Just in case you were wondering

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (I know, I'd be scared too) about how lucky I am even with our recent tragedy.  I do have a lot to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful husband that truly treats me like a princess (mainly because I will never be old enough to be a queen) and I don't really feel I do anything special to deserve it, but he does it anyway.  We just have a great relationship and I feel so blessed for that.  I could not be going through losing my son without him and I know that.  I have a great family.  We are close and yes we fight, there can be drama, and sometimes we drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day we love each other and we can count on each other when the chips are down.  I have fabulous friends.  I was never one to really have a lot of girlfriends growing up.  My interests just weren't what most girls liked then and I really wasn't sure I would ever have more than my one BFF, but luck would have it that I can proudly say that now I am blessed with many friends and most of them are women (who would have thunk it).  I have amazing bonus kids through Tebo.  They care and they are living very full and happy lives and that is really all we as parents can ask for, right?  I have my bonus kids through the USMC that will never be far from my heart and I have the most precious memories of my sweet son.  We have an amazing foundation we are getting off the ground and it's our hope and prayer that it will make huge differences in people's lives nation wide.
Oh yes, I could focus on those negative things and the bad that's happened, but is it going to bring my son back?  No.  Will it offer anything positive, none that I can think of.  So as I was thinking about things this week (after a really weepy and angry week) and decided that it was time to take control of my emotions.  Trust me, I know I will have more weepy weeks and I pray I have no more angry feelings, because between me and you, I don't like that emotion one little bit.  I think I can embrace those weepy weeks next time a little better than I did last week (I hope) and I will just get through them, but I don't want to forget how lucky I am.
I am meeting new people (while sometimes just through my blog, emails, snail mail, etc.), but still meeting new people every day that want to get involved with the foundation or just offering support and encouragement.  That's big.  I think we as human beings sometimes get a bad rap (sp?) of being too busy to really care or just don't want to be bothered, but that has not been my experience.  Again, I've been very lucky.
So in case you were wondering, I'm okay.  I'm not OKAY, but I'm okay.  I miss my son with every breath I take and I know that will never go away.  I don't really know what my "new normal" is yet, but I'm getting there with every day that passes, but I do know that feeling all the love, care, and support that I have gotten and continue to get helps.  I'm not needy and I would still be fine without it all, but it is nice and I do appreciate how lucky I am.  I would imagine that sadly there could be people out there going through similar situations (which I know there are too many going through this right now) that might not be getting as much of all that as I am, but I pray not.  So I do consider myself very lucky. 
With each day that passes I have to believe that my "new normal" will be revealed to me and I will have the know how to navigate through them.  Until then I will do what my husband told me from Dec. 1, 2010; just one breath at a time babe, that's all you can do.  He was right.  That really is all we can do.