Thankful Heart

Since it is the season of Thanksgiving I thought I would express my thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for and I try very hard to never take any of it for granted. I will attempt to list the things I'm thankful for and give a brief commentary, but it could get long (just saying). First and foremost I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. I was unfortunate enough to experience some not so great marriages (2 as a matter of fact, sadly), but I honestly believe I had to go through those in order to find Tebo when I did and to be in the place I was in when we did finally meet and eventually get married. He has been such a blessing to me and not only did I have the honor of marrying my best friend and soul mate, but he blessed me a second time with three bonus children that I am so grateful to have in my life. They enrich my life in so many ways that it is so difficult to even put into words. Candi has blessed us with an amazing husband and we couldn't have asked for a better man for her. I'm also so grateful for my precious son. He has truly brought me so much joy than anything else in the world starting in May 25, 1988 to present and that joy has never been forgotten. That is joy my friends! I have so much pride for him and all he is doing as a Marine. I long for the day that he and I could have a date night again even if it's just once a year. I miss those. He has also blessed me with a precious bonus daughter. I can't think of a better partner for him. She has done an amazing job of supporting him while on deployment and I know that's not easy. I am so thankful for two sets of healthy parents. We have had our scares and they've had less than healthy moments, but that's what we get as we all mature, but for the most part they are healthy and happy and living life to the fullest. I am so blessed to have the best "bonus" family. Tebo's family has welcomed me into their family and it is as if I've always been there. We don't like "in-laws" so we use "bonus" and that's exactly what it feels like. They are precious and his mom is so much like my grandmother that I truly believe that had a lot to do with the Lord allowing me to meet Tebo. He gave me another Celeno (if that were ever possible) and I couldn't be more thankful for that. We are both blessed with great jobs and a great work environment and not everyone can say that these days. I appreciate the jobs we have and the home we live in, but more than that I am so thankful to have a loving family on all sides with siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends that feel like family. That alone makes us wealthy beyond words and that's all anyone can truly ever ask for. My prayer for our kids is perfectly said in a song by LeAnn Womack "I hope you Dance". I've told Chad and Tebo many times that I want that played at my funeral for all my kids (nieces and nephews included), because that's what I want for all of them. If you don't know the song you need to listen to it. As I welcome Thanksgiving (not my favorite holiday) I will be more conscious to make sure I let those in my life that I am thankful to have them and hug our kids a little more (those I can put my arms around) and hopefully get to talk to Chad and will hug Katie through the phone. Until you've had to spend holidays not seeing your kids or even hearing their voices it isn't as easy to understand that longing, but I know if I have confirmation he is safe and ok that will work for me until we welcome him home. I hope Katie feels my hugs in California as much and can't wait to hug all our kids that will be here Thursday. We always feel a little less complete when any of our kids are missing for one reason but they are always in my heart.

Dedicated to Katie & all military wives

So I know I usually write all about Chad and how brave he is and how hard he is working overseas, but I never want to forget to remind people how brave these wives have to be. Everyone knows how hard being married can be and at times very stressful, but try adding the military (especially the Marine Corps) to that daily life and you can't imagine what these brave women have to go through. What most might not realize is while these men are away fighting these women are home taking care of bills, children (if they have them already), animals they may have, the house, their jobs, keeping mom in touch, and most importantly, continuing to be their husbands' biggest cheerleader and making sure they have everything they need or want while they are deployed. That might sound easy and it might even sound easy if they are stay at home wives/moms, but I can tell you having a daughter who is experiencing this right now, I know it isn't easy. Not only are these ladies doing all the above, but they often do it with a lonely and fearful heart. I can tell you how it feels to be a mom with a son over there, but I can't truly tell you what it must feel like as a wife with her husband over there. I know how I feel when my husband travels for work or has to be gone or I'm gone for more than a day so imagine 7 to 9 months of that. On top of that, you never know when you will hear his voice and you just pray you are never anywhere that you can't hear or answer his call. When that happens (and it does) it's the worse sick feeling you can have. At least when Tebo is traveling or we aren't together for whatever reason I know I can just pick up the phone at any time and hear his voice. I'm not constantly in fear when he is gone like these women are. Katie was a young bride and she had to grow up very fast and if I must say so myself, she has done an amazing job. Not only has she done a great job of taking care of the financial end while Chad is away and making sure he has the perfect care package, but she has gone above and beyond to make sure she calls me every time he calls her. I told him from the start, if you only get to call once to always call her and she can call me. She should always be the first person he calls no matter what and I couldn't ask for a better bonus daughter, because she has made sure that every single time he has called she calls me first. Thank you Katie Bug for that. You may never truly know what that means to me. These women go to sleep alone, go to the doctor alone, are sick at times at home alone, take care of babies/pregnancy alone, manage the financial responsibilities alone, take care of household duties alone, experience sadness and fear alone and some after only being married a short time. So the next time you pray for a Marine or any other soldier in the military and they are married, please say an extra prayer for the wife that is faithfully standing by her man and remember to thank her as well for her service. Just think, if she weren't supporting and encouraging her husband while he is fighting over there he couldn't do his job and stay focused so as far as I am concerned, they too are Marines and any other soldier in our Armed Forces! Thank you beautiful ladies and I will always be praying for you as I do our men! I love you all, but especially you Katie Bug. Love, mom

Chad Update 2

Yesterday was the Marine Corps 235 year birthday! Guess what? Katie & I got the present! Chad called both of us yesterday. He sounded so good considering all he has been through. Okay, let me take a stab at filling you in on all I can. He will have some great stories when he returns to the states and I just hope he is writing them all down so he won't forget anything, because after only 3 weeks he has some pretty good ones already.

So, first of all, don't get me wrong, things are rough over there. I'm just thankful they have found a way to have a sense of humor in the midst of all this chaos.

To celebrate, on Nov. 1st Chad picked up Corporal (promotion). He has worked so hard to achieve this next rank and every time he would get there they would increase the points needed to pick up and he would have to wait and do more to achieve it. This has happened many times since he picked up Lance Corporal so we are all celebrating with him.

There has been very busy since he has arrived in Afghanistan, but thank the Lord Chad is safe. He has lost a good bit of weight, but that was expected. Maybe not expected to be so much so fast, but he is doing all he can to improve that. He did have a little set back yesterday and today due to getting sick (ATM, you really don't want to know what that stands for), but he will recover and hopefully not get that dreadful virus again. Anyway, one thing he is trying to do over there to help him with his weight gain is working out. You might wonder what Marines would do in this remote and desilite place for a gym. Well, I'm glad you asked. What they have done is create a make-shift gym out of wood, sandbags, and car parts (yep, you read correctly, car parts). He has actually become quite the McGiver over there, mainly out of necessity, but at least he can do it. He has made a make-shift mouse trap (mice are terrible over there) out of metal, coke cans, stick, peanut butter, and a bucket of water. It was hilarious hearing him explain it all and he was quite proud (as he should be). By the way, it worked! He and his buddy Seth have made their own room out there. They found some old wire and fabric and made some walls so at least he has a little privacy. The way they eat anything other than MREs is to purchase (for usually $1) chickens, goats, and turkeys. Some of the villagers there gave him and Seth a puppy (black lab mix) and he has become their "cat" for catching mice. One late night early morning "Eli" brought a dead rat and laid it on Seth while he slept (bless it). As they were getting the puppy Chad saw a baby chicken running around so he scooped it up and slipped it into Seth's pocket. They made it a little pin and are feeding it MREs so they can fatten it up and eat it. I asked if he named it and he said no he thought it might be harder to eat if he did that. LOL! I love that boy.

There are so many crazy stories like that and like I said it's only been 3 weeks. I told him to write it all down so he wouldn't forget a thing. Katie and I are so thirsty to know every little thing they are experiencing over there and don't want to miss a thing. Yes, we may regret knowing some of that stuff one day, but right now, we are all about it.

The most important thing is he sounded good. He said mom, things are rough over here for sure and we are living like cave men (nothing ugly meant by that for any cave men that may be reading this), but I'm kind of liking that part. He said he is enjoying the "camping/roughing it" feeling and having to make all this stuff to get by. Only a true redneck could even say that in the situation he finds himself in today. That's my boy!

He did want me to thank everyone for all the prayers. He can't get on the computer obviously and we aren't sure how long he will have this phone for now, but knowing he is ok and things are being taken care of by these fine Marines made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside (yes, it's an understatement, but if I told you I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest you might not have understood exactly what I meant).

We can't disclose exact locations (he doesn't even really know exactly where he is), but we do know these Marines are trained and prepared for battle and they will take care of business! HooRah.... To Be Continued...

Happy 235th Birthday Marine Coprs

WOW! Talk about something that is the same no matter how much time has passed. My daddy was a Marine and his contract was up just as Vietnam was getting started and now my son is a Marine serving in Afghanistan as I type this and honestly nothing much about the Marine Corps has changed. The things my son did in boot camp are the same things my daddy did in boot camp. My daddy was on the East Coast and my son is on the West Coast, but it's all still the same. With the exception of my daddy being in Force Recon and Chad not and the fact that some of the things DIs would do to recruits when daddy was in versus now with Chad all other aspects of the Corps is the same. It was actually amazing to see how little it has really changed over the years. That tells me that consistency works! They train fine young men who I can attest become amazing men, husbands, fathers, & grandfathers. I'm so proud to say I'm a daughter and mother of a Marine! I have always been proud of these two men in my life, but every day I become more and more aware of what they go through and sacrifice for very little pay I am more proud and I truly didn't think that was even possible. I didn't get to experience what my daddy went through when he was enlisted, but I've walked every step (not literally) with my son and I know what he has gone through and continues to go through and I can tell you that there is nothing he can't do or handle with amazing grace. He himself didn't realize how little sleep he could function on or how little or terrible food he could hike miles with or without or how composed he could be when he is faced with adverisity, but I've seen him do that now consistently for almost 3 full years now. I believe through all his training and experiences with the Marine Corps he has learned not only patience, but tollerance and understanding that I don't know that he had or knew he had at 19 years old when he joined. Do I believe he would have had the heart and drive he has today at some point in his life, absolutely, but I don't believe he would have it today at 22 years old had it not been for the Corps. Yes, he chose this life and he (in a way) knew what he was getting into, but you never really know what you are getting into, because he had never been in a war before or lived so far from home with little to no contact with home before so to truly say he knew what he signed up for is a bit unfair. He knew he was giving up a lot of freedom and knew there would be people telling (yelling) orders to him and telling him when he could and/or could not do things, but there was no way he could have ever known what to expect of war and the sacrifices he would truly be making. I try very hard not to complain too much about being tired, or not sleeping all night or being hot or cold, because every time those words leave my mouth I immediately feel guilty thinking where my baby boy must be sleeping, if he is sleeping at all or what he had to eat, if anything at all or what the weather must be like there and especially since he can't just go take a shower or sleep in. He doesn't even get days off of work and "if" he gets an hour or two of R&R there is most likely a good chance that will be interupted with something they didn't see coming. You see, until you actually have a child that enters into the military and deploys to war it would be very difficult to truly understand what it must feel like not knowing for sure what your son is experiencing at this moment in time. I am very proud of him. I'm so proud that proud doesn't seem like a strong enough word for what I feel and I truly believe in God and I know he is protecting him 24/7, but knowing and feeling all that does not take away the fear and anxiety that goes along with no longer being able to wrap my arms around my son and protect him at all costs. It doesn't take away that sharp pain in my heart of just not knowing for sure what he is going through or how he feels at this moment and where he is. It's a terrible feeling all the time, but I don't obsess about it. I blog about it instead and then try to just leave it in my blog or my personal journal. I know my son is very well trained, prepared, guided, leading, surviving, and training others wherever he is. I know this. What I also know is when I see him, hear his voice, look at his pictures, or remember memories I have with/about him I still see a precious little tiny curly headed barefoot boy that talks (what little he would talk) around his "sassy" and is carrying around a ragged feather pillow (that use to be mine) with this little blue teddy bear with the satin rubbed off that Aunt Sharon gave him in the hospital when he was born dragging the baby blanket that grandmother made for him wherever he goes. That's what I see today and that's what I will always see in him. Regardless how big and bad a Marine he is, that is what I will always and forever see. I am one proud Marine Mom of Corporal Wade, Chad Stafford and a very proud daughter of a freaking genius, Lance Corporal Croft, Larry Dean! Never forget that MEN!

Peace

I know with my son in Afghanistan and my bonus daughter in CA basically alone that it might sound odd for me to say I have peace, but right now I really do. Daddy called this morning to tell me that during revival service last night he stood up for Chad, Katie, & myself and that the pastor prayed long and hard for not only us, but for all the other military service men and women out there serving today. Daddy said he had a peace come over him and that in turn gave me peace. I know there will still be scary days and sleepless nights, but knowing they have all those prayers going up 24/7 without ceasing gives this momma bear peace. It's my prayer that all the wives and parents of these young men have peace knowing that there are lots of prayers going up for all the guys as well as wives and parents. Sometimes it's hard for those who don't have a family member serving to truly relate with the constant fear and worry that you have and while we are all always so proud of our brave men and women serving sometimes the ones forgotten are the wives and parents that are trying to be as brave as our men & women. While we are not actually there with them experiencing the scary and devistating things they are, I know for me, in my heart and mind I am taking every step with mine. I know Katie takes every step as well as all the other wives and husbands out there. We all need that same peace and I truly do pray that we all get it and keep it as long as our loved ones are out there. I will be so thankful when this war is over and all our military folks are home safe and sound. My heart goes out to those who have either lost loved ones over there or have them return home wounded. I can't imagine your pain and I hate that anyone has to experience that. This needs to end and everyone needs to learn to live in peace. I know that is a dream and we may never truly see world peace, but a girl can dream can't she? To all our military (every branch) you have my commitment that I will be praying for you until you return home safely. To all our military wives & husbands, you too have my commitment that I will be praying for you until they return home safely and for all the parents out there you have my commitment that I will pray for you until your baby/babies return home safely.

What I really want to do...

What I really want to do right now is bring my son home safely and put him in the arms of his wife and take his place in this ugly war. If I thought I could do that at all I would so be right there and he would so be right here safe and protected. However, I can't do that regardless of how badly that's what I want to do. All I can do is pray and wait. Pray and wait. That seems simple and easy enough, but honestly, it's one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It's one thing for my kids or my husband or family to travel and be gone for long periods of time. It's not always easy to go through that or have your family scattered, but at least I know should I need to I could get to them one way or the other. Right now, I can't get to my baby boy. All I can do is trust the Lord and the Marine Corps and while that may seem easy, it's not. I never have been one to spend a lot of time wishing I could go back and have him little again or take back years that we have already gone through, but at this very moment I would love to be able to have him little again, barefoot, and little ringlet curls bouncing all over his head again for just a moment. Just to have a moment where I can pick him up in my arms and just hold him and protect him from anything or anyone that could harm him. I want those days back where he is dressed up in his football uniform with cowboy boots and a gun and holster set around his waist and him running and falling in slow motion. I want that back. I want him to be upset with the cat because she is on his pilpow (pillow). I want him lining all his little matchbox cars up in the living room in a row because he is watching Nascar on TV or singing his little heart out (Wanted by Allen Jackson) with his cowboy hat on with his aluminum foil microphone that BoBo made him. That's what I want today more than anything else. However, I can't have that back right now and I know my son needs me to be strong while he is fighting in this horrible war and that is what I will try my very best to do, but I will say this... These bad guys have never seen the likes of what a momma can do to them should they hurt my baby boy. They will only wish every military branch in the world was there instead of me if they hurt him so let them be warned!

I miss my son....

That's all, I just really miss him.