Letters to Chad

I've been struggling with something that seems a bit odd to me and probably sounds crazy to others, but there were very few days throughout Chad's life that we didn't at least speak every day.  It might have been some text messages, but mostly phone calls unless he was training or deployed.  So I find myself truly missing telling him little things like a football score, or deer his buddies may have (or haven't) gotten, or just went on that day.  It doesn't have to be important (and usually isn't), but it is still things I would just normally call and tell him and now I can't.  Going to the cemetery can give me a little peace and get me through the remainder of the day, but it wasn't always enough.  I had to think of something to do that would help get these thoughts out of my head.
I took something Tebo's mom does every day and decided that might be a good option for me.  She writes letters to Jesus every morning.  She normally writes them in a journal (some of which I've even had made for her) and others might just be in a spiral notebook.  Either way, she writes these letter to Jesus every day.  We don't know what these letters say, but apparently she has one for each of her kids and some of her grandkids so when she is gone we will each get one.
So I have started writing Chad a letter each day of things I would normally tell him.  Some days I might just tell him how hard this is without him and other days it might just be what happened that day or talking about his buddies or telling him I think Katie is doing really well.  It could be a host of things, but at least it is a way to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper that no one else has to read.  It's just for me and clearing my head.  I'm early enough into this new routine that I can't tell you if it is making a huge impact or not, but I do know that it helps at that moment.  I usually write at the end of the day so hopefully my mind will be clear before I lay my head down at night.  That seems to be the worse part of most days because then I am 100% totally alone with my thoughts with very little distraction and that can be so difficult. 
There are nights I struggle to lay in bed with those thoughts running through my mind and I have determined of late that the best thing for me to do with nights like that is to just get up and go to Chad's room and write.  I did that not long ago and wrote him a letter and then looked through a scrapbook I made for him when he was younger and then looked through his baby book.  I may have been up at this ridiculous time in the morning and didn't return to bed, but it did help clear my head so I could get through my day at work.  I guess that is the main thing, right?
Let's hope this continues to help get through the tougher days.  All the days are hard and all the days feel like I might not be able to face the world, but I do.  I don't know how I do each day, but I guess when you don't really have a choice it makes just doing it a little easier.