Feeling sorry for myself

Is exactly what I've been doing this week.  It actually seemed to start on Saturday.  I was fine all morning and the moment I got in the car and found myself alone with my thoughts and my country music I started crying.  I got to my sister's house and I was fine.  The moment I got in the car again and was alone with my thoughts and my country music, again the tears started.  Now I could probably blame the country music, but that wouldn't be fair to the country music industry.  It's just that when I'm around others and staying busy I do pretty well.  The moment I am alone my mind starts wondering and I start really missing Chad and all the things he never got to experience yet.  Then I start feeling sorry for myself.  I know, I'm entitled to that once in a while and I know I can't stay there, but it tends to frustrated me lately to get like that.  It's almost like I've picked up this feeling that I really can't explain.  Sometimes it feels like anger and other times it's just overwhelming sadness.  I can't really explain it so I guess it's a good thing I don't really have to, because I don't think I would have the words.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do, but jot down your thoughts in a journal or on a blog.  That's truly what I would rather do than try to explain my heart to anyone. 
I did have a moment of, ugh, last night.  Tebo and I were talking about getting all our paper work in order in the event anything were to happen to us and I found myself saying (yes, out loud) that I didn't have anyone to leave anything to except you (talking to Tebo) and then it dawned on me, I really didn't have anyone to leave my belongings to that would have any real sentimental value (a biological child or grandchildren that is).  It was just hard once the words were out loud to realize the truth to that statement.  There are things I have saved that mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me and Chad and I know that and of course the nature progression of life you would expect your child to just end up with those things one day.  Well, we know life doesn't always take the natural progression that we expect it will and then you find yourself having the conversation Tebo and I had last night.
It is heartbreaking to say the very least, but again, it's life and the cards we've been dealt and I just have to get past this time that I find my emotions in lately. 
Good grief, why can't just cleaning my baseboards do the trick for this?  Geez!  I am finding that now that we are getting our floors finished up and I'm in the process of replacing all the things we removed from the rooms that I have this overwhelming need to purge things again.  It's like I feel like if I just really "clean house" and de-clutter rooms it will somehow miraculously make me feel better.  Realistically I know that won't be the case, but maybe it will help with a little cleaning therapy along the way.  I guess we will see.