I try every day, well, every minute of every day to be strong and positive. Some days are a little easier than others and some days I really wish I could stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I will admit that there are days that I find it very difficult to put a smile on my face or even get out of bed, but I know I don't have a choice. Well, I guess I have a choice, but I choose to continue on each day and do my best not to let December 1, 2010 define who I am.
Truth is, December 1, 2010 did change me. It changed me forever. I will never get "over" what happened, but I can keep moving forward. It does help to have the family I have and the friends that feel like family. I am blessed more than I feel I deserve with a wonderful husband that without him I don't think I could be as far as I am today. I truly owe him everything for helping me through this like he has so far. My family is just freaking amazing. They support me and just stand by when I just need them there, but no words and they understand when I'm having one of those days when I just don't want anyone around, but I always know they are right there should I change my mind. I have bonus kids from Tebo that just at the right moment send me an email or a text message just telling me they love me or just to say hey. I have friends that just understand when it's a good time to push and when they should just step back and let me breathe. I have my bonus boys (and their wives) that just at the perfect time send me a text that just says "hey momma bear, how are you?" I don't know many people in this world that have what I've been blessed with. I'm a very lucky person. I'm sad, yes... I miss my son so much that at times I truly believe I could die of a broken heart, yes... BUT, I have every reason in the world to continue getting up each and every day to honor Chad and continue a work that has begun in his name and help as many of our military men and women as we possibly can and right now that has to be enough for me. Some days the reasons I have mentioned above are the only reason I get out of bed in the mornings, but as long as there continues to be a reason then it's all good. I've got this! I may not like it and I may not want it, but I've got this. I don't have it alone (trust me, I know this all too well), but with all my loved ones by my side, I've got this! I'm like the little engine that could.... Instead of I think I can, it's I will! I love you Chadman and that will never change as long as I take my next breath! I LOVE YOU!
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| Mom and Son |
We all will ALWAYS be here for you and with you every step of the way. You are such a wonderful person with a wonderful husband and I'm so happy that you have him. We love you both more than words can say. I promise you that your baby boy is so very proud of his momma bear. We all are! We love you so much!
ReplyDeleteThank you Dar! Love you too.
ReplyDeleteIt comes in waves, doesn't it? Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I miss Shep. I miss Neal. I have to remind myself to get out of bed, brush my teeth, get dressed. And I can be so down on a sunny day and so motivated to be the best on a rainy day. It just comes in waves. You're right...you will never get over it. The best you can hope is to get through it and to become a more resilient person and to find a way to honor Chad's memory. And you are doing all of those things. I could tell you how proud I am of you, but sometimes, when it comes in waves, it just doesn't matter. What matters is what life has served you and sometimes the unfairness of it all will take your breath away. You know if I don't hear from you fairly regularly, I will stalk you down. And you know that you are not alone. And we know that sometimes you just need a minute...or a day...or a week. We are right beside you doing the best we can to support and love you and lift you up. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou've come so far so fast. You're doing such good things, not only to honor Chad but to help others just because the need it. And I am so very proud of you and proud to be a part of it. I'm not sure if Chad really knew the character of the woman that is his mom, but it's easy for us to see where he got his from. Love you, Sis.
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