Like I've said before, Memorial Day weekend is a hard one for me for obvious reasons, but also because Chad's birthday is today (May 25th). Talk about an ocean of emotion.
I was a single mom for most. Of Chad's life on earth. His father and I divorced before he was four years old and while I did remarry at one point before Tebo, I was still very much a single mom with no help from either man with anything. It was always just me and Chad. I was lucky to have great friends and a wonderful family so if I needed something they were there, but raising him, it was all me. Turns out, I wouldn't trade that for all the money in this world.
Chad and I were very close. I could be suffocating at times (I can own it), but I spent every moment of every day trying to protect him and make sure he had the necessities and most importantly I wanted him to feel loved and be a good person.
I'm lucky enough to be witnessing just how good a person/friend he was to so many. I could try to give you examples and even tell you how that makes my heart feels knowing this, but there just aren't enough adjectives to do it justice.
Today Tebo and I went to the cemetery. I bought a bouquet of flowers yesterday to take with us and babied them all day to make sure they looked as beautiful today as they did yesterday. We get about 10 minutes down the highway and I realized I forgot the flowers (really?). Of course my husband never bats an eye and we stop to get more flowers. Te bouquet I bought yesterday wasn't exactly what I wanted, but they had orange flowers in it and I knew it would be close enough. Well, the ones we found today were perfect! I have no clue the type of flower it is but I didn't care. They were the perfect TN orange flowers. As soon as I saw them I smiled and said. these are perfect. We headed to Fayetteville National Cemetery to Chad's final resting place (on this earth) and the cemetery and I'm sure lots of volunteers had already. Put all the flags out and it was a beautiful sight to behold. We had our time there and just stood quietly to reflect a few moments and went on our way. This is obviously how I would like to celebrate his birthday, but The Lord needed him and this will just be the new way to celebrate the most amazing child I could have ever been blessed to raise for 22 years. For those 22 years and the memories we made and shared will be cherished forever and there is no enemy foreign or domestic that can ever take that away. I would like to thank The Lord now for honoring me with being his momma. He wasn't even supposed to ever be so I'm luckier than I even realize at times.
I would have laid my life down for his to continue and given a do over that is what I would do, but as we all know, we aren't given that option in life and while it sucks big time, we can't change that.
I have to say that out of all the sadness and pain, I've been blessed. I have approximately 150 Marines and some have spouses that have become our "bonus" kids. They make sure they check on us on a regular basis. They each honor Chad in different ways. Some get tattoos, some keep his pictures all around them, some name their children after him (probably the most flattering thing I can imagine), and others either purchase things in his memory or help us with our Wings for Our Troops "in loving memory of CPL Chad S Wade", but the biggest thing these young men and women do is make sure they reach out to me often. They will either call or text or send flowers for Mother's Day or his birthday or special occasion. Theses men and women do not have to do this, they want to do it. You always know the difference and this I know to be their true hearts. I will never be able to repay them for how they have honored and continue to honor Chad by taking care of his/their momma bear.
I'm also fortunate enough to have Tebo's kids in my life. They each have their own special relationship with me each unique to them and it does give me a lot of happiness knowing they are there. Even if we don't see each of them every day or even once a week or more, if I needed them, I know they would be there. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that.
With Memorial Day on Monday, I hope everyone helps others understand the true meaning of this Holiday. It is to remember and honor those fallen heroes. However, here is my take on this Holiday. Yes, remember and honor those fallen heroes and take time out of the celebrating to truly do that and thank them for their ultimate sacrifice. In addition to this, I would ask/encourage you to make sure any veteran (regardless of age) knows your gratitude. There are many that don't think about our military until some dramatic event takes place. I'm ashamed to say that before Chad enlisted I was one of those people. I would thank them (especially my dad who is also a Marine) on Veteran's Day, but the rest of the year I didn't give it a lot of thought until 9/11 and it only magnified once my only biological child enlisted during war time. Now I have such a heart and passion for our service men/women and I feel that I personally cannot do enough to show my gratitude.
So remember and honor those fallen heroes and their families that will never get over their loss and include those that are still with us while they can appreciate your thanks.
Happy Memorial Day and Chad, not a moment when I am breathing am I not missing you. You have always been my heart, you have always been my hero, now you are my angel. Love, momma bear. To all our veterans currently serving or not, THANK YOU for all you do and sacrifice for all of us and to Chad's fellow Marines (and school friends), THANK YOU for loving him so much and loving us in his place. We will be forever grateful.
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