Speaking from the heart

You know, I've really had something on my mind lately (right along side my baby boy) that has caused me lots of sleepless nights so I thought I would write down my thoughts on here and maybe it will help me put it to rest and get some rest myself. If you already know me you know this (so you could skip this part if you like). :) When I love, I really love and I love big and I love forever. I'm a bit (not sure the best word to describe this) overbearing when it comes to my family. What I mean by that is I want to know they are all okay. I want to know when they have arrived safely wherever they might be going (home, work, vacation, etc.). I want to make sure they are happy and if there is something I can do to help them be happier or just fulfilled, then I want to do whatever I can to help them with this. I'm not one that can turn my back on someone no matter what. I am a very forgiving person and I really do try each and every day to live my life in a way that when I do lay my head down at night I have no regrets about how I treated someone or acted that day. I don't always achieve this, but I do strive to do so each day. When someone says good-bye, it hurts. I know some times in life it is necessary to bid good-bye, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I'm adjusting and I'm continuing each day to just be okay with decisions like that, but I have to say that I am slow at accepting them. Change is never easy for anyone really, but it tends to be especially hard for me at times. I guess this is one of those times. I guess sometimes it's the good-byes that help us with the next hello. I don't know, but that seems a much more positive way to view the situation and I would much rather see the positive side of things than the negative. Maybe I'm just trying to talk myself into be okay with things, I'm not really sure. I just know that a hole in my heart got a little bigger and I was really hoping for the opposite to happen. Hmmmm... could this be yet another learning experience for me? Another way to teach me to be patient and have faith (true faith)? Makes me wonder. I know I can't dwell on the negative things or things that really don't make a lot of sense to me so I'm working on not doing that, but I have to say, some days it's easier to do that than others. There is one thing that does come to mind when I get to that place where I find myself trying to figure it all out that the bible does teach us that we are not to be a stumbling block for others. Could it be that I was a stumbling block? Hmmmm... that certainly could make sense and also put another positive spin on the situation at hand and if that is the case I'm glad for this outcome. Thank you self for making me see things from a different perspective. I've been dwelling too long now on what I may have done differently, better, less, etc. to have maybe gotten a different outcome, but maybe this is the results that needed to happen to help someone else out. Okay, I can potentially live with that. We may not always like or understand how things end up in life, but one thing is for sure, we can't control it. We can only control how we react/respond to it. I would like to think I do a decent job of responding rather than reacting to uncomfortable things. I'm not great at it, but I do work hard each and every day to do better about pausing and responding rather than knee jerk reacting. I am still very much a work in progress in this area, but I continue to try and that's really all any of us can do. Sorry for the "babbling" today, but I really needed to get my thoughts out of my head. Ahhhhh... I think I might feel a little better already. :) I still don't completely understand it all, but I am feeling a bit better.