Things no one tells you about being a parent

There are so many things that our parents and other "experienced" parents tell us about parenthood.  You know the classics like; you won't sleep much the first couple of years of their lives (however, they never explain the level of exhaustion you will actually experience, probably because over the years that has faded a touch), they will try your patience, you will get back all you gave us, you will pay for your raising, I hope you get back all you gave us....  You know, all the things your parents and closed loved ones so lovingly give you.
Some of the things they don't tell you (maybe some because they want to see the surprise on your face when you experience it for the first time and some might be they never experienced)...  They don't truly tell you that this will be the first time in life that you will truly understand the true meaning of "worry" and "fear".  I thought once he could walk, talk, dress himself, goes to school for the first time and survives, etc. that my worry would lessen.  Oh my, was I wrong.  Then you, have after grade school, roller blades (a whole other worry in itself), turning 16 and driving (wholly cow!), graduation from high school.  Once they graduate high school one would think ("think") this would help the worry, not so fast.  An entire different worry starts.  You worry if they will ever work somewhere that gives them benefits and vacation and a decent salary.  You worry if they will live at home forever (or that they won't'), you worry about their hearts getting broken.  Will they marry someone that will love you and accept you for who you are and accept the life long relationship you've already created with your child. Were they truly listening when I tried to teach them how to clean a bathroom, pay bills, clean their room (now house), do they remember I'm mom/dad and do they remember that I still love them and do they still love us the same way?
Then comes the next huge step in their lives.... A career that takes them to a new state, enlist in the military, etc.  Well, I can only talk to my experience so I will share that instead of a long "could have been or what if" scenario.
Talk about fear, your parents/family/friends don't explain how you would feel when your only child comes to you (during war time) and says he wants to be a Marine.  The amount of fear and pride that fills your entire being.  They don't explain the way your heart will feel when you watch your only child board a bus with a bunch of other Marine recruits to board a plane and head for California.  They certainly don't explain or tell you how it feels to receive those first few letters from boot camp with your child wanting to come home and you can't go get him/her.  They don't tell you that you will have to exercise your "tough love" techniques as often as you and how hard that will be.  Let me tell you, when your child (especially your only child) is begging you to come get him/her and get them out of the situation they find themselves in, they don't tell you how your heart will be ripped inside and out!
When your child deploys overseas for the first time, they don't tell you how hard it will be to trust and have faith in God that he truly is protecting and taking care of your child (regardless how much you pray).  They don't truly explain to you how you will feel when your child marries for the first time (let alone never having had a girlfriend before) and how you don't know what you role in your child's life will be now.  Oh no, they don't explain fully how that feels or what that does to your heart.
Then when your child deploys again for the last time and you are the mom and not the wife.... they don't tell you how it feels to not be number one any longer.  Then the day comes when you get the doorbell (especially with uniformed Marines) rings and you are told your child will not be coming home.  They don't tell you the ache you have and the way your heart will break.  They don't tell you that kind of stuff.  Sure they try to explain it is the biggest responsibility you will ever have and you will have to care for that child for the rest of your life and they try to tell us that we will know a different kind of worry.  IF I had the chance to talk to my son today and before he had children I think I would tell him these things....  (I think)
Oh wait, I believe my parents tried.... They may not have known what it was like to lose a child then, but now that I think about it I do believe they tried to tell me (as much as I would listen) how life would be different being married and with children.  How my life would change and it would be expensive, etc.  However, I don't remember the heart being a huge part of the conversation.  The physical and financial part, absolutely!  I know my parents tried to explain that to me and I do believe I was somewhat ready for how that part of it would be.  What I wasn't ready for is how much my heart would play a role in being a mom.  Let alone being a single mom for so long and building this amazing relationship with this young man and never having to share him with another woman until he got married.  I never knew you could love and ache for someone that much.
Parents, if you get the chance to talk to your child before he/she gets married and/or has a child, tell them the good and the bad and especially the scary.  It will most likely not change their mind or course in life, but at least they won't be able to come back one day and say, no one ever told me it would be like this.
If you have parents that are fortunately to never have lost a child, give them my information and let me talk to them about how it will feel should they ever lose that child.
They will most likely not listen anymore than myself or others out there, but at least they will know someone tried to warn them.
There is no worse feeling than knowing you were not able to protect your child when they needed you most.  I was lucky enough to have two sets of parents that did everything in this world to protect me.  I did all I knew I could to protect mine as well, but unfortunately there wasn't much I could do against the Taliban and war.  I offered many times to him and his buddies to take their place over there.  I would have in a second, but since I wasn't given that option I am left to live with the idea that I wasn't able to protect my child.  That's hard as a parent.  Has anyone told you that before?  It's hard being a parent.  There is no book, there are no short cuts.  There is heartache and fear and worry.
Someone asked me one time about Chad's death.  I said you know, this is the first time since he was asleep in his bed in MY house that I didn't worry about him.  He is in heaven awaiting my arrival and he is way better than I am today.  There is some comfort in that.  Would I give my life to have him back and allow him to live his life?  You better believe in less than a second I would.  I'm not fortunate enough to have that option.  Instead, I have to live the remainder of my days wishing I had my son back and wondering what it would be like to see him have children and watch him continue being a great husband and son.  I can live with that as long as I make sure I am honest with anyone I come in contact with that might be ready to start having children.
Your worry and sleepless nights don't stop when they learn to sleep all night or grow up and move out. Nope, this will be your "new normal" for the rest of your life the moment you find out you will be a parent.
It's the most amazing and scary thing you will ever experience and more than that, it's absolutely the most rewarding gift you will ever receive.
Would I do motherhood over again if I could (with Chad), you better believe in a heartbeat I would.  Would I give my life to have him back, hell yeah!  Would I trade anything in this world for having him (no matter how long), NEVER!
I was fortunate enough to get blessed with Chad (and a blessing he truly was) and I would never give anything for that experience.  I long for him daily (hourly) and I would give my life in a moment for him, but the rest of the days the Lord feels fit for me to remain on this earth will be spent missing my son and so grateful for every moment I had with him.
Never take the words of wisdom from people that love and care for you for granted.  Sometimes we don't want to hear the negative or less attractive part of being a parent, but know this, it will be the hardest more trying and most amazing time of your life and it will certainly last a life time.  You don't get to stop being a parent because your children hit 18 years old and/or move out.  You will be that parent and have those worries until they day you no longer take a breath on this earth.