Very sweet tributes...

I believe all parents want to know/believe that when they aren't around their children are still good kids and behave the way they would if they aren't around. I'm not naive enough to think that Chad was perfect when I wasn't around, but it has been made apparent to me that he did know right from wrong and still tried to be the best person he could be even when he never thought I would know. I guess it's a little on the funny side that if you have a child that has lived through teenage years and you have to lose them, that's when you find out how great they really were when you weren't around. I've been so fortunate to learn that even when I wasn't around my son still tried to always do the right thing. Of course he messed up and made mistakes and was, well, a teenager, However, when friends tell you that he was always the same person regardless who was around or we would try to break the rules, but Chad never wanted to participate, because he didn't want to get into trouble, there is something very comforting about that. I may not have ever known those things if he were still alive today. At least probably not for many more years to come. So needless to say, I am still so extremely proud of my son. To me, it's a huge show of respect when someone wants to carry on your name. To me it means that the person they are naming their child after has made an impact in their lives or that they were very well respected for the kind of person they were and loved very much. Well, I am fortunate enough to now have witnessed 3 people in Chad's life that has chosen to carry on his name and it makes my heart just swell up with pride. To me that says a lot about the kind of young man Chad really was and while I always thought and knew what kind of person he was it's always nice to know that others saw that too and just when you thought you couldn't be more proud, there you go feeling even more. Let me introduce you to Chad's namesakes in the order in which they came to be.
First we have little Noahh Stafford (Chad's middle name). Maxx (Noahh's daddy) is a Marine that was stationed at Camp Pendleton with Chad and Maxx and Emily (Noahh's mommy) were close friends of Chad and Katie. Chad and Katie helped Emily while Maxx was deployed and in return Maxx and Emily helped Katie while Chad was deployed and since December 1st they've just been right there if she needed them. Emily was pregnant with Noahh while Maxx was deployed and gave birth in December just before Christmas. They decided after December 1st that they wanted to name Noahh with Chad's middle name and we couldn't have felt more honored. Before Chad deployed Maxx and Emily named Chad and Katie Noahh's godparents. What an honor to be the godparent of any child so after Chad was KIA I decided I would take over his "godfather" duties and love Noahh like I know Chad would. With that responsibility comes the honor of teaching Noahh all about our beloved Tennessee Vols! Now, you might be like, why is that such a big deal. Well, I will be glad to tell you. See, Emily is a Florida Gator fan. Yeah, I know right. Any who... Although I would never get him a Gator Hater onsie (although it was tempting) out of respect for his mommy, I did get him several TN outfits along with a TN "Real Tree" camo ball cap. See, Chad was a huge "Real Tree" fan (mainly because he was a true redneck) so it was just fitting that Noahh have his very own. In this picture I'm going to show you, he is sporting his first "Real Tree" TN ball cap.

Here is proudly shows you the "T"

I think he likes it!

The next little namesake I want to tell you about is little "Wade".  Little "Wade" belongs to TJ Oliver.  TJ is one of Chad's buddies in the Marine Corps and was deployed with Chad in Iraq and Afghanistan.  While they were deployed together they were in different locations, but they were still brothers.  Chad and TJ lived across the parking lot from each other when Chad & Katie lived on base.  They spent many days and nights together both during and after work.  If I'm not mistaken even before TJ got back to the states from Afghanistan he already had little "Wade" picked out and named.  Now those who know me at all know I'm not a fan of dogs (critters in general, but especially dogs).  I've been terrified of them since I can remember and as much as I hate it that's just how it is with me.  However, I must say so myself, that this has to be one of the cutest little things I've seen in a long time.  Let me introduce you to little "Wade" (who apparently isn't quite so little anymore, but this picture is probably less scary for me).

"Wade"

Last, but certainly not least let me tell you about the newest of Chad's namesakes.  Wednesday of this week, July 20th, little Bentley Wade McQuillan was born (10 lbs 1 oz!) to Justin and Beth.  Now let me tell you a little about Justin.  Justin (or as I've always referred to him as Across the street Justin) lived across the street from Chad and I when we first moved into our own place here in AR.  We lived across the street from Justin and his family for about 6 years.  Chad and Justin were very close friends and went to school together until graduation.  Justin is the only one of Chad's buddies from school that stayed in touch with me all the time and especially after Chad enlisted.  He would call or text me about every couple of weeks just to check in and make sure I was ok and to check on Chad.  He credits Chad for him moving to Florida and going to motorcycle mechanic school.  He is a great kid.  I love this boy!  He and his girlfriend Beth live together in Florida and she is just a doll.  Unfortunately, I met her for the first time at Chad's funeral, but I knew right away she loved Justin and he loved her.  Shortly after the funeral Justin called me to tell me they were having a baby.  I was so excited for them and knew right away that Justin would make a great father.  He said he wanted to name his son after Chad in some way and Beth was amazing enough to agree.  So now let me introduce you to Mr. Bentley Wade McQuillan, our newest addition to our family.

Bentley Wade McQuillan

What an honor!  Chad would be so proud and over the moon about all this and what a tribute to him.  Thank you all for making Chad a permanent piece of your lives that will last forever.  It means so much to me that you thought so much of my son that you wanted his name to be forever present.  I love you all so much.

I so would if I could

If it was possible I would so go to heaven to visit Chadman today. I've needed to give him a hug and rub his head. See that sweet smile and just be in his presence. I miss him. I would love on my JessiBo and grandmother. Grandmother's birthday would have been yesterday and I almost sent Chad a text to remind him (because that's just what I do) and caught myself and then cried. Don't feel sorry for me. I just had to get my feelings and thoughts out of my head today. I did go to the cemetery at lunch today and ate my jelly and peanut butter sandwich there beside his little resting spot. Brought back so many memories of all the jelly and peanut butter sandwiches we've eaten together. Made me smile. If we could visit heaven how amazing would that be. Well, I guess it wouldn't be considered heaven, because then it would be a sad place when we had to leave so I guess it's really just an oxymoron, but I sure would give anything to just have one more visit. Please, just one more... :(

Little bit of a heavy heart today...

I don't really have a real cause my heavy heart.  Maybe it's because I've just not felt well the last few weeks. I don't know if I have an allergic reaction going on or shingles or what, but whatever IT is has truly taken a toll on me the last few weeks.  I know that tends to make people a bit more emotional than they might be on a new "normal" day, but I sure don't enjoy feeling like I do.
I truly have much to be so thankful and grateful for.  We received a very generous and unexpected donation for Wings for Our Troops this week along with several smaller donations that added up to the first single largest deposit today.  It also appears that my sister in NC made it a mission of hers to beat that so there could be an even bigger deposit to be made any day now.  All these donations (big and small) are soon to be helping many military men and women enjoy a visit home before and after deployments to give them precious memories they will carry through the rest of their lives.  It might be 11 days like we had or it could be more or less, but one thing is for sure, however many days they receive for that leave will be worth it and especially if they were almost robbed of that precious time due to financial reasons.
I was a little knocked down last night when we got home from work in an unexpected way.  I received a letter from First Lady Michelle Obama in response to a letter I wrote her months ago asking for her help (or better yet endorsement) for Wings for Our Troops "in loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade" to have received nothing more than acknowledgement of my letter and basically sorry for your loss and families like Gold Star families and families of Wounded soldiers is why they are getting involved with our military.  There was no commitment or promise to help us out or to learn more about our foundation or anything.  It was frustrating enough to actually kind of tick me off so now I am on an additional mission to make this happen with or without our governments support.  I know we can do this.  I won't rest until it happens.  I guess I was just hoping since "they" were "trying" to get more involved that they would jump on this.  I know they can't support and get involved with everything that comes across their desk (I'm really not that naive), BUT!  Shouldn't our government be paying for these pre and post deployment trips home anyway?  I mean, really?  These are probably some (I won't say the most) of the most underpaid government employees out there?  I know, there are those that will say, yeah, but they volunteered for this "job".  You are correct.  They did volunteer for this "job", but if they didn't volunteer, what kind of life or "job" would you or any of us have?  Trust me, I'm not trying to jump on a soap box with the government or anything political.  I'm just a hurting mom that sees a need and is having nothing but difficulty getting things done.  We thought we could potentially get things kicked off on our own first without having to apply for a 501(C)-3 status with the IRS until we had enough funds collected to be self-sustaining and then get under the umbrella of an already established foundation.  Well, you apparently can't do that unless you have a large enough donation or head start financially.  Well guess what?  Most people who are looking to donate or give an endowment or restricted funds will usually only do so if you are currently in 501(C)-3 status.  So we thought, maybe this is the time to pay the fees and apply for this non-profit status and just move forward.  Well, that seems easy enough, right? Not so much.  I've done many things to even get my hands on the application to even apply and cannot seem to get my hands on one.  I've reached out to attorneys (and nothing), I've made phone calls, written letters, checked with the IRS (and still nothing).  I know, there are some thinking I'm having a pity party.  Well, maybe in a way I am, but more than anything I'm just sharing my heavy heart for a passion that Tebo and I (as well as my family and others) have to help and pay it forward even if it's to get a soldier home for even a short visit with their families in the event this will be the last time they see them or if they need extra love and support when they return home after loosing a brother.  That's what all this is about.  We have so many out there already doing so much to help us out.  We have http://www.facebook.com/pages/Daisy-Elm-Jewelry-and-Rosaries/306554382089 donating 50% of her R.E.D. Friday (Remember Everyone Deployed) jewelry to Wings for Our Troops.  We have http://www.facebook.com/pages/Underground-Vintage-Studio/130539006960117?ref=ts donating proceeds of certain items of hers to Wins for Our Troops.  We also have the band "TAKE IT BACK" http://www.facebook.com/takeitback having a t-shirt created with our logo on the back and their band information on the front to donate the proceeds of those sales to our Wings for Our Troops foundation.  Then you have family and friends donating their time and hard work and money out of their pockets to raise money as well as just random people we know or don't know sending money for our foundation and I couldn't be more grateful for all this.  I can, however, get frustrated with the red tape that we have to go through to just get set up as a non-profit and believe it or not, Pay Pal is giving us the biggest fit and we were always told that's the way to go.  I'm just frustrated and add frustration to an already heavy heart and a heart that I believe will only feel better when we are truly helping others and you have a momma bear on the edge.  I will pull through this heavy day.  I will be fine.  I won't ever be the same (duh), but I will be fine.  I'm blessed beyond measure with the love of my husband, bonus kids (all of them), family, friends, neighbors that will make it forever impossible for us to move (which we are not complaining about), but for today, I'm going to shed a few tears, feel a little sorry for myself (not much), and sit and figure out a way to make this 501(C)-3 thing work as well as our foundation http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wings-for-Our-Troops-in-loving-Memory-of-CPL-Chad-S-Wade/129144670496081 be a huge success.  I guess I just needed to take a little time out of my pity party and share my heavy heart with you today, but even more than that, I want to say (from the very bottom of my heart) THANK YOU for all who are believing in this cause with us.  We do love each and every one of you (even if we don't know you yet).

I have a great family!

I have a great family.  Anyone who knows us already sees that (I'm sure), but sometimes people don't know just how amazing they can be.  Since December 1, 2010 I've seen more and more acts of kindness and love and appreciation from not only our family, but others who come in contact with our family.  I'm certain all families are as wonderful and amazing as ours, but today I choose to thinks it's just mine.  :D
My baby sister, Stacy, helped us weekend before the 4th with a fundraiser in Chad's name for the Wounded Warrior Project and our parents came, my bonus daughter, Candi, with her husband Nathan, and her bonus brother, Justin were there with Tebo and I with Chad's buddies from high school.  Wendy & Mike Jones organized and hosted the fundraiser and they didn't care about the heat or anything.  They just worked right along side the friends that were hosting the fundraiser and together we raised $2,400 for the WWP and that doesn't even count the money raised online that we aren't aware of yet.  Now this weekend, July 8th, my other sister, Paige, is hosting a fundraiser at Fun Depot in Asheville, NC to raise money for our foundation called Wings for Our Troops foundation "in loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade".  Check out her interview with her local new station this morning (good job sis) at http://wingsforourtroops.blogspot.com/2011/07/big-thank-you-for-fundraiser.html  This foundation will assist our military men and women get home to visit family and friends before and after deployments.  Many people are not aware that this expense comes out of their own pockets and out of a very modest income.  If they don't pay to go home and their families aren't able to financially help them get home, they just don't see them before they leave.  I for one cannot imagine not having had those precious 11 days with Chad before he deployed to Afghanistan.  It was a visit that I will never forget and one that was cherished by us all. 



Selfish

I feel the need to be selfish and feel a little sorry for myself right now.  Yes, it will pass and I will be fine, but just hearing the verdict on Casey Anthony just really has me pissed off right now!  I know only the person responsible for this innocent child's murder will ever really know the truth, but from what little I do know about this case I believe in my heart that Casey either is guilty of the murder of her child, participated, or has knowledge of her death.  It breaks my heart!  There are families in this world that would have loved to have little Caylee as their daughter and would have taken such good care of her if being a mother was a bother for Casey.  On the selfish side, I would give anything in this world to have my son back with me, but that can't happen.  I know a friend of mine would love to have his son back and I know my sister would give anything to have her daughter back and you have a family like this (who obviously has major issues all on their own) who carelessly just throws this precious little life away!  Really!  (scream)... There isn't one breath I take that I'm not wishing I could kiss Chad's head, or hug him, tell him I love him, smell him, brag on him, hear his voice, you name it and I'm thinking it and this "mother" is out partying and doesn't call police for 31 days after she goes missing.  Really!!!  If I went 24 hours without knowing where Chad was or if he was ok, I was calling him or Katie or his friends.  I just don't get it.  I really don't.  There is nothing anyone could ever tell me to help me get this.  I don't have a right to judge her, I truly know this, but it is so hard to sit here and know that there are people out there that have lost a child either at birth or after through all sorts of reasons (me included) that would give anything to have their babies again and then you have people like this.  I will just never get it.  I'm sorry little Caylee.  I know my Chadman, Jessica, Shep, and Christopher and many other precious kids are welcoming you and playing ring around the rosies with you and you deserved more than what you got, but at least one thing can give everyone in America that is outraged right now a little peace.  You will never have to hurt or feel neglected ever again.  I just want to cry!  I don't know what "justice" would have been, but it sure doesn't feel like this is it.  Love your babies as soon as you can get your arms around them and if you can't get your arms around them, but can call them, then call them.  If you are like me and others in this sad group and you can't do either of these things, when you get a chance close your eyes and see your baby in your heart and love them that way.  You can bet that I will be doing just that today a little more than normal for my Chad.  I just wish heaven wasn't so far away (as the song says), because that's right where I would be right now wrapping my arms not only around Chad, but every child up there, including little Caylee Anthony!  I apologize for venting like this today.  This verdict just really struck a nerve with me (as I'm sure it has most of the people in America) and I had to get it off my chest to prevent from exploding. 

Friends helping WWP

In memory of Chad his buddies from high school (aka The Nuts) and their girlfriends/fiance stepped up when it counted!  We put the Wounded Warrior Project in lieu of flowers for Chad's funeral because we believe it to be a very worthy cause.  These guys with the help of Emily's parents, Mike & Wendy Jones, hosted a fundraiser for the Wounded Warrior Project and raised a little over $2,400 in just what was collected on site.  That doesn't count how much was most likely raised on the website http://www.woundedwarriorproject.com/
It was extremely hot temperatures and it was constant walking and working to sell grilled chicken and hand out WWP bracelets and just making people aware of the foundation and why we were there.  They put up orange ribbons for TN (for Chad) and set out American Flags.  It was a sight to behold.  KNWA's Neile Jones was there as well as her camera man to spotlight these efforts.  You should check out Neile and her crew at http://www.knwa.com/ or look for her on Face Book.  I thought I would share some pictures from that day and show you how hard these guys all worked to raise money for the Wounded Warrior Project as well as getting the word out about Wings for Our Troops "in loving Memory of CPL Chad S Wade" http://www.wingsforourtroops.com/ Thank you for all your hard work guys/gals and thank you for everyone who came out and/or made a donation to either the WWP or Wings for Our Troops.  Your thoughtfulness and kindness is not going un-noticed by many! 

BoBo checking out one of the signs

CHICKEN!

Cody

They were working the corner :)

Get you some chicken!

What a great sight to see

Awe...

Me and Daddy

One of the orange ribbons

Thank you for your donation

They were getting donations by intimidation  :)