Giving Thanks

Since it is the season to give thanks with Thanksgiving this week I was actually feeling sorry for myself for a moment that I won't have my son here on this earth this year.  After having him for 22 Thanksgivings I was really feeling low.  Then I decided I should stop and truly be thankful for what I did have with him.  So here goes my attempt to have more to be thankful for than I initially thought.
I'm thankful that I spent 22 years just really being his mom.  I made sure I made every event (practices included) he may have had and in every sport.  I'm thankful that even when I hated the thought of him roller blading and jump those ramps that I just allowed him to go through that stage (FYI, that was a really long stage).  I'm thankful that rather than getting mad and insisting he speak properly, I allowed him to spend one full school year (yes people, an entire school year) speaking really bad British.  I'm so thankful that I was there when he had a melt down after graduation and when I hugged him I felt his entire body relax.  I'm thankful that our last Christmas with just he and I that I splurged and bought him that limited edition guitar he wanted so badly.  I'm thankful that I supported him 100% when he decided to join the Marine Corps.  It was the hardest thing to do to watch him board that bus headed for boot camp and yet I was so full of pride at the same time.  I'm so thankful that I married a man that loves us so much that he made sure every time Chad could come home that he made sure we could purchase the ticket to get him here.  I'm so thankful that before my only child passed from this earth I got to see him fall in love and be married.  I'm thankful that we had 11 days of pure heaven on earth with him before he deployed to Afghanistan.  I'm thankful for all the bonus sons and daughters I've gained through Chad.
Oh sure, I could dwell on the fact that my son isn't here anymore, but that would do myself nor anyone else any good, but rather I'm thankful to know I never have to worry about his safety again or if he is being shot at or if he is arriving to and from destinations without an accident again.  I know where he is and I know he is safe and now happy and healthy, for that I am so very thankful. 
Don't get me wrong, if I could do Dec. 1, 2010 all over again, my son would still be here, but I can't.  All I can do now is hold on to those things that I am grateful for, because there are lots of parents out there that didn't get near what I got with Chad and that is a sad thing.  So this year being the first year in 22 years that I won't have my baby on this earth, I refuse to allow myself to go to that dark place.  Instead, I will hold on to all I am thankful for and got to experience with him.  Be thankful for your children today and every day as we are not promised tomorrow. 

Love this T-shirt and thankful I have it now

Chad approx. 3 yrs old

Chad on his wedding day 9/18/09

Me & Chad on pre-deployment leave to Iraq 2009

Just before getting on that bus to Boot Camp in Kansas City

Senior Picture

On the lake with the Wilson's

His very 1st deer!