Well, Tebo and I are embarking on another "new" chapter in our life. I won't lie, I'm struggling in ways I really can't even put into words. We are in the process of potentially selling our current home and buying another one. The things that have tripped me up have nothing to do with the house itself or the neighbors or neighborhood, it's a bat. You read that correctly, a bat. Let me explain.
Since Chad was about 4 years old he has always placed a bat either behind his bedroom door or behind his closet door. All he ever said to me about it was it was for protection. :) Well, when Trevor moved into Chad's room while Chad was in boot camp I wouldn't let him remove the bat. He never asked questions why, he just agreed to leave it there. When Tia moved into Chad's room we had basically the same conversation, but she (being a girl) asked and I told her the history behind it and she was more than gracious enough to leave the bat there. Well, now we are potentially moving and that bat has to be moved. I didn't even have to explain to Tebo, he just somehow knew I was struggling. He so sweetly told me he thought we needed to have a Chad room. He said you can put his bat behind the door and whatever else you feel needs to be in that room and that can just be your Chad room. I have to say, that has helped tremendously, but for some reason I am really having a hard time and it is actually pissing me off, because I really have no reason for this to be so hard. My anxiety is really very silly when I take a step back and look at the big picture, but none the less, I'm struggling.
I actually feel like my struggle is keeping me from truly opening my heart and mind for a new house. I hate feeling like this, but I also hate feeling like we are in limbo and that's exactly what it feels like right now.
We have people pretty interested in our house so we need to be prepared in the event we sell ours quickly and I'm not there yet.
If you are reading this, all I need are a few extra prayers. I know I will get through this bump in the road and things will work out just as they are suppose to, but right now it feels terribly out of control and very uneasy and I just need to get a little peace and relax.
Prayers for you always! I know this sounds crazy but have you thought of having some professional pictures of the bat behind the door, so you can always remember how he left it?
ReplyDeleteThis blog reminds me of a poem...
ReplyDeleteI can feel the tension building,
Our team's down by three -
Bases are loaded, it's in the ninth inning,
The batter stands there like a tree.
His steady eyes pierce the man on the mound,
Fierce concentration cuts all of the sound.
He plants his feet, sure of his might,
His grip on the bat, knuckles white.
He takes the first strike, high inside corner,
The second pitch flew - a wicked chin burner.
He could feel the wind but never flinched,
The next curved towards his knees,
They moved not an inch.
A hysterical crowd now wants to see blood -
The noise drowns his brain
Like a powerful flood.
His gut says the pitcher's fast ball will end it,
And when it comes, he'll know where to send it.
His anger whipped the bat around -
A deafening crack, right to the mound.
But it was up and away,
A four run homer that saved the day!
Chadman has ALWAYS been a four run homer...his bat is merely one piece of his legacy! Move it forward, Sister, I am certain that is exactly what he would want you to do!
I love you and keep you two in my prayers!!! I'm proud of you!
I like the Chad room idea that was so very sweet. You will make the right decision sis, you always do, no matter where you lay your head you will always have your memories... I know you will get throught this and I pray for you everyday!!!! All my love sis
ReplyDelete