14 more days

We have 14 more days before we will be living in a new house.  I won't lie, I'm scared to death.  My heart feels like it is being shredded into a million pieces every time I think about moving to this new house.  The first time in 24 years I've ever moved without Chad physically being with us.  I don't know how I will handle all this change, but I know I will figure out a way.
I have Chad's room picked out and basically know how I will decorate it and set it all up.  I have the plan to take his baseball bat into his room first and put it behind his closet door like he always did, but that gives me no comfort in this situation.  It doesn't make me feel he is there and it doesn't make me feel more comfortable with this change.
We will be leaving the first house we lived in as a family with Tebo.  We will be leaving the memory of having his graduation party there and his wedding reception there.  We will be leaving our Chad tree in the front yard and the memorial stone and flag at the entrance of the neighborhood.  We will be leaving his room and where he called home before enlisting into the Marine Corps in 2007.  Those things are going to be hard not to have around every corner in the new house. 
I do believe that sometimes change is good and maybe I should welcome this change with more open arms, but honestly, I can't seem to find a way to do that right now. 
I'm happy we are getting a house that we really wanted and we love, but getting fresh start doesn't seem like "the right thing" to do right now.  I know I don't have to worry about Chad coming back and not knowing where we live (I know that isn't going to happen).  I know I don't have to worry about forgetting Chad or the memories we shared in that house as I know we take those with us.  What I will be leaving behind are the gentle reminders that he WAS there!  The little stains on the wall that I know he put there.  The countless times he would remind me to use his no-scent soap to wash his hunting clothes.  The nights I would stay up and pace from the living room to his bedroom waiting on him to get home as he was late for curfew.  Walking into the garage and remembering the baby skunk he and Tebo lead out of the garage with bread crumbs and it literally walking over Chad's toes to get out of the garage and Chad's face and the fact that he actually didn't breathe for a few minutes as that was taking place.  All these things are memories, yes, however, those little reminders of seeing a spot he stood in or his bedroom and remembering the talks we had or me screaming that his alarm has been going off for an hour and he never heard it.  Those things will not be in this new house.  Chad has never physically walked into this house or given his opinion of the floor plan.  Those things are hard for me.  I know they seem silly and faily unimportant, but to me that is really all I feel I have left. 
I'm certain these feelings will fade and I will get more and more comfortable in the new house and eventually it will feel like "home".  I worry how long it might take me to get to that point and the closer we get to our moving date the more anxious I become about it all. 
14 more days and my "new normal" becomes "new" again.  I don't mind saying that I think "new normals" are highly overrated for me.