Weighing on my mind...

You know, as parents we go through quite a bit with and for our children, but as women I think we go through this a little more (nothing against our men), but I think sometimes we feel deeper and more with the heart. For instance, for me, it hurts my heart to feel like our kids don't always think about us like we think of them. I know they have their own lives and they should, but once in a while it would be nice to get that phone call for no reason. It even bothers me when my husband's kids don't call or write him. Why in the world do these things bother women? I've got so many things on my mind lately. My son's deployment, my sister having to go through the anniversary dates again, my niece adjusting to college, not knowing how one nephew is due to never hearing from them, my youngest niece's lip, my bonus kids, parents' health, my bonus family. So many things that seem to consume my thoughts most of the time. Wanting to make sure all our family is happy and healthy and really having no control of any of it. It weighs on my mind more some days than others, but it is never gone. I am so fortunate to have the family and life I have and I am so grateful and then I feel guilty for worrying about things. It's not so much worry as much as just stuff on my mind. I think as women we tend to take on more of that kind of stuff than most men do and I guess that's the way the Lord wants us to be. I just keep thinking eventually it will get easier not to worry about our kids or to adjust to this "new normal" we have, but I haven't quite figured out when that time will come. Probably once I've fallen into complete dementia and can't remember I'm suppose to be fretting over them. Ha! I know that is no joking matter, but sometimes I think that is what it will take for me to relax when it comes to our kids and family. Of course, any time we have any of our children in harms way (i.e. war, sickness, etc.) we will always fret and worry. I love the Lord and I know he is in complete control of our lives and I pray for our children and family constantly, but there is something human about holding on to a part of that worry even though you try to give it to the Lord. Giving it is truly one thing and truly leaving it with him is another thing. I don't know why that is or how to change that, but I know that's how I feel today at this moment. Maybe I'm feeling a bit nostalgic with deployment coming soon, who knows, but that is how I'm feeling at the moment.