Boyett Babble Time: Missing him

There truly isn't a moment in my life (asleep or awake) that Chad isn't on my mind. It's literally a constant and very natural thing for him to truly be on my mind 24/7. He always was before he died so it just makes sense that he would be now. I struggle not to call his phone and tell him about something I know he will find cool or interesting. I miss those calls I would get on his way home from work or in the middle of the day when I would answer the phone and he would say "hello momma bear" and I would say "hello son". Then our conversation would start. At some point in almost every conversation I would hear him laugh and tell me I was so gay (in other words a nerd)... :) I miss those comments from him. It breaks my heart.
I miss his smell and his hugs. I miss telling him to pull his pants up and watch him pull them up just to watch them fall again. Bless his heart he had no booty, but they would have stayed up better had he bought the right size instead of two sizes too big. Ha! BOYS!
I miss his calls asking my opinion on something. It could be something as small as should I pay a bill off early or keep paying each month to "mom, should I deploy or stay behind". I miss them all. Most of all I miss that deep down laugh he would do and how excited he could sound (very rarely) like when I told him about his Peyton Manning signed picture. The most thrilling and now saddest last phone call you could ever have.
I just miss him. I miss everything about him. Yes, I have amazing bonus kids and I can't imagine not having them especially now, but it's not the same as having my son.
I know Tebo and the rest of my family miss him too and I know his friends and Marine Corps buddies miss him. I love seeing how much he was loved, but I would love even more to have another day with him. Another day to tell him I love him and give him a hug. One more day to tell him to please stop dipping and don't smoke. Another chance to tell him to wear his seat belt and don't speed. I want another chance to ask him how his day was and when I will see him again. Both our phone calls from Afghanistan were cut short and before I could tell him I love him. I had told Tebo I was going to tell him I love him first off the bat the next time he calls, but unfortunately we got the knock at the door before I got that next phone call. I will never forget that I didn't get to tell him I loved him one more time. I know he knows it, but there is something about being able to tell him yourself. I miss that.
If you have someone in your life (especially a child) tell them as often as you can (even if you don't think they want to hear it) that you love them. Send it in a text if you have to since that is what they respond most to these days, but regardless how you do it, just make sure you do. It's a terrible feeling to not have that chance again expect in a prayer or sitting at the cemetery. I hate that feeling more than words can ever express.
I love you Chad and I miss you more than I will ever be able to express with mere words. Until I see you again, Love momma bear.