July 2, 2007

July 2, 2007 is a very significant date for me.  That marks the date that Chad "officially" signed his enlistment papers for the Marine Corps.  I was struggling yesterday for the first time on that date and for the first time I felt guilt.  I had not felt guilt on that date before and why it hit me like that yesterday is still a mystery to me.  I may never know why yesterday hit me like it did, but it was a very off day for me.  I sent Tebo an email and told him what the date was and he asked me if I wanted to do lunch and I said that would be nice.  We didn't discuss it or spend the lunch hour crying or anything like that.  In fact we didn't even discuss the date or Chad enlisting at all.  Instead we had a fairly quiet lunch and discussed new ideas and options for the Wings for Our Troops "In loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade" foundation.  It was just comforting to be sitting next to him and know that if I needed to cry I could.
Just before lunch I received a text message from a number I didn't have saved in my phone and it was 3 pictures of the Marine Memorial Hotel in San Francisco and there was a stone with Chad's name and information on it.  I replied with very nice and asked who it was.  Turns out it was one of his buddies in the Corps, Connell, and that made it mean even more.  I sent him a note and told him that they never cease to amaze me.  Just when I need to hear from one of them, boom, there they are. 
The day was sad for me all day.  I would tear up while working and just push through the tears and finished up my day and we bolted out right at 5:00 as we were meeting the builder to walk through our punch list at the house and I told Tebo once he was gone and we had dinner I was going to my favorite room in the house (the patio) and relax. 
Well, the builder showed up and we did our walk through and Tebo and I ate a light dinner and I grabbed a glass of wine and turned on my music and went to the patio.  I don't know what compelled me to go inside and grab a book that a friend of mine wrote and start reading it, but I did.  I completed the book last night crying throughout a large portion of the book.  There were so many emotions I did experience while reading it, but the biggest emotion was hurt for him.  It is a true story about the loss of his only child, Christopher.  He dedicated his book to several people obviously to his son Christopher, but also to others and he also included Chad.  I read the book and to my surprise there was a very large section at the end of the book that was devoted to Chad.  He took what was his very personal sorrow and loss and incorporated Chad to have him immortalized forever right there with his own son.  It's hard to explain in mere words what that meant to me, but hopefully one day I will be able to convey just how much it touched me.
Not only has he written about Chad within his own personal story, but once he sells 1,000 books he plans to donate 20% of the investment as well as the future sale of his book to our WFOT foundation.  Again, mere words just don't seem enough.  This book was for him and to help grieving parents find some peace and he managed to include Chad.  I'm just at a loss for words about this.
I would encourage you to read this book.  If you unfortuante to be a member of this "club" of parents that have lost a child, you should read it, but even if you have never lost a child, but either know someone who has or would just like an insight into what a parent goes through when they lose their child, this book will do that for you.  I think everyone should read it and everyone will walk away from this book with something different.  If you would like to purchase this book please go to http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781625108135 and purchase it.  It is very affordable and worth every penny.  The author (and father) is Glen M. Clark (I refer to him as LT) and his words will touch your very core.  Thank you LT for not only sharing your painful story, but for being so kind to include Chad as well as the foundation.  I know you didn't have to do that, but you did anyway and we thank you for that.
I made it through another "date" yesterday and while it was a hard day, I made it through and today is a bit better.  Tomorrow being July 4th and all the celebrations that will be going on, it's my hope and prayer that we all remember that without young men and women (like Chad) we couldn't be free to celebrate and enjoy time with our families so remember them all as you are watching fireworks and cooking out. 
Many of these men and women are still on the front lines risking their lives every day and there are many of them that are living as civilians today that are struggling and there are way too many families having to live without their child, spouse, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. so remember them as well.  One more thought, if you are with a Veteran over the 4th of July, please stop and think that the loud booms of fireworks could potentially stir emotion and fear in them so be thoughtful and caring enough to respect that.  We will never know what they had to experience in the combat zone so stop and give pause for a moment and think what it must be like for them during this holiday weekend.  Please and thank you.