To another year

Well, despite me thinking differently, I did survive to see a new year.  When the events of December 1, 2010 occured you could not have convinced me that I would still be on this earth and breathing let alone make it through 2 full years with no Chad.  I have to say that year 2 was much harder than year 1 for me.  I don't really understand why except that I was terribly sick and still felt like I was going through my daily routine in a fog and barely aware of my surroundings. 
There has been a lot going on with the rest of my family during these two years.  My youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36.  She went through chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and now looking forward to her reconstruction surgery.  One set of parents had issues with their hearts and the other set of parents were dealing with their own illnesses.  It seems like it's been one thing after another and it's left little room for feeling sorry for myself (not that I didn't have the occasional pity party).
The parents seem to be on the mends and my sister is kicking cancers butt! 
Now that things have (well as much as possible) settled and relaxed a bit, I'm left with all these overwhelming emotions of what to do with myself (emotionally) now. 
Tebo and I decided we would attempt to sell our house and purchase one that had a bonus room rather than add on to our current home.  With interest rates so low and the cost of purchasing a house still pretty low, we thought we would give it a try.  We have had a lot of traffic with ours, but no offers.  Our realtor is confident she will sell our house this year, but I'm hoping she has more confidence than I do, because I've certainly had my doubts off and on.  It could be that I'm still a bit torn as to what I really want to do.  Chad was with us when we bought that house.  He had his graduation party there as well as a going away party when he enlisted and we held his wedding reception in that house.  We celebrated what would turn out to be his last Christmas on this earth in that house and I'm struggling with whether or not I can say goodbye.  It's just a house.  I know all the memories will go with me to a new house, but there is still a huge part of me struggling with letting it go.
If someone makes us an offer on our home and we take it then I know I will be fine.  One thing that will certainly help is Tebo's suggestion of us making a room just for Chad so it feels like he always has a place there.  I can put his bat behind his closet door as he has done since I can remember and I would be able to put certain things in there that will make it feel like his room.  That does give me some comfort as weird as that may sound.
I have seen love and support from people that I never really spent much time with before and I have felt blessed over this last two years from the outpouring of love and encouragment from family and friends and now new friends.  It truly restores something in you when you see this much kindness being shared.
Our foundation Wings for Our Troops "in loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade" has done amazingly!  We sent our 2nd soldier home right before Christmas this past year and it was an amazing feeling to know she had just returned home from Afghanistan and when she had trouble getting home she reached out to us (well her family did) and we were successful in getting her home just in time for Christmas.  It was a rush situation and because our advisory board is so amazing we were able to get approval and move things along very quickly.  It was a blessing to see how quickly they were on board and willing to do whatever we needed to to get her home.
I would like to think that we would have no reason for WFOT foundation any longer, but I don't suspect that will be the case.  We will still be deploying our military to war zones for quite some time to come and it is our honor to have the opportunity to send these young men and women home before and/or after deployment.  It's been ironic really that both we sent home were at Christmas time.  The time of year that I've struggled with since 2010 for the last two years has been when we were fortunate enough to be able to send a Marine and Soldier home to be with their loved ones and all in Chad's memory.  That certainly gives me a new outlook on what tends to be a gloomy time of year for me.  I'm not usually one to believe in signs and things like that, but it does cause me to pause and think, maybe Chad is trying to tell me something.... Hmmmm....
Anyway, it is a good feeling to know that our foundation is helping other families and giving them the chance to make amazing memories with their marine/soldier. 
As hard as the last two years have been, we've been so fortunate to really feel love and support from so many. 
Thank you to all who have played a roll in helping us navigate through these rough waters and I hope you all have a very blessed 2013!