.
Check out the special gifts that I'm still not sure why I was so deserving, but I am very appreciative.
Well, my husband cannot wait when he has a surprise (he actually waited longer than I thought he would) so he decided to give me my Mother's Day gift (which we now like to call "Tebo's Wife Gifts"). Well, he picked the perfect hiding spot which was the top shelf in the pantry. LOL! The only real reason I go into the pantry anyway is to get the broom and dust pan and I don't have to look up for that or the peanut butter which is eye level (for me) so again, no reason to look up. I can't remember how long it had been there, but I never saw this huge box. Anyway, He pulled the box down and I know I may have stopped breathing for a few seconds. I was SPEECHLESS for real! It was a Colts football helmet signed by the man himself, Peyton Manning! Oh, it doesn't stop there, included was a picture of Peyton signing the helmet (now of course I know those were probably in mass production and no way to know if that was really my helmet he was signing in the photo, but I'm believing it was and that's all that matters). I know they only made so many of these and my amazing husband managed to get one for me. Of course I cried like a baby and when I called daddy to tell him about it I almost made him cry and it made me cry even more. You wouldn't think something like that would be so emotional for me, but you would have to understand mine and Chad's obsession of Peyton Manning (starting when he was a TN Vol!). Not only do we love Peyton, but I swear Chad has similar features of Peyton. I've thought many times he favored Peyton and we would even joke about it at times. Chad was even going to name his son Peyton one day. So see, there is a huge connection for me on an emotional level when it comes to Peyton Manning so this gift was over the moon for me! Some folks at work were like, you got your wife what for Mother's Day? He would simply tell them, you just don't know my wife, she will love this! He was so right. So as a bonus, if you look at the top of the helmet just right in the light you can see (wait for it) Peyton's finger prints on the helmet! Oh YES! Now, knowing how I like to clean things we must get this in a case to preserve these finger prints before I clean them off so that will be on the "To Do" list this weekend.
Every time a holiday of sorts that comes around that involves the potential for a gift, he out does himself each time. I don't know how he does it and it makes me feel very inadequate when I get him a gift, because I'm just not that good. I'm not sure how I got so lucky with him, but I so did.
So if all that wasn't enough, I get to work this morning and one of the sweetest co-workers I have was out sick, but wanted to give me something so she came back to the office and I ran down to meet her and she gave me the sweetest gift ever. It's a Willow Tree hand carved statue and the card says "Hero, we honor thee, keeping safe your memory" and it's a woman holding a folded flag! I've never seen this before and it meant so much that words just couldn't express.
Check out the special gifts that I'm still not sure why I was so deserving, but I am very appreciative.
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| Here was the outside of the bag and envelope from the littlest "nut" |
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| How perfect that they used "Ammy"... PERFECT! |
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| How sweet for Cheyanne to do this for me. Totally unexpected "Hero" |
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| AND the Mac Daddy of them all! THE MAN! |
Friday, May 4, 2012
A little ray of sunshine!
This will be vague (I apologize), but I've been really praying that I would get the chance to chat with someone that I really needed to know how they were and finally after many months we finally got to chat last night via texting. It was a really nice ray of sunshine in my day. I had been really blue this week (no particular reason, just part of it) and I knew a little chat like this would help and it did (love it when I'm right, it happens so little)... :)
Anyway, I won't divulge who it was for personal reasons, but it does feel good to know that while I'm not in church every time the doors open like I use to be that he still hears my prayers.
Thank you for a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day Lord. I needed that very much. I don't know if this person reads my blogs or not (I'm guessing not), but just in case they do, thank you very much and much love to you.
Anyway, I won't divulge who it was for personal reasons, but it does feel good to know that while I'm not in church every time the doors open like I use to be that he still hears my prayers.
Thank you for a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day Lord. I needed that very much. I don't know if this person reads my blogs or not (I'm guessing not), but just in case they do, thank you very much and much love to you.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Cleaning series #5... BASEBOARDS!
This is by far my favorite thing to do. I think I like it because I can just get lost in my baseboards (and Pine Sol of course) and just not think about anything (well, other than my routine and not deviating from it). When I say doing baseboards is therapeutic, I'm not joking. For me it really is. Now, I schedule to do my baseboards every three (3) months, but if I'm upset/mad about something, I will do it then as well and that's when my family knows to leave me alone and don't speak and just let me clean. So, here's what I do. Again, I welcome any suggestions (other than NOT using my Pine Sol) that might do better than what I'm doing today, but this is just how I've always done it.
I start by doing something my grandmother taught me a long time ago. Of course she used the broom with a hand towel on it and I have this nifty little thing that is on a long pole to get the dust and I just spray furniture polish on it before using it. Anyway, I go around every room in the house and I dust all the crown molding in the house and go around all the corners in the house as well as all the ceiling fans. Once I've done that I get my bowl of "Momma Stell" Pine Sol water and my specified rag and I always (for whatever reason) start in the front door hallway and make my way around through the hall, office, living room, and then move to the bedrooms (starting in the front spare room first). I include all rooms (laundry room, bathrooms, kitchen, etc.) as well as all window sills. I rinse my rag often and make sure I get all the water out of my rag before wiping on the baseboards. Warning: Continued use of "Momma Stell" water and Pine Sol on your painted baseboards will result in re-painting at some point, also your window sills. Usually in the process of cleaning baseboards I find little spots on the tile that require a little extra attention so I will make a note of those spots and once I'm done with the baseboards I take my Magic Eraser (love it) and work on those spots. Come on girls, you can't just leave those spots...
It truly does not take that much time to get all your baseboards and window sills done. If I had to guess it probably takes me about an hour to an hour and a half to do all ours and we have about a 2,100 sq ft house. It is so worth it once it is done and I challenge each of you to do it at least one time if you never have, because you will be shocked (I mean really shocked) at how dirty your water will be. I had actually just wiped down most of our baseboards when we put hardwood floors in a few weeks ago and I was so shocked at how dingy the water was that I proudly showed it off to Tia. I said can you imagine if I never cleaned my baseboards what the water would look like. Needless to say, I think I made a believer out of her. :)
If you are in need of therapy, try the baseboard therapy. It's cheaper and I promise you will feel better once you are done. Happy cleaning...
P.S. I suggest you use rubber gloves when doing this, because after many years of shedding all the skin off my hands from doing this I'm finally taking my own advice.
I start by doing something my grandmother taught me a long time ago. Of course she used the broom with a hand towel on it and I have this nifty little thing that is on a long pole to get the dust and I just spray furniture polish on it before using it. Anyway, I go around every room in the house and I dust all the crown molding in the house and go around all the corners in the house as well as all the ceiling fans. Once I've done that I get my bowl of "Momma Stell" Pine Sol water and my specified rag and I always (for whatever reason) start in the front door hallway and make my way around through the hall, office, living room, and then move to the bedrooms (starting in the front spare room first). I include all rooms (laundry room, bathrooms, kitchen, etc.) as well as all window sills. I rinse my rag often and make sure I get all the water out of my rag before wiping on the baseboards. Warning: Continued use of "Momma Stell" water and Pine Sol on your painted baseboards will result in re-painting at some point, also your window sills. Usually in the process of cleaning baseboards I find little spots on the tile that require a little extra attention so I will make a note of those spots and once I'm done with the baseboards I take my Magic Eraser (love it) and work on those spots. Come on girls, you can't just leave those spots...
It truly does not take that much time to get all your baseboards and window sills done. If I had to guess it probably takes me about an hour to an hour and a half to do all ours and we have about a 2,100 sq ft house. It is so worth it once it is done and I challenge each of you to do it at least one time if you never have, because you will be shocked (I mean really shocked) at how dirty your water will be. I had actually just wiped down most of our baseboards when we put hardwood floors in a few weeks ago and I was so shocked at how dingy the water was that I proudly showed it off to Tia. I said can you imagine if I never cleaned my baseboards what the water would look like. Needless to say, I think I made a believer out of her. :)
If you are in need of therapy, try the baseboard therapy. It's cheaper and I promise you will feel better once you are done. Happy cleaning...
P.S. I suggest you use rubber gloves when doing this, because after many years of shedding all the skin off my hands from doing this I'm finally taking my own advice.
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