Have you ever wondered?

When is enough really enough?  I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend.  Friday would have been Chad's 24th birthday, it was Memorial Day weekend where we honor our fallen heroes (Chad happens to be one of many), my youngest sister had her chemo treatment on Tuesday after Memorial Day, and so on.  When is enough really enough for one family?  I'm not really having a pity party (well, maybe a little), but more than that I've had lots of quiet time on my hands (which I truly needed) and I've done some thinking.
We are really no different than other families that have had more than their share of sadness or loss.  It just seems a bit intensified lately, because there are so many "milestone" moments that hit all at once for us (as it would seem, to us).
So let me just talk/write out loud for a moment.  In 1996 our sister, Janet, passed away at 17 years old unexpectedly.  She had just become a Christian in December of 1995 and her birthday was the 27th of December.  She started writing amazing poetry and she even wrote one right before she passed away that almost predicted her early demise.  She passed away February 12, 1996 and we buried her on Valentine's Day.  Then in or around August of 1996 our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy and began an oral chemo pill.  If that wasn't enough, suddenly in September (Labor Day weekend to be exact) our niece (my sister, Paige's oldest daughter) came home from school with a note asking could she be having migraines.  Well, the odd thing about that was that the year prior Chad had been having migraines and they were treating him with a maintenance medicine to manage them so we thought, well, I guess she could be.  Well, Chad and I were driving the 2 hours from Gastonia, NC to Asheville, NC to help care for mom when Paige called and told me about Jessica.  I picked up Jorden and kept her so they could care for Jessica.  See, the doctors first thought she had the flu or something like that, but she wasn't getting any better.  Paige called me on Monday, Labor Day and told me she was like a zombie and she wouldn't respond to them.  I told her to get her in the car and I was on my way.  See, Jessica would normally respond to me if she wouldn't respond to her mom (she was at that age where we thought this was normal).  I got there and she didn't even respond to me and we knew then they had to get her to the hospital.  Long story short, she was diagnosed with brain cancer.  She was 8 years old.  She fought for 5 weeks before cancer won the battle.  We were all devastated, but obviously none more than Paige.  We had never really experienced this in our family before and didn't know how to deal with it.  Of course I wanted to "fix" everything.  What's interesting and important to know is that our sister, Stacy, moved from Memphis to live with Paige so she could care for Jessica so Paige could still work as much as she could.  Stacy stopped her entire life to do this and was happy to do it.  Paige was fortunate to have her there and I know it was a blessing to say the very least.  After Jessica passed away, Chad and I moved into Paige's house with her and her husband and Jorden.  I was worried about Paige and Chad was struggling with the loss of Jessica so it just seemed like the right thing to do.  We eventually moved into mom's house to help her sell the house and get her settled into something smaller and more manageable for her.  Fast forward a few years and we get to Chad enlisting into the Marine Corps.  We were proud and scared at the same time.  I asked him to give it 3 months (don't know why that timeline) and think about it and weigh all options.  He did just that.  After 3 months he told Tebo and I that he really wanted to enlist and we told him we would support him 100%.  We did.  He was getting ready for his first deployment and he called me and said "mom, I've met a girl".  We go back and forth about how he met her and this and that and he said, here, let me send you a picture of her.  He emailed the picture and I said, Chad, she is beautiful.  He was like, I know mom.  He said he was going to take her on a date when he was home for pre-deployment leave.  Now, you have to know that Chad never really had a girlfriend.  He was more interested in hunting, fishing, the guys, and what boys do.  He didn't really worry himself about girls (well except Charlene who he loved from afar)... I encouraged and supported him, but he fell hard!  When I say he fell hard, that is an understatement.  He saw her every chance he could while he was here for two weeks.  The week or so before he deployed he flew her to CA to spend a week with him and when he was ready to leave he called me and said, mom, take care of Katie and make sure she is ok while I'm gone.  Well, what do you think I did?  I took care of Katie.  I spent every minute with her I could and I basically courted her for him.  Then I get the call that he wants to propose to her.  I told him to sleep on it and call me tomorrow (which was always my answer) and he did and he was serious.  I said ok, you tell me what you want me to do.  He wanted me to pick out different rings and send them to him to pick from so I did.  He picked it out and I made arrangements to get it purchased and sent to the house.  Ok, now think about this for a moment.  My only child goes off to war, gets engaged all at one time.  I'm a bit overwhelmed, but all I could think about was making sure he was happy and had what he wanted.  They were going to get married in December when he was on Christmas leave.  I'm thinking, ok, that could be doable.  Then 4 weeks before he was to come home from Iraq he calls and says they decided to get married when he got home.  I said, Chad, that is only 4 weeks away....  His response?  "If anyone can do it, you can momma bear".  Well, what do you do with that?  You pull off a wedding and reception in 4 weeks.  We did.  He got home and a week later got married.  It was a beautiful wedding and yes, I cried a lot, but it wasn't because I was sad he was getting married.  It was a lot of things.  My baby boy had just been to war and seen things he shouldn't have to see at his age, he had a girl in his life for the first time that was not me, he got married!  He was now a married man!  He left for CA about a week later (or less) and Katie and I helped her get prepared to join him.  It came quicker than any of us expected and there he was, a husband.  He was a great husband too.  I asked him one day how he learned to be such a great husband when it was just he and I for so long.  He said, from you mom.  I was taken back a moment and truly didn't know what to say, but it was the best compliment he could have given me.  Then came pre-deployment for Afghanistan.  We got them home for 11 days and I took every day of vacation I had available and made sure I was home when he was home.  I have to say it was the most amazing visit we've ever had.  He spent more time at home that visit than he ever had before.  We spent time at BoBo and Nana's and hugged me a lot that visit.  I was in heaven (I won't lie).  I had told Tebo several times that I didn't have a good feeling about this deployment and he would never say anything, but encouraging things to me.  I took them to the airport and Katie went to the bathroom for a minute and I had time with him alone and I asked him if he was scared.  He said yeah a little, but I'm prepared mom.  I said, I'm scared too, but I will take care of Katie.  He said thanks mom.  I need you to do that.  I did.  I called her every day and we talked multiple times a day.  I told her I was available any time day or night.  Then December 1, 2010 came and our lives changed forever!  He was gone.  I couldn't believe it.  I didn't want to believe it.  He was my heart.  It was always just me and him until I married Tebo, how would I go on?  We get through that for basically a year and a few months and my little sister, Stacy gets diagnosed with breast cancer.  Really?  She is 36 years old and she has to fight this disease?  Why not me Lord?  I didn't pray, I begged God to give it to me and not her.  I could handle it and if it was stronger than me then I could join Chad sooner than later, but not her.  She has two babies that need her and a husband that loved her.  Our parents didn't deserve to watch their child go through this like my other sister had to do.  It wasn't fair.  Well, it was real and it was what it was and she started the fight.  She has done really well.  She will have her last chemo treatment on June 11th and will then have a double mastectomy and partial hysterectomy and have her lymph nodes removed.  6 months after that and radiation she will have reconstructive surgery and it's our hope and prayer that she will be rid of this horrible disease once and for all.  I just don't know how much more one family can take.  It's not that I think we deserve more or better, I just don't know when enough will be enough.  It's been tough.  I know there are others that have it harder than us, but it certainly feels like we are all being tested in ways I never thought we would have to be.  We have a strong family and we all have our own personal close circle of friends that we lean on, but we are ready for a break.  I don't know about the rest of my family, but I'm ready to have a little break and some good news for a change.  It's about time I think.
If you are reading this and you are a prayer warrior, I'm asking that you add my family, especially my sister, Stacy, to your prayer list.  We need a break from sadness and pain and finally see that things are turning around for our family.  I don't want to continue watching my sister go through this cancer fight.  I want her to see her kids grow up, graduate, go to college, get married, have children.... all the stuff we expect to see in our life time.  So I'm asking (just short of begging) for prayers for our family.  I know this is a pretty unconventional way of asking, but it's the best way I know how at this time.  My heart hurts and it's not just for myself, but for my whole family.  We need a blessing and a miracle for a change.  I have another sister in Asheville, Amanda, that just had gallbladder surgery today, another sister, Paige, that had some skin cancer surgery, and honestly, I don't know how much more my parents can take.  Just pray...  That's really all we need right now.  Please and thank you.