I'm actually taking the title to this post from a very special blogger (and Gold Star wife) to help bring awareness to a very big problem and one that is very close to my heart. "A Little Pink in a World of Camo" states this issue very well so I don't want to take anything away from her so please visit http://alittlepinkinaworldofcamo.blogspot.com/2013/07/ptsd-suicide-and-our-military.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ALittlePinkInAWorldOfCamo+%28A+Little+Pink+in+a+World+of+Camo%29 and read her words.
What I will mention in this post is that my heart aches for these men and women that return from combat and struggle with this silent "killer" and/or silent disease that truly takes over and controls their worlds. Many times they don't even realize that is what they are dealing with until they have struggled for months and even years. Typically what I am understanding from those I'm the closest to is that it is the families that notice these signs/symptoms first, but most don't know how or if they should confront their loved one.
The worse thing any of us can do is turn a blind eye to this epidemic (and I truly believe that is what it is now based on the number of veterans we have re-entering the civilian life). If we choose not to acknowledge or embrace these young men and women they will get lost and potentially even worse end their lives as a result.
What I'm learning about PTSD is that our men and women that have it are either feeling or being treated (or both) like it is a bad thing and negative. The only time I believe it is bad or negative is if we choose to ignore it and do nothing. We want to educate the world so that these young men and women get the help they so desperately need and deserve without putting a negative stigma on them.
In doing some research of my own (very elementary I might add), I came across a doctor that really shed light on this epidemic. Her name is Dr. Heidi Kraft and she is a clinical psychologist and former Navy Lieutenant Commander and she saw the effects of war on service members first hand during a tour in Iraq. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis. It is an anxiety disorder that is based on a person haivng lived through or experienced a trauma and then at some later point experiencing some symptoms based on that traumatic memory "Dr. Heidi Kraft". Please take a moment to check out this interview with her on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofs9np3yraQ and you will understand much more than I can tell you here.
I do believe my fellow blogger from "A Little Pink in a World of Camo" said it very well when she said this is OUR problem as a Nation and WE owe it to these service men and women to do all we can to help them and in a small way re-pay them for their service and tremendous sacrifices they have given for all of us.
As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, this is very close to my heart. My son served right along side some amazing young men in the USMC and I know these men are struggling. I know they must suffer from some degree of PTSD. Some will acknowledge it and seek help and others will not. I do believe that they are trained not to show weakness, but I'm here to tell them now, seeking help for this is not a sign of weakness, but just the opposite. It takes tremendous courage and bravery to admit you need help and then see it through to get the help you need. After finding the YouTube interview with Dr. Heidi Kraft and reading more about her I sent each of these guys that I knew how to reach a letter explaining that if they were experiencing any of these symptoms or feelings to please not ignore them, but seek help for it. I pray they are all doing just that. They owe it to themselves, their families, and their fellow and fallen brothers to live the best life they can live and they can't do that if they refuse to seek help for this.
This is real and this is nothing to be ashamed of. You will read her words, but "A Little Pink in a World of Camo" said, "If you aren't shaken by war and what you see there, then that is crazy" (I paraphrased that to a point), but she is correct. You cannot see and experience what these young men and women see and experience and not be effected by it. With that being said, why is it that there tends to be such a negative connotation linked to that diagnosis? It shouldn't be. This is the very least we can do for these men and women that sacrifice so much and some that sacrificed all for us.
Please, stand with us America! Let's take care of our own as they are and have and will take care of us! I challenge you to be a part of the solution! Are you up for the challenge? If you are, don't merely talk about it, but do something.
You might wonder what you can do. You can start by educating yourself on the signs and symptoms of PTSD and encourage a military member to seek help, but more than that, make sure they know and believe that it is ok to seek help and there isn't anything "wrong" with them for coming forward. Then just love and support them every chance you get and above all else, pray for them! These young men and women are amazing people and they know loyalty and sacrifice. Why let that character and all that goodness go to waste when they can offer so much to society, employers, and communities. Let's not let this happen.
To all our service men and women, past, present, and future, you ARE appreciated and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and you can reach out to me any time if you need someone to talk to. I owe you at least that much.
God Speed to each and every one of you and for our Gold Star Families!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
The most amazing...
I truly believe I have the most amazing husband a girl could dream of. He never ceases to amaze me and on a regular basis. We started dating in 2001 and continued dating until we got married in 2005 so we truly were marrying our best friend. I know we both feel that way and I think that is a huge piece of why we have been able to weather some pretty rough waters since we got married. He has had to deal with a lot more than I have especially with losing Chad. I am convinced if it weren't for him I would most likely not be here on this earth today. He has helped me in ways I can't truly explain and most times it is without uttering one word.
When we sold our house and bought a new one I never dreamed it would be that hard. In 24 years I had never moved that Chad wasn't with us (on this earth) so I felt like I was abandoning him or leaving memories behind or something. I can't really explain how I felt, I just knew it didn't feel good. What does my amazing husband do? Well, he decided we needed to pick out a room for Chad, so we did. I never wanted it to be like a shrine and there are times I fear it has become that, but I have to say, each day it feels more like a room he would be proud of. I have little pieces of Chad that I still had in there and while I wish it were more, I've made the best of the few things I do have and they do give me comfrot somehow.
Memorial Day weekend falls on his birthday week/weekend so it is so bitter sweet. There are many who just don't understand why I don't feel like celebrating and joining in on different activities, but I can't. I feel I need that time to be alone with my thoughts and just make it through as that time is typically very emotional for me and I would rather be emotional alone than with anyone else. All I can do is hope they understand and don't take it personally. Most holidays make me feel that way right now and while that might get better, it's not there yet so I can only manage through them the best I can right now and I don't think I'm doing too shabby, especially with Tebo by my side and the family and friends I have that surround me.
This week he showed me yet again how much he is in tune with how my heart feels. I was having a tough week and the only thing I can chalk it up to is the fact that Tuesday, July 2nd marked the anniversary of when Chad signed his official paperwork for his enlistment. I've never been affected like that in the past, but this year it seemed to bother me more and for the first time I had become overcome with guilt and sadness. I didn't mention anything to Tebo (or anyone), but I did send him an email on Tuesday and told him what day it was. I didn't expect anything to come from it, I just wanted him to know. He replied back with "lunch?". I said, that would be nice. We went to lunch and didn't say a whole lot, just sat mostly and chit chatted about nothing much. We did discuss a few ideas for the foundation, but nothing serious went on during that hour. Wednesday we got off work a little early for the holiday and went by the grocery and headed home. We were unloading the groceries and he asked me to check the front porch. I went to look and there was a box. I assumed he just ordered something for the house or whatever. I went back to unloading groceries and when I turned around he was holding out a Blue Nile box. I opened it and it was a beautiful Garnett and silver ring. The Garnett was the shape of a heart and when I asked what it was for he just simply said, I knew you were having a hard week and now you have a piece of my heart on your finger. At that moment I knew it was ok for me to just deal with my emotions the best way I can and I know I will be taken care of. I don't require jewelry or anything like that. It has nothing to do with the material things, it has everything to do with how he just instinctively knows when I need him to show that he is understanding and not upset with me for getting super quiet or stand offish. That's love people. I know he loves me unconditionally and that means more to me than any gift he could ever buy for me.
I know he won't read this blog, because, well, he just doesn't. However, some day I will finally be able to show him how much I appreciate him and all he does for me and the fact that he continues to just be patient while I work through this "new normal" if you will.
Thank you babe and you are loved always and forever.
When we sold our house and bought a new one I never dreamed it would be that hard. In 24 years I had never moved that Chad wasn't with us (on this earth) so I felt like I was abandoning him or leaving memories behind or something. I can't really explain how I felt, I just knew it didn't feel good. What does my amazing husband do? Well, he decided we needed to pick out a room for Chad, so we did. I never wanted it to be like a shrine and there are times I fear it has become that, but I have to say, each day it feels more like a room he would be proud of. I have little pieces of Chad that I still had in there and while I wish it were more, I've made the best of the few things I do have and they do give me comfrot somehow.
Memorial Day weekend falls on his birthday week/weekend so it is so bitter sweet. There are many who just don't understand why I don't feel like celebrating and joining in on different activities, but I can't. I feel I need that time to be alone with my thoughts and just make it through as that time is typically very emotional for me and I would rather be emotional alone than with anyone else. All I can do is hope they understand and don't take it personally. Most holidays make me feel that way right now and while that might get better, it's not there yet so I can only manage through them the best I can right now and I don't think I'm doing too shabby, especially with Tebo by my side and the family and friends I have that surround me.
This week he showed me yet again how much he is in tune with how my heart feels. I was having a tough week and the only thing I can chalk it up to is the fact that Tuesday, July 2nd marked the anniversary of when Chad signed his official paperwork for his enlistment. I've never been affected like that in the past, but this year it seemed to bother me more and for the first time I had become overcome with guilt and sadness. I didn't mention anything to Tebo (or anyone), but I did send him an email on Tuesday and told him what day it was. I didn't expect anything to come from it, I just wanted him to know. He replied back with "lunch?". I said, that would be nice. We went to lunch and didn't say a whole lot, just sat mostly and chit chatted about nothing much. We did discuss a few ideas for the foundation, but nothing serious went on during that hour. Wednesday we got off work a little early for the holiday and went by the grocery and headed home. We were unloading the groceries and he asked me to check the front porch. I went to look and there was a box. I assumed he just ordered something for the house or whatever. I went back to unloading groceries and when I turned around he was holding out a Blue Nile box. I opened it and it was a beautiful Garnett and silver ring. The Garnett was the shape of a heart and when I asked what it was for he just simply said, I knew you were having a hard week and now you have a piece of my heart on your finger. At that moment I knew it was ok for me to just deal with my emotions the best way I can and I know I will be taken care of. I don't require jewelry or anything like that. It has nothing to do with the material things, it has everything to do with how he just instinctively knows when I need him to show that he is understanding and not upset with me for getting super quiet or stand offish. That's love people. I know he loves me unconditionally and that means more to me than any gift he could ever buy for me.
I know he won't read this blog, because, well, he just doesn't. However, some day I will finally be able to show him how much I appreciate him and all he does for me and the fact that he continues to just be patient while I work through this "new normal" if you will.
Thank you babe and you are loved always and forever.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
July 2, 2007
July 2, 2007 is a very significant date for me. That marks the date that Chad "officially" signed his enlistment papers for the Marine Corps. I was struggling yesterday for the first time on that date and for the first time I felt guilt. I had not felt guilt on that date before and why it hit me like that yesterday is still a mystery to me. I may never know why yesterday hit me like it did, but it was a very off day for me. I sent Tebo an email and told him what the date was and he asked me if I wanted to do lunch and I said that would be nice. We didn't discuss it or spend the lunch hour crying or anything like that. In fact we didn't even discuss the date or Chad enlisting at all. Instead we had a fairly quiet lunch and discussed new ideas and options for the Wings for Our Troops "In loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade" foundation. It was just comforting to be sitting next to him and know that if I needed to cry I could.
Just before lunch I received a text message from a number I didn't have saved in my phone and it was 3 pictures of the Marine Memorial Hotel in San Francisco and there was a stone with Chad's name and information on it. I replied with very nice and asked who it was. Turns out it was one of his buddies in the Corps, Connell, and that made it mean even more. I sent him a note and told him that they never cease to amaze me. Just when I need to hear from one of them, boom, there they are.
The day was sad for me all day. I would tear up while working and just push through the tears and finished up my day and we bolted out right at 5:00 as we were meeting the builder to walk through our punch list at the house and I told Tebo once he was gone and we had dinner I was going to my favorite room in the house (the patio) and relax.
Well, the builder showed up and we did our walk through and Tebo and I ate a light dinner and I grabbed a glass of wine and turned on my music and went to the patio. I don't know what compelled me to go inside and grab a book that a friend of mine wrote and start reading it, but I did. I completed the book last night crying throughout a large portion of the book. There were so many emotions I did experience while reading it, but the biggest emotion was hurt for him. It is a true story about the loss of his only child, Christopher. He dedicated his book to several people obviously to his son Christopher, but also to others and he also included Chad. I read the book and to my surprise there was a very large section at the end of the book that was devoted to Chad. He took what was his very personal sorrow and loss and incorporated Chad to have him immortalized forever right there with his own son. It's hard to explain in mere words what that meant to me, but hopefully one day I will be able to convey just how much it touched me.
Not only has he written about Chad within his own personal story, but once he sells 1,000 books he plans to donate 20% of the investment as well as the future sale of his book to our WFOT foundation. Again, mere words just don't seem enough. This book was for him and to help grieving parents find some peace and he managed to include Chad. I'm just at a loss for words about this.
I would encourage you to read this book. If you unfortuante to be a member of this "club" of parents that have lost a child, you should read it, but even if you have never lost a child, but either know someone who has or would just like an insight into what a parent goes through when they lose their child, this book will do that for you. I think everyone should read it and everyone will walk away from this book with something different. If you would like to purchase this book please go to http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781625108135 and purchase it. It is very affordable and worth every penny. The author (and father) is Glen M. Clark (I refer to him as LT) and his words will touch your very core. Thank you LT for not only sharing your painful story, but for being so kind to include Chad as well as the foundation. I know you didn't have to do that, but you did anyway and we thank you for that.
I made it through another "date" yesterday and while it was a hard day, I made it through and today is a bit better. Tomorrow being July 4th and all the celebrations that will be going on, it's my hope and prayer that we all remember that without young men and women (like Chad) we couldn't be free to celebrate and enjoy time with our families so remember them all as you are watching fireworks and cooking out.
Many of these men and women are still on the front lines risking their lives every day and there are many of them that are living as civilians today that are struggling and there are way too many families having to live without their child, spouse, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. so remember them as well. One more thought, if you are with a Veteran over the 4th of July, please stop and think that the loud booms of fireworks could potentially stir emotion and fear in them so be thoughtful and caring enough to respect that. We will never know what they had to experience in the combat zone so stop and give pause for a moment and think what it must be like for them during this holiday weekend. Please and thank you.
Just before lunch I received a text message from a number I didn't have saved in my phone and it was 3 pictures of the Marine Memorial Hotel in San Francisco and there was a stone with Chad's name and information on it. I replied with very nice and asked who it was. Turns out it was one of his buddies in the Corps, Connell, and that made it mean even more. I sent him a note and told him that they never cease to amaze me. Just when I need to hear from one of them, boom, there they are.
The day was sad for me all day. I would tear up while working and just push through the tears and finished up my day and we bolted out right at 5:00 as we were meeting the builder to walk through our punch list at the house and I told Tebo once he was gone and we had dinner I was going to my favorite room in the house (the patio) and relax.
Well, the builder showed up and we did our walk through and Tebo and I ate a light dinner and I grabbed a glass of wine and turned on my music and went to the patio. I don't know what compelled me to go inside and grab a book that a friend of mine wrote and start reading it, but I did. I completed the book last night crying throughout a large portion of the book. There were so many emotions I did experience while reading it, but the biggest emotion was hurt for him. It is a true story about the loss of his only child, Christopher. He dedicated his book to several people obviously to his son Christopher, but also to others and he also included Chad. I read the book and to my surprise there was a very large section at the end of the book that was devoted to Chad. He took what was his very personal sorrow and loss and incorporated Chad to have him immortalized forever right there with his own son. It's hard to explain in mere words what that meant to me, but hopefully one day I will be able to convey just how much it touched me.
Not only has he written about Chad within his own personal story, but once he sells 1,000 books he plans to donate 20% of the investment as well as the future sale of his book to our WFOT foundation. Again, mere words just don't seem enough. This book was for him and to help grieving parents find some peace and he managed to include Chad. I'm just at a loss for words about this.
I would encourage you to read this book. If you unfortuante to be a member of this "club" of parents that have lost a child, you should read it, but even if you have never lost a child, but either know someone who has or would just like an insight into what a parent goes through when they lose their child, this book will do that for you. I think everyone should read it and everyone will walk away from this book with something different. If you would like to purchase this book please go to http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781625108135 and purchase it. It is very affordable and worth every penny. The author (and father) is Glen M. Clark (I refer to him as LT) and his words will touch your very core. Thank you LT for not only sharing your painful story, but for being so kind to include Chad as well as the foundation. I know you didn't have to do that, but you did anyway and we thank you for that.
I made it through another "date" yesterday and while it was a hard day, I made it through and today is a bit better. Tomorrow being July 4th and all the celebrations that will be going on, it's my hope and prayer that we all remember that without young men and women (like Chad) we couldn't be free to celebrate and enjoy time with our families so remember them all as you are watching fireworks and cooking out.
Many of these men and women are still on the front lines risking their lives every day and there are many of them that are living as civilians today that are struggling and there are way too many families having to live without their child, spouse, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. so remember them as well. One more thought, if you are with a Veteran over the 4th of July, please stop and think that the loud booms of fireworks could potentially stir emotion and fear in them so be thoughtful and caring enough to respect that. We will never know what they had to experience in the combat zone so stop and give pause for a moment and think what it must be like for them during this holiday weekend. Please and thank you.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Facing the hard truth
If your parents are still on this earth and you are an adult, I'm sure you will be able to relate to this post in some way or another. My siblings and I are facing the hard truth that our parents are aging and becoming less and less like the person they were when we were growing up. Things seem to be changing rapidly and some days it feels like overnight.
This past weekend me, Paige, Dawn, and Amanda were faced with our mom being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This is not a "patient's" disease, it is a "family's" disease. It affects the entire family and takes a toll on everyone around the patient and as children and grandchildren of the patient, it tends to feel magnified at times. We were thrown into this disease a bit by surprise. I say surprise, because while we knew things were changing and days weren't quite right we never thought it could get this bad so quickly. Paige had been sharing with us things that were happening, but quite honestly if you aren't there day to day you don't see it that drastic. Well, now Amanda and I have seen it up close and personal.
This past weekend was the annual Causby family reunion in NC. I decided that since I had not been there since 2007, I needed to go and I'm really glad I did. It was a pretty low turn out and as it happened, I'm kind of glad it was as many more people and things could have been far worse for mom. She was very confused and combative at times and things spiraled a bit out of control Sunday evening leaving us to believe she may have had a stroke (which I'm still not 100% convinced she didn't). After spending Monday in the ER and Tuesday at the doctor's office, they diagnosed her with Alzheimer's. We were shocked (well, I was more so than the others I think as I truly didn't think she had gotten that bad). I never dreamed things could change so quickly, but they did. She wasn't the mother that raised us and that can be quite the shocker.
We have much to learn and understand about this terrible disease and we are all committed to learn all we can and try to do our very best to be the best caregivers we can be. Unfortunately the day to day care will have to fall on Don, Amanda, and Paige as well as mom's sister and friends. Dawn and I living so far away makes it so hard for us to take some of the load off them, but I'm sure we will be the ones to take the biggest part of caregiving with Stacy when it comes to our parents here. I guess that's why the Lord ends up taking us in different directions at times. He knows there will come a time when we need to be divided to conquer in life. I truly believe this is what we are supposed to do with our parents.
I do pray there is a cure or better treatment for Alzheimer's soon. It is so hard to watch a parent (or anyone for that matter) deal with this horrible disease.
This past weekend me, Paige, Dawn, and Amanda were faced with our mom being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This is not a "patient's" disease, it is a "family's" disease. It affects the entire family and takes a toll on everyone around the patient and as children and grandchildren of the patient, it tends to feel magnified at times. We were thrown into this disease a bit by surprise. I say surprise, because while we knew things were changing and days weren't quite right we never thought it could get this bad so quickly. Paige had been sharing with us things that were happening, but quite honestly if you aren't there day to day you don't see it that drastic. Well, now Amanda and I have seen it up close and personal.
This past weekend was the annual Causby family reunion in NC. I decided that since I had not been there since 2007, I needed to go and I'm really glad I did. It was a pretty low turn out and as it happened, I'm kind of glad it was as many more people and things could have been far worse for mom. She was very confused and combative at times and things spiraled a bit out of control Sunday evening leaving us to believe she may have had a stroke (which I'm still not 100% convinced she didn't). After spending Monday in the ER and Tuesday at the doctor's office, they diagnosed her with Alzheimer's. We were shocked (well, I was more so than the others I think as I truly didn't think she had gotten that bad). I never dreamed things could change so quickly, but they did. She wasn't the mother that raised us and that can be quite the shocker.
We have much to learn and understand about this terrible disease and we are all committed to learn all we can and try to do our very best to be the best caregivers we can be. Unfortunately the day to day care will have to fall on Don, Amanda, and Paige as well as mom's sister and friends. Dawn and I living so far away makes it so hard for us to take some of the load off them, but I'm sure we will be the ones to take the biggest part of caregiving with Stacy when it comes to our parents here. I guess that's why the Lord ends up taking us in different directions at times. He knows there will come a time when we need to be divided to conquer in life. I truly believe this is what we are supposed to do with our parents.
I do pray there is a cure or better treatment for Alzheimer's soon. It is so hard to watch a parent (or anyone for that matter) deal with this horrible disease.
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