Selfish

I feel the need to be selfish and feel a little sorry for myself right now.  Yes, it will pass and I will be fine, but just hearing the verdict on Casey Anthony just really has me pissed off right now!  I know only the person responsible for this innocent child's murder will ever really know the truth, but from what little I do know about this case I believe in my heart that Casey either is guilty of the murder of her child, participated, or has knowledge of her death.  It breaks my heart!  There are families in this world that would have loved to have little Caylee as their daughter and would have taken such good care of her if being a mother was a bother for Casey.  On the selfish side, I would give anything in this world to have my son back with me, but that can't happen.  I know a friend of mine would love to have his son back and I know my sister would give anything to have her daughter back and you have a family like this (who obviously has major issues all on their own) who carelessly just throws this precious little life away!  Really!  (scream)... There isn't one breath I take that I'm not wishing I could kiss Chad's head, or hug him, tell him I love him, smell him, brag on him, hear his voice, you name it and I'm thinking it and this "mother" is out partying and doesn't call police for 31 days after she goes missing.  Really!!!  If I went 24 hours without knowing where Chad was or if he was ok, I was calling him or Katie or his friends.  I just don't get it.  I really don't.  There is nothing anyone could ever tell me to help me get this.  I don't have a right to judge her, I truly know this, but it is so hard to sit here and know that there are people out there that have lost a child either at birth or after through all sorts of reasons (me included) that would give anything to have their babies again and then you have people like this.  I will just never get it.  I'm sorry little Caylee.  I know my Chadman, Jessica, Shep, and Christopher and many other precious kids are welcoming you and playing ring around the rosies with you and you deserved more than what you got, but at least one thing can give everyone in America that is outraged right now a little peace.  You will never have to hurt or feel neglected ever again.  I just want to cry!  I don't know what "justice" would have been, but it sure doesn't feel like this is it.  Love your babies as soon as you can get your arms around them and if you can't get your arms around them, but can call them, then call them.  If you are like me and others in this sad group and you can't do either of these things, when you get a chance close your eyes and see your baby in your heart and love them that way.  You can bet that I will be doing just that today a little more than normal for my Chad.  I just wish heaven wasn't so far away (as the song says), because that's right where I would be right now wrapping my arms not only around Chad, but every child up there, including little Caylee Anthony!  I apologize for venting like this today.  This verdict just really struck a nerve with me (as I'm sure it has most of the people in America) and I had to get it off my chest to prevent from exploding.