Mommas and their boys

Since I became a mom on May 25, 1988, I knew there was a special bond between a mother and her son.  I was very fortunate to have a very close relationship with Chad.  I know many moms that have that kind of relationship, but I can only speak for mine.  We were so close I'm sure in part because I was a single mom for most of his life and we only had each other for most of that time when we lived away from family.  That certainly brings people together for sure.  However, he was a good boy and I believe with all my heart that he loved me and he knew I loved him.  We just really clicked.
I'm a daddy's girl and I won't lie, I was actually scared I might have a daughter and she would only want her daddy.  I guess the Lord knew I would need that little boy one day more than he would ever need me and he made sure I had him regardless of how long.
I was sent a song by one of the wives of one of Chad's Marine brothers this past week and I can't get enough of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNoLJy68ZcE is definitely a song you need to listen to if you haven't already.  It actually brings me smiley tears, because I would love to say these exact words to Chad if I were given the chance.  What makes it even more special is because my song to him was always "I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack (which is the song he chose for us to dance our mother/son dance at his wedding to).  So this song just adds that much of an impact to me for him.
I don't want to take anything away from a mother/daughter relationship, because I know they are special as well and I would never want to take anything away from a father/son relationship either, but there is just something extra ordinary between a mother and son (at least in my case) and it is something that will never be replaced or replicated for me.  I wouldn't want it to be either.
All I ever wanted for Chad was to have all his dreams come true.  I was so lucky so see him build the best friendships with his school friends and then his Marine friends and then I was lucky enough to watch him fall in love and marry her and watch him walk down the aisle.  There are so many parents that don't get that privilege and that breaks my heart, but I was lucky enough to get that opportunity.  I had always wanted a little girl and in perfect Chad fashion he gave me a daughter.
There are days I don't know how I can put one foot in front of the other, but on those days someone always seems to find a way to show me that there are different ways for me to remember him and reflect.
I do wonder every minute of every day what he is doing in heaven.  I imagine he and Jessica together with him playing his guitar and her singing their little hearts out.  I'm certain grandmother and granddaddy and grandmother Causby swing by to make sure they are behaving and reminding them to do things or just loving on them.  I am certain Janet gets in on some of the singing every chance she gets or better yet, she is writing the words to their songs.  I so know that my bonus kids' "MeMe" is picking up after them and just laughing along with them and he is probably telling Ednan to keep  up as she is finally running on those legs again, and I have no doubt that Billy Earl and Chad are fishing every chance they get.  These are the things I imagine he is doing daily.  That makes me smile.  I know he isn't hurting and he isn't sad and he isn't seeing us be sad.  These thoughts give me comfort.
There are other fallen Marines, Soldiers, Seamen, and Airmen that are sitting around with him and sharing stories and remembering the tough times and remembering all the good times shared.
I know Chad's family and friends miss him terribly and I know they wonder how he is and what he is doing just as I do.  That's why this song is so perfect.  Thank you Lindsay for sharing this with me.  I have it on repeat on my phone and I listen to it over and over all day at work.  Last week, that is what got me through the week and it helped me get through this crazy Monday.  I will get my first chance in two weeks on Wednesday to go to the cemetery due to all the rain and I will be playing this song while I sit at his spot and just cry if I need to and smile while doing so.
He is probably thinking I am such a dork, but it wouldn't be me if I weren't and he knows that.
Momma loves you baby boy and there will be a day when I can see for myself what you are doing up there.

I could squeeze him now so tight!

He surprised me for Mother's Day!  I was shocked!

Me & Chad

His senior year

What a little doll

Little Fish (who would have ever thought)

At his wedding

On one of his leaves

Before church

Yeah, I know, he was probably over the pictures

Our dance "I hope you dance"

Someone could have told me I was barefoot...  :) Love that he did this!

Oh those curls (thank you Stacy for capturing one of my favorites)

Oh that t-shirt...  I have it now and I love it!

Chad and Jessica... Imagine them singing and playing the guitar

I love him

Smile little buddy

Oh that bike...  I'm glad Seth has it, but hate he has it at the same time.  Danger!

Having to hunt Easter eggs alone, because he and BoBo napped...

Marine in training (head resting on a log)

His high school graduation party

He was so cute