Ready or Not

Well, it's official!  We have an accepted offer on our house and we have an accepted offer on a new one.  I'm feeling very odd about this move for some reason.  I can't seem to get my head around anything other than the logistics of the actual move.  I feel torn, Tebo and I moved into that house New Year's Eve 2005 and Chad moved in with us.  He lived there for 2 years with us before enlisting into the Marine Corps.  There were 3 things I've never changed or moved since we moved in.  One was his ball cap ceral bowl I ordered for him when he was about 2 years old and it still sits on the top shelf above all other dishes in the kitchen cabinet.  The second is his baseball bat he placed behind his closet door the day we moved in.  Yes, I will place it in "his" room at the new house, but it isn't like he put it there (I just know that is what he would do first thing).  The third (as odd as this will sound) is the soap I was suppose to use when washing his hunting clothes.  It's such a big deal that when I packed up the laundry room that was the first thing I grabbed and put in the box.  Now, I will NEVER use this again, but knowing it is there when he was so adamant that I use only that with those clothes that I've never been able to get rid of it.  These are such silly things I know, but to me they feel huge.  I'm fortunate enough that Tebo packed up the window seat in the front room that had all Chad's USMC stuff in it so I didn't have to go through it and relive all that right now.  I have his room picked out in the new house and that does make me feel some better, but it will be so different.  This will be the first house ever that I have lived in without Chad.  I don't know how I feel about this.  I can see good and bad from this experience.  Yes, it starts a new chapter and maybe some memories won't sting as badly in a new place, but those memories are still there 24/7 and while in some ways it might be good, there are many things that make me feel very anxious and not in a good way.
I know I have loving support from family and friends that will help navigate this new territory, but I can honestly say that I am very overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.  Anxiety on how I will readjust my life to these new surroundings and fear of leaving something comfortable and familiar like our house is today.  I know it's just a house (a structure), but Chad graduated high school in that house, he enlisted in the Marine Corps in that house, he got married and had the reception in that house, and that's where we lived when the dreaded doorbell rang.  I have a lot to sort through my mind with all this and I pray the Lord gives me peace and soon.  I don't like these crazy out of control feelings rushing through my mind.  Ugh!  Change has never been easy for me, but this one might just take the cake.